“The best dinner party guests ever (alive or dead, but the dead ones would have to be alive because of a Time Travel Machine that you or someone you knew made, otherwise they would be really bad guests as they wouldn’t eat your food or talk and would smell and their head would fall off into some soup…)

Wait. What?

Okay, now I get it and I love me some Pippa for asking. I could tell you about bringing someone back from the dead and a great dinner we had where their head did not fall off in their soup but that would be too easy. So Pippa, I’m turning that question on it’s head and telling you about the worst dinner party in the history of….well, ever.

We had a friend over for a grill last year. A friend we don’t see often for reasons that are about to become clear to you because we don’t live very close to each other. Let’s all pretend we are in the witness protection program and call him BBQ Bill from now on…because I really don’t want him to ever find us again.

BBQ Bill shows up with his kids :45 minutes early while I’m still running around in a towel with curlers in my hair. Oddly enough, he has a HUGE cooler with him even though we told him not to bring anything. Normally, I’d assume our guest brought adult beverages but I was a bit confused as it was only the three of us (because in this house we have a strict one beer per child limit) (also, I’M KIDDING) and the cooler could easily hold two cases of beer and a few bottles of wine.

But it wasn’t beer and wine.

It was meat. At least 50 lbs of raw meat. Even though we told him we had the food covered. Beef, chicken, ribs, you name it. I’ve never seen so much raw meat outside of the grocery store. I’m not kidding you when I tell you what once was a small farm was now in that cooler.

So I looked at The Man and The Man looked at me and shrugged his shoulders (because we are both totally at the WTF??? portion of this story a mere :15 in, which is never a good sign) So we finally asked the million dollar question, “What’s with all the meat?”

At that point, BBQ Bill informed us he doesn’t have a grill at home so he’s going to grill this meat (50 lbs!) on our grill and store it for future dinners. Which, no big deal right? It wouldn’t be normally, no. But…the grill we bought is crap, and after about an hour or so of high heat, giant plumes of black smoke start to emerge and stain our house which is entirely white brick a lovely shade of grossness. Witness the setup:

Needless to say, The Man and I tend to be careful to avoid this very situation. Not that day. BBQ Bill took over the grill….for four hours. This, in and of itself, was annoying. Aside from the whole house turning black you should know that in the summer in Texas, we tend to grill and run inside because hell has nothing on us heat wise. Four hours of it and you are basically dealing with three adults soaked in sweat and smelling of charred flesh…which is to say, not my style. It was all too much…how much meat can one man grill? (50 lbs in case you weren’t following)

The fact that his son was pulling out our in ground sprinkler system and beating my children repeatedly in the pool was really the icing on the cake. (Kids will be kids!) With every thwack and every sizzle I cringed. At some point I’m fairly sure I ended up in the fetal position under the table sucking my thumb though the post traumatic stress disorder prevents me from remembering it all.

The Man did not think I would be able to endure. I did not think The Man would endure. Every time we thought he was done, another burger patty would magically appear and one of our children would scream in the distance. We were at a stalemate as to which one of us was going to go completely freak show and send them running to the street. Sadly, we are both far too polite and it never happened. Though our house, once white, now fully smoke black, was begging us to.

Hours later (eight in total for what was supposed to be a three hour get together), we got them out of our house with their cooler of full of meat, sprinkler system in serious need of repair and children now afraid of anything pole shaped.

As we burned the flesh off of our hands scrubbing with bleach to restore our house to it’s original color (it’s still not quite there) we pinky swore with our ragged fingers to never have them over again.

So thank you Pippa for the question….because just the other day I was thinking we hadn’t seen this guy in a while. Now I remember why.

Now y’all tell me…whats the worst dinner guest you’ve ever had and have you had them back since?

All in all, I’d have to say BlogHer was a great experience. There was a whole lot of a good, and some very bad bad. I pretty much got out of it exactly what I wanted, to see some old friends and meet new ones. The highlight of the entire weekend was Saturday which was by far the most fun day of all.

We started with a group dinner, please don’t even get me started on how delicious the fried Gnocci Literal Dan’s wife ordered…see him back in the corner? BRAVE MAN to go out with all these crazy women.

Meet my fabulous roomies….Jen from Sprite’s Keeper and Mary from Unmitigated. I am totally in love with them both and plan to find other events where I stalk them. Not one moment of drama in our room and they both put up with the incredible mess I made changing outfits eleventy million times…Ladies, I adore you both.

