Ready?   Let’s go!

This year was different than last year.   Way different.   Still the same great group of people and still intimate and personal but this was the year Blissdom became oppulent and larger than life.    In short, it was BIG TIME.

Speaking of big, that’s my giant mug on a humongous screen during the opening session.    Now you can all offically say I have a big head because on that screen it was approximately 10 ft large.   Not a nice way to wake up a lovely group of women.

Aside from all the incredible learning at Blissdom, I had the chance to hang out with some of my very favorite people….these women are some of my dearest friends even though I only get to see them once or twice a year.

That’s my roomie, Deanna from Domestic Chicky.   She’s used to me hugging and kissing on her…she knew what she was getting into long before we got there.

This is Ally from Ally B Speakin’.   She’s not as used to me hugging and kissing on her but she was a good sport.   Of all the people this year that knocked my socks off, she was at the top of the list.   She was so shy last year but this year she totally came out of her pretty little shell….she’s wonderful.

Meet Cassie, she’s the one who was running around handling details all weekend making sure we were all taken care of.   She’s like a little sister to me.

The one and only Poppy Buxom from The Opiate Of The Masses.    I do so love me some Poppy….I just wish she’d come out of her shell.   She’s so…..reserved.

Oh Canada!   Catherine from Her Bad Mother and Tanis from Redneck Mommy.   I finally worked up the nerve to talk to them….Catherine and I had a fine little fake blogger fight set up for Harry Connick, Jr. night but sadly, I never got poked by the cane Tanis had with her…you can’t win ‘em all.

Speaking of reserved, meet Debbie from Vodka Mom and Cecilia from Sasstown.   We all went to lunch and they made me cry of laughter when they shared stories about raising their teenagers.   I’d like you to know my children are now locked in their rooms and will never be allowed out again because clearly I am not ready to have teens.    Don’t worry, I still feed and water them…most days.

The official #honeyplease crew:   Dinner the last night with three superstars…..Liz Strauss from Successful and Outstanding Bloggers, Danielle Smith from Extraordinary Mommy and marketing genius Shelly Kramer. I’d like to tell you the #honeyplease story, but then I’d have to kill you.    I have no idea how I ended up with them but I am in awe of all three of these amazing and incredibly nice women that I can learn so much from.   Plus, I’ve warned all three of them that I have no intention of ever leaving them alone again.

The other half of the #honeyplease crowd….Amy from Mom Advice from who is the tiniest and funniest (and possibly adorablest…is that a word?) girl I’ve met in a while with  Poppy and Michelle Lamar formerly of White Trash Mom fame.    If you’ll recall, last year Michelle and I became friends when she belched during a very serious meeting and blamed it on me.   Thankfully, we did not have a repeat of that performance this year.

And then there is this person….

…Alli, who I love most of all.   Last year gave me the chance to meet her, this year has given me the chance for us to become inseperable and I am so very thankful to have her in my life.    This weekend, she put on an event that changed the lives of 500 women and I have never been prouder of a friend in my life than I was of her when she took the stage the first day.    Alli is amazing and I am so proud to call her one of my very closest friends.

So to all of you that I met, and all of you that I hugged (even if it was against your will, sorry), seeing you was so much fun!

I swear I’m going to post those Harry Connick, Jr. pictures as soon as I get them.    And yes, I hugged him too.

SWOON.

I arrived on Thursday to a room full of squealing women running around hugging each other. I cannot tell you how happy it made me to be back again this year and see the faces of the friends I made last year.  After about an hour of this activity, I realized something. My feet were killing me. The Gaylord Opryland Hotel is freaking HUGE. And there was one thing I had forgotten in packing my weight limit defying bag.

Get ready for it.

No, really…brace yourself…

SENSIBLE SHOES.

I know!!!!

You never thought you’d hear it out of me, did you? But there I was, trying to stay true to my brand (you…in the back…stop laughing right this very minute) and had only brought very high heeled boots. Such a bad call. I went in search of flip flops because honestly, I was at a point where I was prepared to crawl from session to session and never go back up to my room again the entire time. I finally located some, flipped them over to look at the price only to find they were $50.00 Fifty Bucks??? For a pair of flip flops? No way. I was not going to be the sucker that paid $50.00 for a pair of rubber flip flops.

