All in all, I’d have to say BlogHer was a great experience. There was a whole lot of a good, and some very bad bad. I pretty much got out of it exactly what I wanted, to see some old friends and meet new ones. The highlight of the entire weekend was Saturday which was by far the most fun day of all.

We started with a group dinner, please don’t even get me started on how delicious the fried Gnocci Literal Dan’s wife ordered…see him back in the corner? BRAVE MAN to go out with all these crazy women.

Meet my fabulous roomies….Jen from Sprite’s Keeper and Mary from Unmitigated. I am totally in love with them both and plan to find other events where I stalk them. Not one moment of drama in our room and they both put up with the incredible mess I made changing outfits eleventy million times…Ladies, I adore you both.

After dinner, we headed over to BowlHer where Anna from abdpbt and I decided to start a bloggy war. Here Anna is doing her finest Tupac imitation and I’m doing my best Biggie Boobs. Anna was the first person I didn’t know to comment on my blog and meeting her was a thrill. Still, a bloggy war is a bloggy war and I’m totally going to kick her ass.

Next up was the best and most wonderful part of the entire BlogHer whirlwind, a party at Poppy Buxom’s apartment. Can I tell you how much I love me some Poppy? CAN I? Oh, sorry didn’t mean to yell. I just get all excited when the topic is Poppy…she brings that out in people. Poppy, THANK YOU for giving me an evening I won’t ever forget…brace yourself for a tackle hug at Blissdom ’10.

Speaking of women I love, here is Stephanie Elliot from Manic Mommy with two of my other roomies, Jill from Shopgirl’s Blog and Mandee from My Life In A Nutshell. And yes, I am in love with all three of them as well….see a pattern forming?

Of course Jen was there too (if you are asking Jen who?…the door is over there…don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out…) so I had to throw myself on her. Honesty, she puts up with way too much from me and I have no idea why.

Also, you should know that on this trip, I took my stalking to an entirely new level and managed to harass Jen’s husband Fletch as well. In the first picture, I think he was really wondering how to get away from me but then someone yelled, “Give up, she never leaves…” and I think he came to terms with my hugging problem which honestly was his best and only option. Next up, I’m planning to find a way to have my picture taken with Maisy, their pit bull. She will no doubt have the same reaction.

After that, Alli and I decided the best thing would be to decorate Fletch with a pink feather boa because, well…I don’t really know why we did that to be honest.

Speaking of Alli, here she is with me and none other than Vodka Mom. People I’m in love. (I fell in love a lot on this trip…) Vodka Mom is every bit as warm, wonderful, charming and FUNNY as I thought she’d be. Also she is so tiny she is almost purse sized which really made me think about putting her in my carry on and taking her home with me.

…and last of all, meet my friend Amy from Outdoor Dogs. When we first saw each other we did one of those running hugs you see in commercials? Yeah, well I forgot how tall she is and I face planted directly into the middle of her chest. (Note to all readers: My husband will think that’s hot.) Look at that smile, you can see how happy and funny she is and why it’s so easy to adore her.

So there you have it….BlogHer in three lengthy, bloviated succinct posts.

God, I’m tired….someone get me a drink.

Update: Just got this video from tellingdad.com. I can’t honestly say I saw all of this but it is a pretty acurate representation of the tweets…and, it is VERY funny…check it out…sense of humor, people…sense of humor.

I’ve made it this far without wardrobe panic. To be honest, I haven’t really thought about it at all. Until last week when I found out I was going to have the chance to attend the Nikon Night Out party hosted by none other than Carson Kressley. (Note to loyal audience: If at this point you are saying “Who is Carson Kressley?” TSM is now giving you the side eye while quietly informing you he was the fashion expert on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and soon to be my new gay boyfriend…then kicking you in the shins with pointy stiletto for not knowing better.)

I would very much like to see him make this face upon meeting me:

…and not so much this face:

I thought I had it all under control but the stress finally set in this last weekend when “ohmygodohmygodohmygod..i’mgoingtomeetcarsonkressley!!!” started playing in an endless loop in my head. I did what any normal person would do and found an A List Blogger to drag into my home, plied her with wine and then dragged her into my closet and subjected her a miniature fashion show. (Because if you are foolish enough to actually enter my home, I like to make sure you are entertained with a small nervous breakdown.) I’m talking about none other than the most fabulous Allison Worthington who was the person kind enough to invite me to such a fancy party and whom I greatly hope to not embarass while there, but I think we all know the odds of that happening are slim at best non-existent.

Anyway, I have it down to two outfits now.

The first is very SJP/Sex in the City:

…which scares me a little because honestly, I am so not SJP/Sex in the City. I’m more TSM/Yawning at 10 in the Burbs.

The second is the safer choice, more “Little Black Dress Meets Heavy Metal”:

…but again, it’s the safe choice, I’d blend in more, and also is accompanied by a pair of equally painful shoes.

See my dilemna? So tell me which outfit you think is most appropriate for my planned stalking of Carson Kressley…and you may want to warn him I’m on my way as well.

Also, let me know if you are going to be at BlogHer so I can stalk you too! I’ll be easy to find, I’ll be the one complaining about how much my feet hurt…can’t wait to see you guys!

Yeah, borderline stalker. The restraining order just cannot be that far away.

The good news is, sometimes (or maybe just this once), stalking pays off.

Last week, as I was minding my own business The Man walked into my office with a jaunty smile, package in hand asking, “Do you know a J Lancaster in Chicago? Because you just got a something from her.”

At which point I assumed the three point stance and launched at him. (He’s fine BTW…a few minor contusions…nothing a few stitches won’t clear up. No need to send flowers.)

It’s his fault really, he knew Jen had promised me an advance of Pretty in Plaid. I just never really thought she’d send it to me. (Because honestly? She is a New York Times best selling author and I am, well…me.) But, there it was proving she truly is just THAT NICE in real life.

So, I did what anyone as enthused, excited obnoxious as I am and immediately posted my bounty to facebook, twitter and every other platform I could imagine. Also, I hugged the book..and took pictures.

After shouting from the rooftop with a megaphone, rolling around on the floor yelling AHAHAHAHAHA sucka’s I GOT THE ADVANCE!!!!, quietly looking at it…incredulous that a NYT best selling author sent silly little me an advance, I took a peek inside. Guess what? Autographed again. Look…..

Let me tell you, the house went into lock down. No one was allowed to make eye contact with me, let alone speak as I read MY ADVANCE of Pretty in Plaid. (Sorry, can’t seem to stop the rubbing in factor. You’d do the same thing…admit it.) Naomi Campbell? Bite me. I just re-defined the rules on how be a self absorbed bitch in my own home. Don’t test me, I’ll hit you with a blinged out Blackberry, just try it.

Pretty in Plaid is beyond awesome. I’d love to tell you all about it…but…I’m not going to because you really need to buy it when it comes out May 5th. All I’ll tell you is this, if you are a Jen Lancaster fan you need to read this book as it will make you understand so much about how she did, in fact, end up in the unemployment office carrying a Prada bag. That scene? Was a long time in the making.

Jen? You freaking rock. Thanks for about one million smiles.