After dinner, we headed over to BowlHer where Anna from abdpbt and I decided to start a bloggy war. Here Anna is doing her finest Tupac imitation and I’m doing my best Biggie Boobs. Anna was the first person I didn’t know to comment on my blog and meeting her was a thrill. Still, a bloggy war is a bloggy war and I’m totally going to kick her ass.

Next up was the best and most wonderful part of the entire BlogHer whirlwind, a party at Poppy Buxom’s apartment. Can I tell you how much I love me some Poppy? CAN I? Oh, sorry didn’t mean to yell. I just get all excited when the topic is Poppy…she brings that out in people. Poppy, THANK YOU for giving me an evening I won’t ever forget…brace yourself for a tackle hug at Blissdom ’10.

Speaking of women I love, here is Stephanie Elliot from Manic Mommy with two of my other roomies, Jill from Shopgirl’s Blog and Mandee from My Life In A Nutshell. And yes, I am in love with all three of them as well….see a pattern forming?

Of course Jen was there too (if you are asking Jen who?…the door is over there…don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out…) so I had to throw myself on her. Honesty, she puts up with way too much from me and I have no idea why.

Also, you should know that on this trip, I took my stalking to an entirely new level and managed to harass Jen’s husband Fletch as well. In the first picture, I think he was really wondering how to get away from me but then someone yelled, “Give up, she never leaves…” and I think he came to terms with my hugging problem which honestly was his best and only option. Next up, I’m planning to find a way to have my picture taken with Maisy, their pit bull. She will no doubt have the same reaction.

After that, Alli and I decided the best thing would be to decorate Fletch with a pink feather boa because, well…I don’t really know why we did that to be honest.

Speaking of Alli, here she is with me and none other than Vodka Mom. People I’m in love. (I fell in love a lot on this trip…) Vodka Mom is every bit as warm, wonderful, charming and FUNNY as I thought she’d be. Also she is so tiny she is almost purse sized which really made me think about putting her in my carry on and taking her home with me.

…and last of all, meet my friend Amy from Outdoor Dogs. When we first saw each other we did one of those running hugs you see in commercials? Yeah, well I forgot how tall she is and I face planted directly into the middle of her chest. (Note to all readers: My husband will think that’s hot.) Look at that smile, you can see how happy and funny she is and why it’s so easy to adore her.

So there you have it….BlogHer in three lengthy, bloviated succinct posts.

God, I’m tired….someone get me a drink.

Update: Just got this video from tellingdad.com. I can’t honestly say I saw all of this but it is a pretty acurate representation of the tweets…and, it is VERY funny…check it out…sense of humor, people…sense of humor.

Okay, good, all suited up? Let’s go!

Friday night was the big night, I had about five parties to hit. First off was the Hanes party, which was so fun. I could tell you that the swag bag they gave me contained a bra that actually made my boobs sing out of happiness because it was SO COMFORTABLE but that would be TMI. (Oh wait, I already went there…) They were serving Comfortinis, which btw…YUM…and I got to hang out with some Blissdom friends. Sarah and Cassie, who will never get rid of me now…sorry girls!

Later that night was the Nikon Look Good In Pictures party with none other than Carson Kressley. Which yes, I did meet him…and also managed to kiss him. I don’t have a ton of pics yet (because you know what would have been a smart thing to bring? A CAMERA.) I do have this one…me with Alli Worthington, who so kindly took me to this event, and if the Crazy Woman in the previous post ever wondered why I blog? Being able to count this wonderful woman among my close friends is a good enough reason to make me blog for the rest of my life.

But then, there was the next day….stay with me…I’m getting to the “bad naked”.

So, I wandered, and I wandered, and I wandered some more. And then I thought, “Hey! Let’s go check out the expo for more swag I don’t need!!!” so off to the expo I went. You can imagine my surprise when I saw a familiar shock of white hair at the Walmart booth and realized it was none other than Paula Deen…so I did what any true southerner and cook would do, freaked out, threw a few elbows and managed to score the third to the last position in line….directly behind Mrs. Potato Head. (Trust me, there is a reason you need to know this.)