Ahem.

Fifty dollar flip flops? Meet my readers. Readers, meet the fifty dollar flip flops.

When I get my head together and get off this plane, I’ll be sure to post some pictures for you guys and share some fun stories. Until then, I’m just going to continue to stare at my shiny new flips and pretend like they were a wise fiscal investment.

I chose happiness.

This morning I got up with a song in my heart (I think it was Kanye) and a spring in my step and proceeded to sign the offer letter they had so professionally put together. I made sure my signature didn’t look like the normal chicken scrawl it normally does. I even typed out a fax cover sheet instead of just jamming it in and pressing send without one like I would usually do. I made sure I looked good on paper when they received my acceptance.

Yeah, about that….

The one thing I didn’t do was check the copier area of my fax machine because why would I? I live an almost paper free existence and couldn’t tell you the last time I actually copied anything.

What I didn’t count on is that a budding young artist in our household, known to all of you as Miss G, had drawn a picture so pretty she felt a need to make duplicate images for her friends.

So now my new employers not only have a neatly executed offer letter from me, they also have some really great art for their cubicles.

I’m awesome at sharing like that.

As if this week could get any better, I’m off to Blissdom tomorrow to see my new boyfriend Harry Connick, Jr. It’s okay, The Man knows all about my plans to woo Harry and has even agreed to participate in a Wife Swap if things work out. Updates to come shortly on any possible restraining order activity that may occur while I’m there!

xo
TSM

I mean…I don’t quit you, because sorta like Brokeback Mountain, “I can’t quit you…”, you know?

No, it’s another type of quit, as in today I quit my job. Remember that post a little while back about how I was going to take control of my life again and seek out things that made me happy and fulfilled?

Today was the first big step.

Just like in a relationship, sometimes you grow apart. Things that fit you once, no longer fit the way they used to in your life. And at that point, you owe it to yourself to move on which is sort of were I was when I wrote that last post about getting the old me back.

I thought about it all week. Agonized over it really. By the time the weekend rolled around, I had made up my mind and I felt so relieved. So I did what any soon to be unemployed person lacking common sense would do, I went out and bought myself a shiny new watch.

See?

All I can tell you is this was not a planned purchase, it was just one of those things that felt right at the moment.   And it continued to feel right…right up to the moment I walked into the house and my husband almost passed out at the site of it.    After addressing me as PDiddy Fiddy and asking if he had missed a lottery win or something along the way, I calmly explained to him that while yes….it is a large watch and it does give me sort of a FlavorFlav vibe…

…that it’s a cheap (sort of) knock off and not actually the Rolex or whatever it is he thought it was from a distance.

Crisis averted. No smelling salts involved.

Wait, where was I?   Oh yes, the job situation.

So before you think I’ve totally lost my mind and quit a perfectly good job in the middle of the nastiest recession in ages, I’m not completely crazy.   I’ve been getting ready for this for a while. The past three weeks have been a blur traveling the country…Chicago, San Francisco, NYC….I’ve seen it all. I’m not kidding when I tell you the site of an airplane now could actually incite hysterical screeching and Rainman type running in concentric circles on my part. The great news is I actually have a couple of really wonderful options for where to go next and will likely spend the next 24 hours pulling my hair out trying to make a decision.

And probably drinking copious amounts of wine…and possibly scotch.

When I finally do make my decision?   I’ll probably go celebrate with a nice pair of Choos…because that’s just how I roll, yo.

Wish me luck!

In getting ready for this years event, I thought back to last year when I was scared to death, didn’t know a soul and my blog was only six months old.

My how times have changed.

It made me think that rather than just hearing about the conference itself, I would have really liked to have heard what to expect as a “newbie”. Things that would have made me feel a little less jittery walking through the doors of the hotel.

