It’s Almost Over…The Summer Of 2010

by Mary Anne on August 10, 2010

Can you feel it?  Summer is almost over!    Your kids may already be in school but mine don’t go back until the 23rd.   But still…the light is on the horizon.

I do enjoy these lazy days of summer…except the only people  it isn’t lazy for are me and The Man.  I’m still working, albeit from my home office, but still…I am responsible for financially supporting our family.   The Man  has to put up with them and keep them out of my hair and attempt to keep them from killing each other directly outside my office door.    Neither of us have an easy job.

It hasn’t been too hard really.   They have friends.   We pawn them off in an elaborate ponzi trading scheme when I need them to be gone or if I’m traveling (as I am now) and The Man just needs a tiny sanity break.     (Side note:  I stayed home for four years, I know the value of a sanity break, I really, really do…).

However.

HOWEVER.

There is my daughter, the fabulous Miss G who this year has discovered the fine art of “Injury = ATTENTION“.

For your viewing pleasure, here is the top ten list of injuries she has suffered this summer that have caused her to scream and writhe in pain to make sure her brother is not getting undo attention:

#10:     While flipping over the sofa, she has created a soft tissue injury that only an Ace Bandage worn for a week along with a limp can cure.

#9:    While playing in my expensive (read nice samples I got for buying my night moisturizer) makeup, she has managed to get blush in her mouth…which incidentally, tastes YUCKY.   And also cannot be cured by toothpaste.    Only Sunny D or a another sugary drink will do.  Preferably before bedtime.

#8:   The thought of wetting down the slide in the back yard whilst sliding down backwards AND STANDING in an innertube turned out not to be such a good idea after all.

#7:   Her brother has pushed her in the shallow end of the pool, causing her not only to get water in her nose but to DROWN in the process.   Incidentally, he should suffer criminal consequences of the highest sort…even though she dared him.

#6:   Speaking of the pool, while playing any type of water sport, should the ball hit her anywhere near the facial region, this should be considered a felony offence that was deliberate and should be considered for criminal prosecution.

#5:    Toe stubbing…need I say more?

#4:   Any type of cleaning can lead to egregioius consequences.   Windex on your hands can and will require mulitiple washings to remove hazardous chemical residue.

#3:   Wearing shoes that don’t fit IS an option.   However it is not a good option if you are walking through a mall to a movie when your feet start to hurt.  At that point, it is within reason that demands that your Daddy walk you back to the car in approximately 175 degree heat must be tolerated…or there will be hell to pay.

#2:    Ouchy swimuits are a no-go.     Should that strap cut into your precious skin?    You don’t want to loosen it up a bit, you need to just burn it because it no longer has a place in this home…or on this princess.   That suit will never see the light of day again.

And the number one injury so far this summer:

….watching TV while eating Doritos is not a good idea because sometimes you become so engrossed you forget where your mouth is and insert the chip directly into YOUR EYE which leaves not only immense pain but cheesy, nacho vision for approximately 36 hours…or until you crave chips again.

So yeah, I’m ready for them to go back….but I do have to tell you, as much work as she can be, I’m going to miss this sweet, freckled face….

Miss G?  You are a little pistol and my Mom’s words came true…she used to say, “I hope you get one just like you!”.

Guess what Mom?   I did, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love you little G….you make me smile every day, and no matter how annoyed I get sometimes, please always know at the end of the day you make me smile.    ALWAYS.

So tell me dear readers…what did your adorable children do this summer to make you laugh, cringe, long for the beginning of school or wish that it would never come?

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I have to admit, this morning I was a little jealous.   I woke up, rolled into my office early, slurped some coffee and with blurry eyes fumbled for the remote to turn on The Today Show.   That blurry eyed part lasted for about 5 seconds, then  I saw a bunch of my friends on the set waving as they were introduced by Meredith Viera.   And then another  bunch of friends including my bloggy BFF Alli Worthington  standing around The Pioneer Woman in The Today Show kitchen.   Then the tweets of Her Bad Mother in her adorable tutu meeting Kathy Lee Gifford…on and on it went, and I swear to you if one of them got within stalking distance of Matt Lauer I would have truly burst into tears.

