From the category archives:

My Hoppin’ Social Life

Haunted House Tour

by Mary Anne on October 30, 2009

I’ve been accused of having a serious problem with Halloween. You decide.

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This is my dining room table once we unearthed all the decorations. As you can see, I even decorated my daughter for the decorating. Redundant? Yes, but you didn’t come here for perfect grammar did you? Also, the blurry thing on the side is the cat making a break for it before I tried to decorate her too.

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This is Zed the Zombie that will great you at our front door. “Zed’s dead, baby…” 10 pts if you can guess what line that movie is from.

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This would be my chandelier covered in tiny ghouls…here take a closer look….

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Do you want to know how long it took to get those creepy little guys up there? No. You really don’t.

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I love that this bony lady appears to be flipping us off…she has such a bad attitude, she fits right in around here.

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That’s the banquet in our dining room. Has anyone seen The Man lately?

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Oh, that’s right, I forgot about that “little fight” we had…

We also have a party for our friends every year at Halloween. Throughout the house, you will find pictures of famous people who “went to the other side” since the last Halloween.

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Before you think the entire house is totally creepy, it’s not. It is decked out as well but mostly with cute stuff like this:

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and this…
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and these guys….

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To be honest, I think that one little pumpkin is just shocked at the staggering amount of alcohol behind him.

After seeing all this, do you think I have a problem?

Okay, maybe I do.

Hope you have a spooktacular Halloween!

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If there is one thing I know about my daughter it is this…she wants to be JUST LIKE ME. I don’t know why exactly but she is well on her way. Likes to change outfits 20 times a day? Check. Need for constant attention? Roger that. Intense love of shoes? A pair of new flip flops can bring her to tears. Deep fascination with all things pretty and sparkly and anything that smells good? We have that in spades. Add in here a beautiful candle at a friends house and one very curious little girl and you’ve got yourself the making of a story.

This weekend we were at my friend Gretchen’s house having a lovely time. I had gone to the restroom earlier and noticed she had a beautiful candle burning…cranberry and orange…so pretty and it smelled fantastic. I should have known that my admiration for that candle could only mean one thing….property destruction shortly thereafter.

Normally, a candle would not cause me to think such a thing. But given that Miss G has managed to morph almost completely into me in the past year or so (minus about one foot and 10 bra sizes) I should have known that she would find the exact same candle irresistable.

This is was the candle:

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This is what the candle looks like when a small girl picks it up to sniff and admire it, finds it full of…yes…hot burning wax and drops it on WHITE TRAVERTINE FLOORS.

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Please note that this is merely wax spilled on the floor. No small animals or small children were killed in the making of this photo. Not that the thought didn’t enter my mind…

It’s all over the wall too if you look closely enough. Also, the other wall is covered. And the mirror. And a little on the toilet seat. AND A LOT UNDER THE TOILET SEAT. ..and I think also on the ceiling but to be honest at that point I was busy working out a very difficult physics equation on how one small person could throw that much wax in so many directions.

And apparently, this is what my daughter looked like when she emerged from the bathroom:

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After being frantically called back into the house because at first it really looked like she had blood all over her (and based on the level of the shriek I’m fairly sure Gretchen was about to faint) I went to survey the damage in the bathroom. I’m no stranger to this particular game…property destruction is Miss G’s middle name. (sometime we can talk about nail polish and how it can make beautiful wall murals in not only your home…but the very nice homes of your friends as well…) Took one look and immediately asked Gretchen if we could just go ahead and buy her a new house because we had obviously broken this one.

After picking eleventymillion pieces of red wax out of my daughters hair and off her skin, The Man and I set about fixing the house so as not to have to buy an entirely new one (or at least a bath remodel). I spent :30 minutes on my hands and knees with a paint scraper prying the wax off the floor. Here’s the thing you should know about red wax (because I know all of you are very curious about the subject) IT SPREADS. As in, the minute you pick one scoop up some of it drops off and causes another mess. The Man came in next and after :45 minutes in a small bath with Goo Gone and a few rags, I’m fairly sure he may need to be checked into rehab from the fumes. Both of us now covered in bits of red wax and smelling like an odd combination of Cranberry and Goo Gone, the mess was finally clean and we vowed to lock Miss G in a closet the next time we let her out of the house.

So tell me, would you like to host us at your home soon for a get together? I promise you, it won’t be a dull evening.

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I’m Moving To Atlanta Y’all!

by Mary Anne on April 7, 2009

Not really. Got you to open my post though didn’t it? Yeah, I’m all tricky like that.

I go to Atlanta a lot for business these days. Most of the time, I get there, go straight to the hotel and get ready for appointments the next day. I don’t really know anyone there except my MIL (Hi MIL!) and she lives a full hour out of town. It’s a beautiful city and I love it but usually I’m alone there at least the first night before my boss (Hi Boss!) comes into town or I connect with a client for dinner or drinks. I do not do “the alone” well so it can be a bit of a bummer.

All that has changed now. I have found a real live human that I can stalk and force to come out and play with me. If you don’t know her already, meet Becky from Suburban Matron.