The line moved fairly quickly but Paula (because I can call her by her first name now) had a serious hard stop to catch her plane. Finally, I got to the front of the line and waited patiently behind Mrs. Potato Head while they delicately navigated her between the table and the VERY EXPENSIVE LOOKING flat screen TVs that Walmart had put up around the display. To her credit, Paula (because like I said, we are totally on a first name basis) didn’t even looked alarmed to be talking to a giant potato. The only thing that seemed to concern her was making sure that the last three of us in line got our turn. (Bless her heart…and I mean that in a sincere and non snarky manner) She finally convinced Mrs. Potato Head that her turn was over and thats when the trouble started.

They couldn’t get her back out.

So they scootched her this way, and maneuvered her that way and she almost knocked over the VERY EXPENSIVE LOOKING TV and the entire time Paula (I’m not even gonna say it again…) just kept looking at the last of us in line like she would burst into tears if she didn’t clear every last one of us out. I get the feeling she is every bit as nice as she appears on TV and if I ever hear differently, I think I may die of shock. Finally got to the front of the line and met the Queen of Southern Cooking herself…

To say I was on cloud nine would be the understatement of the century. But then….

..the bad naked happened.

Still with me? Stay, you want to hear this.

So I go up the escalator, and check my tweets only to find two bloggers I talk to on twitter a bunch have shown up, Church Punk Mom and her husband, Only Aman. I’m sitting there visiting with them and all of a sudden, Aman says, “Wow, is that lady taking her shirt off?” Now, normally, these words would not get a reaction out of me…or at least not a screeching one. However. The first night of blogher I heard there was a streaker at one of the parties. Apparently, this woman took her clothes off, calmy walked through the room and then went all the way up to the escalator while waving. From all accounts, it was not a good naked, it was a VERY BAD NAKED and boy was I pissed that I missed something that crazy. But here I was, right in the middle of it, so I started yelling, “IT’S HAPPENING!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!!” while running in circles which I think may have alarmed Church Punk and Aman but, you know, it’s part of my hazing ritual. Grabbed the iPhone and snapped this picture for you:

Now, if you haven’t taken me off your Google reader for this, Friday I will post just a ton of pictures of friends and good times…I may even say a few nice things along the way…just don’t tell anyone, okay?

Let’s call this: The One Where I Overpack And The Airline Tries To Turn Me Into A Professional Assasin By Losing My Luggage And Also Wherein I Meet The Craziest Woman At All Of BlogHer. (Long title with serious run on tendencies, but I like it so it stays.)

I’m not going to go into a whole lot of detail about the luggage other than to tell you many profanities were uttered at O’Hare airport in the two hours it took them to find my bag, but take a look at this picture and you will understand just how deep the emotial distress was:

Thankfully my roommates, Jen from Sprite’s Keeper and Mary from Unmitigated knew what they were getting into with me and no one was too shocked when I opened up my suitcase and a thousand shiny stilettos came flying out all over the room. Also, upon arriving, Sprite’s Keeper and I were greeted with this lovely gift from Michele at It’s a Dogs Life and I can promise you I have never needed a glass of wine as much as I needed it then…

Now I know you want to know the dirt. And I’m going to give it to you over the next couple of days but it’s going to take a while to process it all. So I’ll share this one story with you for now where I met the craziest woman at BlogHer (and trust me when I tell you that was a very high honor to achieve with some stiff competition).

The first day I was sitting at a table with Mary from Unmitigated, Amy from OutdoorDogs, Jen Lancaster (and if I have to tell you from where, you really should not be here), Cassie Boorn and Mrs. Fussypants herself, Alli Worthingon. We are all sitting there having a great conversation when this woman who clearly had a high dose of the crazy going on walks up and sort of stares at us until we stop talking. To give you a visual, on her head appeared to be something that was a cross between a poodle and a really pissed off cockatoo. We all sort of blinky stared at her for a few moments until she spoke.

Crazy: Are you guys mommy bloggers?
All of Us: Yes. (Well, except Jen who obviously is not and I think was still trying to process her hair…)
Crazy: Do you guys make money?
All of Us: No. (Well, except Jen and once again if I have explain why she is the exception to the rule…you need to leave now.)
Crazy: Then why do you do it?
TSM: Um, because we enjoy it and we all got to be friends through it.
Crazy: Pausing for some thought here as she looks at her food…then: Well, I guess I’ll still sit with y’all.
All of Us: *blink blink*

So we go back to talking and trying to pretend like craziness is not sitting right there with us. (Hello, Uncomfortable…so glad you could join us.) A few minutes later, she fires up again.