See, I was supposed to be there and while I’m not important enough to get into the cool parties,  but Alli is and she usually drags me along with her wherever she goes.   And there she was in her cute little green dress grinning at me from my TV set.

UGH.

That’s when Backpacking Dad saved the day for me by starting the #HomeHer10 twitter hashtag conference for those of us stuck at home watching all the tweets coming out of NYC at BlogHer.   Because I’m too lazy to write anything myself these days, I thought I’d share a few of the better tweets showcasing the elegance and sophistication that #HomeHer10 is:

“Can someone speak to housekeeping for me? I don’t think my room is ready.”    @Nikki_S

“Lunch sponsored by Ragu.”   @foldinglaundry

“I’m boring my attendee.”  @ajk124

“Party is already out of control at #HomeHer10, the Coffee Mate is everywhere!”  @planetjoshmom

“Body hair removal session is now over and I’ve moved onto sitting on couch with rollers in my hair. Highly entertaining. ” @redneckmommy

“Remember to RSVP to the Social Ducks party happening tonight after dinner.”   @BackpackingDad

“Shhhhhhhh! I’ve been DYING to hear this next speaker. ” @sarann

…and of course, I have to share mine….

“OMG! There is a fat, hairy, SMELLY man in front of me in the badge line at #homeher10.”  @thestilettomom

So a very big thank you to Backpacking Dad for giving us all a laugh today.    It almost  makes up for the fact that I might have had the chance to stalk Matt Lauer in person today….ALMOST.

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It’s Hot….Africa Hot

by Mary Anne on August 2, 2010

I know, it’s summer, it’s supposed to be hot right?     This, however, is RIDICULOUS.

Take this weekend for instance.    Starting on Friday, the temps soared well above 100 degrees.    Saturday was 104, Sunday clocked in at 105.    So far, today’s high has been 106.    If we get to 110 I’m giving up and moving into the freezer and the hell with the massive amounts of frozen foods I’ve managed to hoard in there.     Sure, it might kill me but I’ll be beautifully preserved…and not stinky.

I’m dying here.

To top it off, after last weeks fiasco with the guest room ceiling falling in, this week, the AC in my office went out.    I get ready for the day in my office for a couple of reasons.    First, it allows me to be near my computer in case some “advertising emergency” should arise.   (Stop laughing, it happens often , sometimes, every once in a blue moon.)  Secondly, I can lock myself in and pretend like I don’t have two children who seem intent on killing eachother before school resumes in EXACTLY 21 days.    (To be more  precise…504 hours/30,240 minutes/1,814,400 seconds….take your pick, but who’s counting?)

Anyway, I started noticing I was sweating pretty profusely and since I’m not quite due for hot flashes just yet, I went to check out the thermostat.    Holy Hot Flash…it was 85 degrees inside!

The good news is, after multiple trips from our wonderful AC guy, we should be up and running again today for good.    The bad news is, it’s still hot and no amount of air conditioning is going to make anyone feel any better.    We have turned into moles in our own home,  shades shuttered and curtains drawn, and we exist in total darkness taking turns shoving each other out from in front of the fan in between jumping in and out of the bowl of soup we used to lovingly refered to as our pool.

So, all that being said, sorry for the lazy posting schedule and the total apathy on reading anything…perhaps in a week or so when it’s a chilly 99 degrees again!

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No, you are not at a home improvement blog, nor is this a DIY blog.  It’s jut me, back with another tale of calamity from The House of Stiletto.

I hate Mondays.    I hated this Monday more than most.   But let’s back up and talk about why I also hated it’s predecesor, Sunday.

Sunday arrived with much promise.   The Man and I slept in after going to a wedding, we had a lazy breakfast and were getting ready to float in the pool all day.    At about 10:00 it was looking really good for us.

At 10:30 that all changed.