I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

Look at how happy I am to be clinging to her in that picture! I promise you it was not the one, two, three glasses of wine I had at dinner either. She is beyond cool and I wish I could move there just to be friends with her. Hey, she’s the one who said we should live closer together so we could hang out. While I can’t possibly move there and leave all my buddies here in Texas, I may pitch a tent in her front yard.

Wait, does that make me a stalker?

Probably.

STAY WITH ME NOW, THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE….

I started stalking Becky online when I read this post of hers in September letting everyone know she had been forced enthusiastically recruited to join the PTA. Having been down that particular road in my life, and having it ended on what I’ll politely call “a bad note” I felt a need to follow her antics. (I’ll just say this, it really all boiled down to one woman and she should have known that showing up at school wearing a shirt that actually said “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”, and giving me shit in a public forum was going to lead to one thing and one thing only…me throwing out an eff bomb and leaving the room, because I’m classy, yo.)

Anyway, Becky started realizing what she may have gotten herself into a few posts later at which point I felt it was my duty to step in, identify myself as a PTA Survivor and tell her to take immediate shelter.

We started communicating back and forth pretty regularly after that through comments until I finally got brave enough to ask her if she’d like to meet in person while I was in Atlanta. Not knowing what she was getting herself into, she accepted.

And now she is never going to get rid of me.

The thing I started to realize, and something we discussed, is that blogging is like pre-screening for friends. You find people you think you like, you read them, and you start emailing back and forth a little bit. Then sometimes there is a phone call or two and then all of a sudden you agree to meet in person. It’s a little nerve wracking at first, you’re not sure you are going to have anything meaningful to talk about but then you realize you already knew this person, maybe better than the girlfriends you see only every once in a while at school, Starbucks or the gym. And then you realize they know you too and cared enough to read you. They stuck with you through your sad stories, they laughed at your funny moments, they actually CARED if you were having a good or a bad day. Then your guard goes down and that’s when it happens. You realize you’ve met someone you want to be friends with in real life. It’s a blind date of sorts, but one where you got to take a little peek into the persons soul beforehand.

This blogging thing? Is pretty cool, isn’t it?

So now it’s your turn. Tell me about your blind dates with other bloggers. Give a little linky love in your posts too! If you’ve had a bad blind bloggy date, share that one too…but no names please!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack up my house for the big move. Becky? Can you just stick a for sale sign in your neighbors yard and get them moving along so I can unload my stuff and not live in your yard?

Thanks, girlfriend!

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Merry Christmas To Me!

by Mary Anne on December 11, 2008

It’s happening. I’m finally doing it. That tidy little sum of money I won in a bet around the beginning of November? I’m spending it tomorrow. So many great suggestions from you guys on what to buy…I considered them all! I thought about spreading it out and buying some cute outfits but then I thought about the one thing I really wanted, and have dreamed about having for years, that I would never ever, ever never buy for myself and realized I had just enough money to pull it off.

But I’m not going to tell you what it is.

You have to guess.

Be the first to decode this and you will win….well you won’t win anything but I’ll give you a public shout out tomorrow on my blog with linky love just for being so damn smart.

hniasrtci oituusobnl

Go ahead…guess!

PS: Oh, and East Coast Fan? Since you already know do me a favor and don’t answer the question!!! I love you but I will fly to CT and hunt you down if you mess with me!

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Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who Do We Appreciate?

by Mary Anne on November 15, 2008

It’s Saturday in Texas and you know what that means!!! It’s time to fire up the big hair, bust out the sparkle tee and take the Stiletto Mom show on the road to another cheer competition! Today I’ll be shaking my pom poms and ringing my cowbell (yes, really) in Fort Worth, Texas as Miss G takes the stage in front of what should be thousands of crazy cheer parents. Last time was my first competition and I didn’t realize it but people dress up for these things. I am not kidding people, I’m talking blinged out T-shirts and belts that LIGHT UP. Sometimes on people who should probably consider not lighting up their mid section. The parents on my kids team are NORMAL (thank you God!!!). They dress with team spirit and everything, but lights and over the top bling? Not so much.

Y’all know how I am though…I need to sink to the lowest common denominator in any given situation. So I went out and bought this. I hope the normal people that comprise our conservative, yet spirity, but still non-neon-lit up parents on our cheer squad will still sit with me…what do you think?

The thing is, when I tried it on all the leaves fell off the trees, the wind began to howl, small animals covered their eyes with their tiny paws and ran for protection and The Man said, “Damn baby, you might be too old for that outfit…but save it for later tonight and we’ll give it a test run.” Hey, it came with stilettos…so I figured it was worth a try. Who knew middle aged wasn’t the new 16? Pffft!!!

Thank God we joined the team we did and I don’t have to show up looking like this…I’d hate to cause the hysterical blindness I’ve seen a few of the other teams cheer moms cause.

Update: She did it! Miss G was one of those crazy fliers way up at the top of a moving pyramid….she stayed up the entire time and looked like she was having the time of her life! I, on the other hand, aged approximately 10 years during her teams three minute routine. Why don’t they serve martini’s at these things anyway?!?

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