Crazy: So you guys really don’t make any money?
All of Us: NO!!!
Crazy: Then why do you do it?
All of Us: *begin collective banging of heads on tables*
Crazy: Y’all must not be doing it right then.
Alli: Excuse me?
Crazy: I said..If you aren’t making any money you must not be doing it right.
Alli: Do you realize you are sitting at the table with Jen Lancaster who is a NYT Best Selling Author of four books?
Crazy: Yeah? Well she didn’t make any money off her blog though….

At which point, Jen quietly got up and excused herself while the rest of us sat there with our mouths hanging open. I cannot make this stuff up people. Bitch be crazy.

Come back soon and I’ll tell about how in 24 hours I managed to have encounters with Carson Kressley, Paula Deen, Mrs. Potato Head and a streaker which truly taught me the meaning of “bad naked”.

…and I have the pictures to prove it, you have been warned.

We’ve all had our battles with insurance companies, right? I had a pretty massive one with mine when I had Miss G and accidentally underpaid my monthly bill by $7.00 and they expected me to foot the entire bill. I kicked and I screamed and I got my way. They paid. I have a friend, however, who is not having the same luck. And the situation she faced was far more serious than the simple birth of a child.

Her name is Jennifer West Jablon and she only wanted one thing.

She wanted a chance to live.

Jennifer recently underwent a double mastectomy voluntarily because she had the BRCA1 gene. She’s young and she’s a single mom. She also has a family history of breast cancer. Her mother is one of five daughters, three of whom were diagnosed with breast cancer and one of the sisters died from it. Being a responsible mom, Jennifer went and had the test to find out if she was at risk. The news was not good. Her doctors told her she had an 85% chance of developing breast cancer by the time she was 40 and a 99% chance of developing it later in life. Her doctors advised her that the best possible route was to undergo a voluntary double mastectomy and that is exactly what she did. Because she is a single mother.

And she wants to live to raise her son.

Jennifer is also responsible financially. She took out two disability policies to pay for her five week recovery. (Editorial note: When I first posted this, I neglected to mention she took out the policy when she started her job over one year ago, not right before the surgery. At that time, she did not have her surgery planned. For anyone who was wondering about this, please see her note in the comment section.) The first company, Mutual of Omaha, was to pay 60% of her salary. The second, Colonial Life, was to pay a per diem to make up the difference. She paid her premiums. She went into this surgery knowing she was doing the best thing for her and her son and willingly put herself through a tremendous amount of pain and a ton of reconstructive surgery for one thing.

She wants to live.

However, after paying her premiums and doing all the right things and getting the recommendations from the doctors the insurance companies now do not want to pay what they rightfully owe her. Jennifer has tried to reason with them, even sending letters to them explaining the situation and how she certainly would have cost them much more money down the road with radiation, chemotherapy and everything else that goes with a cancer diagnosis.

It’s also important to note that her primary health insurance carrier deemed this medically necessary.

Her emails to the companies that denied her were Scientific:

“I made this decision to have a Prophylactic Mastectomy based on a recommendation by my Surgical Breast Oncologist, Dr. David Euhus, MD, at UT Southwestern Medical Center who has received the following accolades for his work with breast cancer: Marilyn R. Corrigan Distinguished Chair in Breast Cancer Surgery (2003) and The George & Carol Poston Professorship in Breast Cancer Research (1999). I also attended several seminars on genetic breast cancer screening and treatment organized by FORCE (Facing our Risk Cancer Empowerment).”

…and Emotional:

“I am a single mom of a 7 year old boy so it is my responsibility to raise him as well as provide for his needs. In having the surgery, I feel like I am prolonging my lifespan, and to provide for his needs I took out two disability policies so that I could pay my bills.
I proactively took a step that could ultimately save my life and keep me from having to go through chemotherapy and/or radiation. It was neither an easy decision to make nor an easy procedure to endure. I was in surgery 12.5 hours of surgery followed by 12 hours in ICU and 4 more days in the hospital a total of 5 days inpatient care.”

…and finally POWERFUL:

“The costs to all parties involved would be more significant had I waited to develop cancer and then seek treatment. The cost for me and my son could have been my life.”

Jennifer did the right thing. She saved her life so she can be present for her son and help him to grow in to a strong and capable young man. And now, the insurance companies want to bicker with her over what is a small amount of money to them given the premiums they collect on a daily basis from trusting customers who expect them to honor their commitments when they most need it.