The kids ran upstairs to tidy up their rooms and put on their suits when all of a sudden we heard screams, “OH MY GOD! THERE’S SO MUCH WATER!!! FLOOD!!! FLOOD!!” at which point that lazy Sunday disappeared as we ran up the stairs to see what could have possibly happened.    I was freaking out thinking that for sure I was going to see Shamu balancing a little ball on his/her nose  but was immediately consoled to learn that we had “very small leak” from a “tiny little copper pipe” .   While it required we go several hours without water or any type of fun, I was assured it was not a big deal as it hadn’t gone on for too long and The Man was able to fix it with a quick trip or two to Home Depot and our day was back on track by about 1:00 or so.

Yeah, about that.

Turns out, this leak must have been going on for much longer than we thought.    On Monday,  The Man broke down all the furniture in the room prepping to re-paint the ceiling,  even going so far as to take the blades off the fans.    I was literally slammed all day at work and exhausted by the end of the day.   We had a lovely dinner together that night and I was happily taking the kids upstairs to bed around 9:00  when I opened the guest bedroom door and saw THIS:

Yes, I know it’s a horrible picture but I snapped it with my iPhone really fast before I turned into my 8 year old daughter and ran screaming through the house.   I’m not sure you can tell it in this picture, but the hole is about as tall as I am  (5’4”) and much like me, needing to be much smaller in the middle part.    The fact that we resemble each other does nothing to make me love it in any way shape or form.

Also, like it always is with uninvited guests, it left a mess behind.  Witness:

That carpet right there?  Is now dead too.   Who knew one “very small leak” from a “tiny copper tube” could be so viscious?

The good news here, if there is any, is that The Man is super handy around the house and spent most of the day today cutting out the remainder of the ceiling and putting new dry wall in.

Even better?   We now have an optional moon roof in our guest room and I get to kill that hideous green on the walls.

See?  Always a bright side to everything.

But then again, I’m not the one dealing with drywall either…..

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The One Where I Age A Few Years In A Coffee Shop

by Mary Anne on July 20, 2010

I’m at a coffee shop  right now, which is sort of a rare occasion for me.   I like going to coffee shops okay. I like coffee okay.  I just  don’t make coffee a  religion or anything which is why sometimes coffee shops and I are not a good match.    Regardless of how much time I do or do not spend in them, coffee shops are a great place to have a quick meeting which is how I found myself here today.

I got here a little early and thought it was a lovely day for a nice cold drink.    It’s way hot outside and something nice and cold sounded like just the trick to finish off my day rather than something steaming like the inside of my car would be when I returned to it.

I didn’t know it would take the remainder of my day to order the thing.

Sadly for me, as is usually the case, I pick the wrong line to stand in. This happens virtually everywhere I go as if I am somehow magnetically drawn to the slowest person in the room’s back. There’s someone at the department store who wants to make a very complicated return? I’m behind her. That lady at the grocery store who insists that her coupons should be doubled and then waits for members of the management team to arrive after she has exhausted her case with the 17 year old cashier? That wold be me standing behind her rolling my eyes and tapping my foot.

So it wasn’t with a great amount of surprise that I found myself behind the most coffee curious man in all of America today at said coffee shop. There was a new product being rolled out….some iced concoction that they could custom make with flavors. Best of all, they were offering free samples. Which…fine….whatever. However, this guy, upon receiving his sample began to ask just slightly under 2,472 questions about this tasty beverage. Curious? Here’s a sampling for you:

  • What is the origin of the bean used in this?
  • What length of time do you roast them?
  • How many calories are in a large?
  • A medium?
  • A small?
  • What flavorings can you put in it?
  • Could you repeat flavors 2-7 again?
  • Do you recommend one flavor over the other?
  • May I offer a suggestion on a flavor you forgot?
  • What is your personal favorite?
  • Do people often order with no flavor at all?
  • How many calories does the flavoring add?
  • Did you ever consider blending it?

And so help me God, he then proceeded to tell him it reminded him of a drink he had on vacation….which of course prompted a quick discussion on the vacation itself.    Now grouchy and with pinchy feet, I started making some “ahem” type noises which made no difference whatsoever.

It did however catch the attention of someone else behind the counter who had also been watching the entire conversation slack jawed because honestly, who knew one man could have so many questions about coffee?

I’m happy to report he finally exhausted himself and the guy behind the register seems to have recovered from slamming his head into the counter repeatedly.

And I?  Have my nice tasty drink and am on my way…

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