I’m Moving To Atlanta Y’all!

suburban-matron

Not really. Got you to open my post though didn’t it? Yeah, I’m all tricky like that.

I go to Atlanta a lot for business these days. Most of the time, I get there, go straight to the hotel and get ready for appointments the next day. I don’t really know anyone there except my MIL (Hi MIL!) and she lives a full hour out of town. It’s a beautiful city and I love it but usually I’m alone there at least the first night before my boss (Hi Boss!) comes into town or I connect with a client for dinner or drinks. I do not do “the alone” well so it can be a bit of a bummer.

All that has changed now. I have found a real live human that I can stalk and force to come out and play with me. If you don’t know her already, meet Becky from Suburban Matron.

I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

Look at how happy I am to be clinging to her in that picture! I promise you it was not the one, two, three glasses of wine I had at dinner either. She is beyond cool and I wish I could move there just to be friends with her. Hey, she’s the one who said we should live closer together so we could hang out. While I can’t possibly move there and leave all my buddies here in Texas, I may pitch a tent in her front yard.

Wait, does that make me a stalker?

Probably.

STAY WITH ME NOW, THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE….

I started stalking Becky online when I read this post of hers in September letting everyone know she had been forced enthusiastically recruited to join the PTA. Having been down that particular road in my life, and having it ended on what I’ll politely call “a bad note” I felt a need to follow her antics. (I’ll just say this, it really all boiled down to one woman and she should have known that showing up at school wearing a shirt that actually said “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”, and giving me shit in a public forum was going to lead to one thing and one thing only…me throwing out an eff bomb and leaving the room, because I’m classy, yo.)

Anyway, Becky started realizing what she may have gotten herself into a few posts later at which point I felt it was my duty to step in, identify myself as a PTA Survivor and tell her to take immediate shelter.

We started communicating back and forth pretty regularly after that through comments until I finally got brave enough to ask her if she’d like to meet in person while I was in Atlanta. Not knowing what she was getting herself into, she accepted.

And now she is never going to get rid of me.

The thing I started to realize, and something we discussed, is that blogging is like pre-screening for friends. You find people you think you like, you read them, and you start emailing back and forth a little bit. Then sometimes there is a phone call or two and then all of a sudden you agree to meet in person. It’s a little nerve wracking at first, you’re not sure you are going to have anything meaningful to talk about but then you realize you already knew this person, maybe better than the girlfriends you see only every once in a while at school, Starbucks or the gym. And then you realize they know you too and cared enough to read you. They stuck with you through your sad stories, they laughed at your funny moments, they actually CARED if you were having a good or a bad day. Then your guard goes down and that’s when it happens. You realize you’ve met someone you want to be friends with in real life. It’s a blind date of sorts, but one where you got to take a little peek into the persons soul beforehand.

This blogging thing? Is pretty cool, isn’t it?

So now it’s your turn. Tell me about your blind dates with other bloggers. Give a little linky love in your posts too! If you’ve had a bad blind bloggy date, share that one too…but no names please!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack up my house for the big move. Becky? Can you just stick a for sale sign in your neighbors yard and get them moving along so I can unload my stuff and not live in your yard?

Thanks, girlfriend!

Spring Cleaning Stiletto Style

pantry

It’s that time of year, time for a little spring cleaning. I’m not sure what’s gotten into me but this year I’ve got it BAD. Yesterday for no apparent reason, I took on the pantry. Any person in their right mind would take it a shelf at a time. Not me. No sir. I like to morph into total OCD mode and really go nuts. Things flying everywhere, loud sighs of disgust, screams as I uncover something that may or may not result in a strain of the bubonic plague if it were to be unleashed on humanity from my home in Texas. It is usually at this point that The Man, children and animals hide or wisely leave the house entirely, much like when Bitchmas rolls around.

So, here we are before the madness:

And after…FIVE enormous bags of garbage later, my pantry looks like this:

Of course now we have no food but whatever.

All I can say is when you have canned goods with an expiration date of 2006…it’s time to make some drastic changes. As if the cans, empty wrappers and stale leftover bits of chips and nuts flying out of the pantry at a furious pace was not enough to alarm my family, I now plan to take the additional annoying step of getting out the P-Touch and labeling the shelves so no one messes with my “new and improved” system. Think I’m kidding? Oh no, I’m not. You put the mayo where the syrup is supposed to sit and you’ll be answering to me.