The only hope Jennifer has of recovering her money is to make as much noise as possible which is where you come in. If you would tweet or stumble this, you will be my personal hero. Until we all stand up for each other, the big insurance companies like Mutual of Omaha and Colonial Life will still keep taking advantage of the weakest among us when we really need it. The only hope she has right now to get the money they rightfully owe her is to make a bunch of noise.

This weekend we were at my friend Gretchen’s house having a lovely time. I had gone to the restroom earlier and noticed she had a beautiful candle burning…cranberry and orange…so pretty and it smelled fantastic. I should have known that my admiration for that candle could only mean one thing….property destruction shortly thereafter.

Normally, a candle would not cause me to think such a thing. But given that Miss G has managed to morph almost completely into me in the past year or so (minus about one foot and 10 bra sizes) I should have known that she would find the exact same candle irresistable.

This is was the candle:

This is what the candle looks like when a small girl picks it up to sniff and admire it, finds it full of…yes…hot burning wax and drops it on WHITE TRAVERTINE FLOORS.

It’s all over the wall too if you look closely enough. Also, the other wall is covered. And the mirror. And a little on the toilet seat. AND A LOT UNDER THE TOILET SEAT. ..and I think also on the ceiling but to be honest at that point I was busy working out a very difficult physics equation on how one small person could throw that much wax in so many directions.

And apparently, this is what my daughter looked like when she emerged from the bathroom:

After being frantically called back into the house because at first it really looked like she had blood all over her (and based on the level of the shriek I’m fairly sure Gretchen was about to faint) I went to survey the damage in the bathroom. I’m no stranger to this particular game…property destruction is Miss G’s middle name. (sometime we can talk about nail polish and how it can make beautiful wall murals in not only your home…but the very nice homes of your friends as well…) Took one look and immediately asked Gretchen if we could just go ahead and buy her a new house because we had obviously broken this one.

After picking eleventymillion pieces of red wax out of my daughters hair and off her skin, The Man and I set about fixing the house so as not to have to buy an entirely new one (or at least a bath remodel). I spent :30 minutes on my hands and knees with a paint scraper prying the wax off the floor. Here’s the thing you should know about red wax (because I know all of you are very curious about the subject) IT SPREADS. As in, the minute you pick one scoop up some of it drops off and causes another mess. The Man came in next and after :45 minutes in a small bath with Goo Gone and a few rags, I’m fairly sure he may need to be checked into rehab from the fumes. Both of us now covered in bits of red wax and smelling like an odd combination of Cranberry and Goo Gone, the mess was finally clean and we vowed to lock Miss G in a closet the next time we let her out of the house.

So tell me, would you like to host us at your home soon for a get together? I promise you, it won’t be a dull evening.

I go to Atlanta a lot for business these days. Most of the time, I get there, go straight to the hotel and get ready for appointments the next day. I don’t really know anyone there except my MIL (Hi MIL!) and she lives a full hour out of town. It’s a beautiful city and I love it but usually I’m alone there at least the first night before my boss (Hi Boss!) comes into town or I connect with a client for dinner or drinks. I do not do “the alone” well so it can be a bit of a bummer.

All that has changed now. I have found a real live human that I can stalk and force to come out and play with me. If you don’t know her already, meet Becky from Suburban Matron.

Look at how happy I am to be clinging to her in that picture! I promise you it was not the one, two, three glasses of wine I had at dinner either. She is beyond cool and I wish I could move there just to be friends with her. Hey, she’s the one who said we should live closer together so we could hang out. While I can’t possibly move there and leave all my buddies here in Texas, I may pitch a tent in her front yard.

Wait, does that make me a stalker?

Probably.

STAY WITH ME NOW, THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE….

I started stalking Becky online when I read this post of hers in September letting everyone know she had been forced enthusiastically recruited to join the PTA. Having been down that particular road in my life, and having it ended on what I’ll politely call “a bad note” I felt a need to follow her antics. (I’ll just say this, it really all boiled down to one woman and she should have known that showing up at school wearing a shirt that actually said “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”, and giving me shit in a public forum was going to lead to one thing and one thing only…me throwing out an eff bomb and leaving the room, because I’m classy, yo.)

Anyway, Becky started realizing what she may have gotten herself into a few posts later at which point I felt it was my duty to step in, identify myself as a PTA Survivor and tell her to take immediate shelter.

