The Pants Situation

This entry should also be called why Martha MacCallum should never let the cameras shoot her from the backside. So here I am, mindlessly watching Fox News. Martha MacCallum is on. I’ve always been sorta jealous of her…all blonde and smart and ….well, everything. My emotions really border on hatred for her perfection. Until today. Thank you camera two. She must have really pissed this guy off because there was a good long shot of her backside…in a white suit (not good)…with a microphone wire all up in her business (not gooder). Now that I have discovered she is indeed flawed (though only slightly), I am willing to stop being a hater. Martha, you may have that well deserved sigh of relief now.

Howdy Y’all!

So…here I am, starting my blog.    Will you be interested?  This, I do not know, nor do I care.   You see, I am the mother of two children and I work beyond full time.  Oh, and BTW, I am 42 years old….have gone through multiple diets and yes, plastic surgery.   .  Still, I have a bulge that would serve as a flotilla for my children in the event of a plane crash over water so I have that going for me.  

 

Here I am now and welcome to my life, wouldn’t take a moment of it back.  I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way, have a great marriage (though he will get skewered in my posts and he is really ok with that), had two amazing children and made some great friends along the way.  Let’s talk a little bit about me and then all y’all can talk about yourselves.

 

 I trust you have picked up on the “all y’all” reference above.   I am a true blue, Southern diva, and there just is no shame in that….y’all.   Married to The Man who I have been in love with for over 17 years.  Children, check.  In perfect order at that.  Mr. C  is a thriving 9 year old with the soul of a 60 year old.    He can look you in the eye and know exactly what is going on your head and btw, give the most amazing hugs known to mankind.   If I must  point out a downside, he HATES to lose at anything. Miss G is the girliest girl that ever drew breath and I fear for my life going forward as she is the biggest force of life I have ever seen in my (ugh) 42 years on this planet.   She is 7 years old and to be honest I fear for my life when I look at her because she is surely going to live up to my dear, departed Mother’s threat, “I hope you have one just like you so you know what my life is like.”   Thanks, Mom….love you and miss you but that was a bit harsh on payback.   

 

I live in a gated community, very upscale, and let me tell you, “Desperate Housewives’ got nothin’ on us.   I have petitioned for a special section in the community that “gates in” the bitches that drive me crazy…sadly, to no avail.  I think sometimes the gates serve more to keep us in than to keep the “undesirables” out.    The women in this neighborhood alternate between those I can’t imagine my life without, and those I can’t imagine my life with.    But here I am, in the middle of heaven and hell and I wouldn’t pick anywhere else to live.  

 

I work at a company that is a startup.   I’ve been in advertising for close to 20 years and in online since it’s earliest days.  I’ve met people throughout my career that will be my friends for the rest of my life and some that I dearly  look forward to secretly tripping on the street should I ever have the misfortune to see them again. 

 

I am not a published author, unless you could the endless power point presentations I have shown to clients and agencies alike to help them convince the American public that theirs is the greatest product or service ever known to mankind and must be bought RIGHT NOW though I hope someday my words will appear in something other than a 12 page deck.     20 pages if I’m feeling especially passionate about it, or just can’t hear enough of my own voice.  

 

One thing you should know about me:   I know more than you…and everyone on the planet.   I have to ask, why am I not a CEO at this  point or better yet…why I am not a contender in this Presidential election is totally beyond me…you will love me once you get to know me, trust…everyone does.  (Did I mention how humble I am?)

 

So here we are, and I hope we get to be friends…or at least on a superficial level because I enjoy that level so much.   All you Mommies, join in, give a shout out because honestly, is anyone more amazing than us?    

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