So if you are new to this event, or if you just don’t have anything better to read at this particular moment, here is a list of things you should know:

• Everyone is nice.   I didn’t encounter one single person who was mean to me.   If someone is mean to you, come find me and I’ll take care of it post haste.  And then I’ll probably hug you.
• You won’t be sitting alone.   People sitting at tables with extra seats will generally be very welcoming of you joining them.   If you do find yourself sitting alone, come find me and I’ll sit with you.  Or on your lap.  Your call.  Either option probably also involves hugging of some sort.
• Take layered clothes.   Doesn’t matter how fancy the hotel, they can never get the temperature just right.   You will find yourself either too cold or too hot.   If you are too cold, come find me and I’ll hug you until you warm up.   If you are too hot?   I don’t know, the only thing I can do is throw you in the pool and I don’t think you want that.
• Take a good mixture of clothes.   There will be at least one day you probably don’t change from what you wore during the day and one night you may find you want to dress up.   Take stuff that mixes and matches so that when you invariably freak out and don’t know what to wear, you have a lot of options.     If you freak out, call me.   I’ll show up with a bottle of wine in hand, hug you and tell you to get over it.
• Take business cards.   Listen to me…this one is important. Even if you have to print them up yourself, be sure to have a few hundred on hand.   You will probably be able to tuck them into your name tag and you will want to be able to refresh your supply often.   If you don’t bring business cards, I may not hug you, because my eye sight is starting to go and I won’t be able to read your name tag and I can’t just be hugging on total strangers can I?   (Well, yes I could but this is my feeble attempt to get you to do what I say.)

Above all, come with a great attitude and expect to walk away with a whole lot of new friends.  I know I did last year, and I cannot wait to see each and every one of those lovely ladies again next Thursday!

Come find me…and don’t be surprised when I give you a giant hug.

You have been warned.

But guess what?  Miss G’s team won!    Check out Charlie’s Angels (unofficial name, but OMG we love our Coach) from The Pride All Stars this weekend when they took a National Championship!   Little G is back left on first stunt, back middle on second….

She’s beautiful….and I’m proud….

…and I think I’m finally a Cheer Mom. God Help Me.

So proud of these girls!

And today I was  amazed and  proud of Cindy McCain for doing this ad:

It took my breath away.

Aside from the fact that this is possibly one of the most beautiful and powerful images I’ve seen in a while (the white, the duct tape, the blue eyes), she had the nerve to stand against her husbands public policy of discrimination.

I was not a fan of John McCain in the election.  I liked her even less…

Today, I like her a whole lot more.

It’s not my business to tell people who they can spend the rest of their lives with…and to be honest, again…it’s not yours either.

We need to stop legislating hate and we need to stop it now.

Cindy McCain, you will never see this…but I am so proud of you for standing up.

NoH8!

Did you know we also have fish?   We have several but recently we have one less than we did before.   Chloe the fish made her journey to the great sea on the other side (via the toilet) not too long ago.

Chloe was a good fish.  She belonged to Miss G and was a happy little beta fish that was brightly striped and appeared to have a really happy disposition.   She’d flip around whenever we walked in as opposed to Mr. C’s fish, Stripes, who basically looked at us like, “Great to see you and all but…where the hell are my food pellets?” whenever we walked in.   I swear to you, I think Chloe smiled at me one time when I walked in. And possibly blew a kiss.

Miss G loved Chloe.   She loved that she was a “girl fish” (or at least we think she was since she was sort of pinkish purple…which no boy fish would be caught with those colors, right?)    She loved that Chloe stayed in her room and she would talk and sing to her to keep her entertained in her little bowl.

We chose the beta fish because at the pet store they told us that beta fish are really hard to kill.

They don’t know my daughter.

So like I said, Chloe seemed to like everything and she lived happily in her little bowl for several months before we found the one thing Chloe did not like.

A bubble bath.

Much to our shock, one day The Man walked in and found her looking like this….only with bubbles on top.