We started communicating back and forth pretty regularly after that through comments until I finally got brave enough to ask her if she’d like to meet in person while I was in Atlanta. Not knowing what she was getting herself into, she accepted.

And now she is never going to get rid of me.

The thing I started to realize, and something we discussed, is that blogging is like pre-screening for friends. You find people you think you like, you read them, and you start emailing back and forth a little bit. Then sometimes there is a phone call or two and then all of a sudden you agree to meet in person. It’s a little nerve wracking at first, you’re not sure you are going to have anything meaningful to talk about but then you realize you already knew this person, maybe better than the girlfriends you see only every once in a while at school, Starbucks or the gym. And then you realize they know you too and cared enough to read you. They stuck with you through your sad stories, they laughed at your funny moments, they actually CARED if you were having a good or a bad day. Then your guard goes down and that’s when it happens. You realize you’ve met someone you want to be friends with in real life. It’s a blind date of sorts, but one where you got to take a little peek into the persons soul beforehand.

This blogging thing? Is pretty cool, isn’t it?

So now it’s your turn. Tell me about your blind dates with other bloggers. Give a little linky love in your posts too! If you’ve had a bad blind bloggy date, share that one too…but no names please!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack up my house for the big move. Becky? Can you just stick a for sale sign in your neighbors yard and get them moving along so I can unload my stuff and not live in your yard?

Thanks, girlfriend!

1. In my life, I have been bone crushing poor, fairly wealthy and now live somewhere in the middle….which is the best and most comfortable place to be. And I am thankful for every step of the way because I learned so much. I have been blessed with a family straight out of a Leave It To Beaver episode and friends that I never dreamed I would be lucky enough to find, let alone keep.
2. I was born in Dallas more years ago than I care to mention
3. My parents were the most happily married people I ever met.
4. I have not one complaint about my up-bringing.
5. My greatest success in life will be if I can be half the Mom my Mother was.
6. I am an only child.
7. In grade school, I was considered obese.
8. Kids used to jump out of their chairs when I sat down like there was an earthquake.
9. I hated most of the kids that did that until my 20th reunion.
10. I have since forgiven because there is so much more to be worried about.
11. In high school I was in Drill Team.
12. I tried out for cheerleader and didn’t make it.
13. I am now thankful for not making cheerleader because it taught me a valuable lesson in life…it won’t always go your way, no matter how much you want it.
14. When I didn’t make cheerleader, my Mother gave me a little present to try and make me feel better.
15. I acted like a total bitch.
16. I wish more than anything I could take that moment back.
17. I was not a total bitch however, to a skinny little popular girl named Lisa, who 27 years later is still one of my best friends and lives only a few streets over….because even if we don’t talk every day, it feels good to be near each other. I love you Weezie.
18. I fell in love for the first time with a boy named John Mark Griffin. John Mark, if you were to by some odd consequence to come across my blog? Thank you for being a gentleman and never asking me to compromise my values…because I probably would have…and to this day, I hope the first love of my daughters life is as respectful as you.
19. I went to college at Stephen F Austin in Nacodoches, Texas.
20. I made a ton of great friends that I didn’t keep up with. I wish I had.
21. I never finished college. I had to come home because my Father was dying.
22. I regret not finishing college.
23. But I don’t regret the reasons why I didn’t.
24. My Dad died in my arms and it haunts me to this day.
25. I never went back to college because I had to take care of my Mother.
26. I will never regret that decision either.
27. After my Dad died and I came home I made some VERY. BAD. DECISIONS. Not a point of my life I am proud of.
28. My Mother fell apart when my dad died and I had to grow up and pick up the tiny little pieces left behind.
29. I don’t regret that part either, although at the time it was….not fun.
30. She never really bounced back even though depressed she was still the funniest person I ever met…and such a good friend.
31. She was my very best friend of all.
32. She introduced me to another best friend…Gretchen…who some 20 odd years later, still makes me laugh every time I talk to her…Gotchy, thank you for being a great friend and a good example to my son…I love you.
33. I, um, shall we say “kissed a lot of frogs” in the 80′s. A LOT. Again, not proud.
34. I dated one guy for four and a half years that was the most verbally abusive human I have ever met. After him I dated a slew of losers that made me doubt my self worth and damaged any hope I had for ever becoming successful.
35. But then I met a guy who changed my life forever.
36. I met my future husband in a bar. He proposed about 300 times before I accepted…and I am not kidding.
37. I am thankful he met my Mom…because she loved him more than any guy I ever brought home before him.
38. She died 6 weeks after we got engaged.
39. I still lived with her because I was picking up the tiny pieces still from my Dad dying and I wasn’t home the night she had a fatal heart attack.
40. I think if I had been home I could have saved her. I will NEVER forgive myself for that night EVER.
41. To this day, I think it’s my fault she died…and I punish myself for it a little bit each day…so many years later.
42. I still cry at least once a week when I think of her, almost 17 years later…that wound will never heal.
43. I still think to this day she was waiting to make sure there was someone in the wings that would love me the way she did. Thank you Mom….he does.
44. The Man and I got engaged six weeks after the first day we kissed…well, that and other stuff.
45. Sometimes you know when right is right and you just go for it.
46. We didn’t tell anyone for six months. SIX MONTHS!!!!!
47. When The Man proposed to me formally so we could tell my Mom, he broke out in hives, even though we had been secretly engaged for six months and I’m pretty sure he knew what the answer was.
48. We couldn’t afford an engagement ring at the time so his Mom gave us a cocktail ring his Dad gave her a long time ago when they were still married.
49. We got married on a ski slope two years later.
50. My entire family was late.
51. His, was not.
52. Thankfully so was the JP (a woman) who married us as well.
53. After we got married, we lived in the house I had grown up in and it fell down around our ears. And by this, I mean the roof was falling in…really.
54. He worked three jobs trying to support us while trying to literally put the roof back on the house by himself before it fell in completely.
55. I worship him for that to this day.
56. We finally bought our first (non falling down) house in Carrolton, Texas. It was great. And we were very proud of it.
57. We had next door neighbors that we would sit in the front yard with and get totally smashed on Halloween…I wish I knew where they are now because they were awesome.
58. We dreamed of starting a family but we couldn’t afford it.
59. And then I got a job at a start up called Yahoo.
60. My job at Yahoo came courtesy of my third best friend Traci….who has had to put up with my craziness perhaps more than all the other BFF crowd. Traci, you are my apex and I don’t have to tell you how much I love you….we say it to each other all the time, not with words but with the bond we share and the bond our children are forming.
61. And I got pregnant.
62. My favorite movie in the entire world is, “It’s a Wonderful Life” so when I found out I was pregnant, I came home and said, “Mr Man Lasoos Stork!” and he almost fell over.
63. I still remember exactly where he was standing when I told him.
64. We moved to a bigger house in Coppell, Texas a few months before Mr. C was born.
65. We had the most awesome neighbors there as well.
66. I went into labor with Mr. C at work and refused to leave.
67. It was a Monday.
68. I got home and started making a lot of noise during Monday Night Football.
69. The Man did not like that.
70. 21 hours later…and only two of those with drugs, Mr. C made his entry into the world…and my whole life changed.
71. I love my son more than life itself.
72. And my job was crazy….i traveled all the time and missed his first steps.
73. And then I got pregnant again and quit when I was six months along and took four years off..
74. We moved to again two weeks before Miss G was born.
75. The house we moved into was designed from the ground up by me….architecture, knobs on cabinets….everything….and it was magnificent.
76. I unpacked the entire house during my nesting phase.
77. And then 9/11 happened. And the world changed.
78. I delivered Miss G three days later on 9/14…but I had gestational diabetes and they took her away for six hours…but when they brought her to me, she looked like the most perfect girl I had ever seen.
79. My heart split in two and I learned as much as you love the first baby, you love the second one just as much.
80. And your husband even more than you already did.
81. After Miss G was past her first year, I went to cooking school.
82. Before that I couldn’t boil an egg.
83. I am now an excellent cook when I choose to be.
84. Miss G started pre-school and Mr. C started elementary school.
85. I joined the PTA.
86. That was a bad decision.
87. After a year of listening to bickering and taking slack from a woman who wore a t-shirt to school that said “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” I actually said “Fuck y’all” and walked the hell out.
88. Best decision I ever made.
89. Love the women there now, I think I just lucked into an extremely dysfunctional year.
90. We moved out of the house I built and into another one because the area we lived in was not exactly kid friendly and we found that the house, as grand as it was, no longer made us happy.
91. Through the process of living in that grand house and then moving out of it and the speculation that went on in our neighborhood, I realized I had a fourth best friend…the fourth horseman actually…in the form of a woman named Korey who made me realize that I could balance my life and a big career because she has been the master of that for many, many years. Korey..my Korean sister…I love you and you know it.
92. I went back to work for CBS Digital.
93. I worked for a guy that I would kill for to this day….Chris Fix? You hear me? You gave me all of my confidence back and for that? I am forever grateful and in your debt. I mean that my friend.
94. A couple of jobs later I am at another company whose name I will not say, but I’m happy.
95. My children are now 10 and 7.
96. Mr. C is the most thoughtful child I have ever met. His heart breaks at the thought of hurting someones feelings and he gives the best snuggles ever.
97. Miss G is a life force unto itself. She is thoughtful as well, but will not think for a minute before shutting you down in the most public manner possible.
98. The apple, it would seem, does not fall far from the tree.
99. And I am still….almost 15 years later, married to The Man.
100. We have had more than our fair share of ups and downs and to this day, I am so thankful for that very fateful day when I met him in a bar and acted every inch not the lady…and he fell in love with me anyway.