**Note: Not real Chloe fish, this is a google fish. Also, you may not want to search dead fish floating as the results can be somewhat…um…gnarly.**

L

(…and no, I don’t know what this L is in the middle of the page other than a special gift you can’t get rid of from Word Press…ugh…)

From what we could gather based upon our post mortem interrogation of Miss G, Chloe looked like she needed a bath.   She had been in that same water for quite a while after all.   Miss G decided that since she loves nothing more than a good bubble bath, perhaps Chloe would enjoy that as well.  (I’m not sure but I think the crowning touch here in this little unintentional fish-icide may have been the fact that disinfectant watermelon scented hand soap was the weapon of choice, though without a coroners report, we can never be sure.)

Needless to say, we won’t be buying another fish for Miss G for a while and currently are investigating how a couple of the tiny frogs in the larger fish tank have come to find themselves without all of their limbs.    Yet another mystery in the making and one that we suspect involves the cat.

RIP Chloe, you were a fine fish indeed.

What is a Mmm Hmmer you ask?  It’s one of those people in movies that at a moment where the theater is silent offers her agreement with the movie plot by murmuring “Mmm Hmm”.    It’s the person who talks back to the TV as if the person can hear her when the question is asked, “Do you know what I mean?”   “Mmmm Hmmm”

You get where I’m going with this.    These people make me not only jumpy but stabby and angry.   So it was with great disdain I found myself sitting next to such a person the other night when I had the fantastic opportunity to go hear the creator of my favorite show, Mad Men, speak about his creative process, the thought behind the characters and most importantly where he gets his ideas.   He was fascinating.

She?  Almost landed me with a stint in prison.

Matthew Weiner spoke for over an hour and half.   I have to tell you, he is one of the most engaging speakers I’ve ever heard.     He was funny, genuine and seemed like a guy who probably wouldn’t call security or tase you if you were to profess your undying love for him in a public forum and possibly offer to sell your soul to the devil to spend one day on the set to sit  in on the writing sessions.

Or maybe getting to play dress up in Betty Draper’s clothes.

Or possibly the chance to give one tiny kiss to Don.

Or maybe play his mistress.

In a semi nude scene.

Yesssssss……..

Wait.  Where was I?

Oh yes, the story.  Don’t worry, I didn’t make it to the mic.      But instead of absorbing it all, this is what I heard.

MW:    “Bobby Barrett, one of Don Draper’s earliest mistresses character came from a conversation I had with a woman on a plane who said to me…”

Her:   “Hmmm”

MW:   “The scene where Betty Draper goes out and starts shooting pidgeons came from a story a writing assistant shared with me from her own youth.    She was the daughter of a single mother who…”

Her:  “Huh. Mmmm  Hmmm…”

MW:   “We got the idea to do the Kodak Carousel scene because someone once told me that nostalgia is when your heart hurts remembering a time that you were loved that you wish you could revisit.   The actual shoot for the pictures was difficult because we had to demand imperfection from professional photographers to make it actually perfect for the show and…”

Her:   “MMMMM.    MMMMM HMMMMM.”

At first I was willing to put up with it.   She’s a fan too, right?    But after an hour of this, I started flinching every time she started to even approach the letter M.   I began clinging to my friend April sitting next to me.   I noticed my friend Renee was starting to give me the side eye.   Wait.  Did she think I was the one doing this? And my friend James?   Well he was too immersed in the entire speech to hear any of it and thankfully far enough removed.   Lucky man.

So I clung to poor April and we both started laughing. But April…she can’t leave well enough alone. She looks over and notices the other thing I’ve been horrified about the entire time but dare not speak of for fear of losing my shit entirely. This woman, this annoying annoying woman, is sitting there with her legs wide open. In a dress. No leggings, no hose, bare legs…splayed open.

“Honey, this is not a gynocological visit…” she said at which point I gave up and pretty much just collapsed on her shoulder laughing myself to tears.

So much for listening to my idol.

But we aren’t done yet. After I recovered from the fit of giggles and continued to grab April every time another Mmmm Hmmm came out, Matthew Weiner said something really funny and the girl next to me with her legs spread wide open?

She laughed too…and then?

She farted.

THE END.

At least Sheila knows what is wrong with her car now…