So to all of those that read me, first of all….THANK YOU. You have made my day as I have gotten to know all of you. My life is forever changed for having the pleasure of getting to know you, in real life or just in cyber space…I am so very thankful for each and every one of you.

And to each and every member of my family and friends, whether mentioned or not, I am the luckiest girl in the world for having the support system around me that I do…I love you all!

I am thankful for….Canadians.

Always have been, always will be. There is something in the water up there that just makes them nicer.

We’ve almost always had Canadian neighbors here in Texas. At one house, we had a guy who played for the Stars Hockey team two doors down. The year they won the Stanley Cup, he sent his girls out to ring every doorbell on the street for a big party. Everyone got to take family pictures with the cup and then the men hung out and drank champagne out of it.

Our next house came complete with Canadian neighbors as well. We became so close with them that we cut a gate into the fence between our yards because the constant back and forth on an almost nightly basis was easier that way. When our house had to have the floors ripped out, we moved in to their home for a month. And then we vacationed together. Enough to kill any friendship, right? Not this one.

I am blessed with two Mother In Laws. They are both lovely women that I am happy think of as friends that I enjoy spending time with. One is a Southern Belle in Georgia. The other? Is Canadian.

I thought I had run out of luck when we moved into the house we currently live in. No Canadians. But then I started blogging. Canadians again! A plethora of Canadians! Well not a plethora, but for sure a few really cool ones starting coming by my site. Captain Dumbass, Keely, Mamma Trish, Sherendipity…all these super cool people who I clicked with immediately. Because they were Canadian. If I forgot you? It’s only because I didn’t know you were Canadian. And I probably love you just as much.

Then yesterday we got a box in the mail. From Canada. For my daughter, who was beyond excited because it was pink and had a special label on it.

It even had one of her nicknames.

And she couldn’t wait to open the box.

And in it was Esther the Bear who flew from way up North to come live with her.

Esther came with a special greeting.

And Miss G was excited.

So very excited.

Excited enough to stop fighting with her brother and take the time to dress Esther up and give her a tour of her new home.

And all of these smiles were courtesy of another Canadian I am a fan of…Saucy at Bloggedy Blog Blog, who picked our home for Esther to come live at because she knew exactly how little girls think. Because she has a very incredible girl of her own named Loopy. Who loves Pink. And who now has a huge fan of her own in Texas. Oh, and Loopy? Miss G will have a pink streak in her hair in your honor as soon as school is out. Because we both think you are that cool!

So thank you Canada for always being so nice to me and sending such great people into my life. And Saucy? Thank you for the emails that made me feel like I know you a little bit and the visits to my site…but most of all for the huge smile that never went away yesterday on my favorite little girl of all.

Common sense would dictate that I should just throw this money back into the family checking account especially during these tough times. However, I haven’t splurged on myself in a REALLY LONG TIME. I’m sorta feeling like it might be that time…time to be selfish and go shopping for something I would never, ever use our household money for.

It’s really been a long time since I’ve considered buying something totally frivolous for myself so help me out. What would you buy if you had a little windfall of cash like I did yesterday and would you feel guilty about it?

PS: If you are participating in NaBloPoMo, please leave me a comment and let me know…I’m putting as many in a blogroll as I can so we can support each other as we crawl towards the finish line!