Which brings me to my blog. It’s been seven months that I have been torturing you people and it’s time to pay you back. Thanks to my wonderful friend Deanna at Domestic Chicky, this place is getting a good once over and clean up. This is where you come in. In addition to everything else that is going to get all fancied up around here over the next few months, the blogroll needs some updating. If you’d like to be on my blogroll, please leave me a comment and let me know. It’ll be a while before the changes start to take place but this is my first step in getting organized and being a better bloggy friend. So leave me a comment and I’ll get you added.

In the meantime, I have to figure out where the P-Touch is buried so I can get on with the business of scaring my family with this new found obsession…

Did I Actually Say That?

wordle

Have you guys tried this yet? It’s Wordle and it is so fun…and slightly disturbing. Here’s mine from last night:

Wordle will go into your site and pull random words and make them into a fun scramble. If you don’t have a blog, you can go there and just type in a bunch of words (I did a family one with all of our names, descriptions and words I think describe us…very cute!) and see what comes back. You can arrange by font, shape, color…basically you create what they call your own “beautiful word cloud”. Or in my case, “tacky shit storm”.

I look at most of the words and I can tell you what post they came from and even in what context they were used. The one that gets me though is up at the top right…see that? The part that says “blow someone tiny”? I have to tell you, I just have no recollection of giving any type of sex advice for small people. Although I suppose anything is possible.

Go try it at www.wordle.net and then let me know if you are as demented as I apparently am!

And Then I Met Jen…

jen-lancaster

Have I told you how much I love Jen Lancaster? Have I? If not, let me recap. I bought “Bitter Is The New Black” the day it came out. It was a fluke, because I had never heard of her at that point. But still. Seredipity I tell you.

I had already signed up for Blissdom when I heard she was coming which makes me slightly less of a stalker…but not really. Leading up to the event, I re-read Bitter is the New Black and Bright Lights, Big Ass in TWO DAYS. I should also tell you that this came on the heels of me devouring all four Twilight books in the course of one month. The Man thought he was finally going to be able to have a conversation with me again. That is, until he saw me with my Jen Lancaster books and immediately said, “Oh God, not HER again!”. Yep….she was back with vengence in our lives.

Also, you should know that I sent her an email in advance of Blissdom. Having never sent fan mail before, I felt like a total ass but felt it was only fair to warn her that I might perhaps be a bit, JUST A TINY BIT of a full time resident of Jennsylvania and her number one fan. (Not number one fan like Stephen King’s Misery, more like I’d like to kidnap her and force her to go for mannies and peddies and then come back home, bake brownies, braid each others hair and watch American Idol….just to be clear.)

I had private coaching sessions with myself in the weeks leading up to Blissdom where I repeatedly lectured myself to maintain control. “You are not going to freak out. You are not going to make an ass of yourself. You are not going to GUSH ALL OVER HER.

Really?

OH YES I WAS.

I saw Jen the first night at the cocktail party, walked up, introduced myself and she said “Oh, you’re The Stiletto Mom? I asked someone else if they were you earlier today.”

WHAT???

Control flew out the door and I proceeded to vomit tiny pink hearts and daisies at her feet.

OhMyGod…YouWon’tBelieveThisButIReReadTheFirstTwoBooksBecause
IHadToGetInTouchWithMyInnerJenBeforeICameThereAndOMGTheyWereStill
EveryBitAsGoodMyHusbandIsAboutToKillMeBecauseITotallyStoppedTalking
ToHimDidYouLikeTwighlight?AnywayIJustWantedToIntroduceMyself
BecauseIJustLoveAllOfYourBooksAndYouAreTheEntireReasonIHaveABlog…

Deep Breath…and…

DO YOU MIND IF I HUG YOU???

Ahem.

Thankfully, she is probably one of the Nicest. People. Ever. because not only did she allow me to vault myself at her and give her a hug, she continued to talk to me for several minutes after. Seriously people? She could have been standoffish given that little stalky moment I threw out but she made me feel like I had known her forever. When someone else walked up to her she was nice enough to say “Come find me tomorrow, we’ll finish talking.”

Wait. That sounded like an invitation.

So, of course I found her. I asked for a picture with her first thing in the morning.

In the afternoon, I sat through her panel on book deals and then her keynote address which was nothing short of awesome. She listed some tenents she lives by, they were all great but my favorite by far was “Learn to embrace your failures.” Not only is this my favorite because I totally agree, but also because she is living proof that if you take the time to really examine what happened and how you played a roll in it, not only do you learn from it but you can change the course of your life by building on that knowledge. I have many failures I can wrap my arms around so I figure I’ve got a really good start on this one and plan to put it in action quickly.

No, really, I’m being serious. I am the proud owner of a truckload of FAIL, I’m hoping I may be on to something here.

After listening to her speech, I ran out to the table where they were selling books for her to autograph. Sure, this marks the fourth time I’ve bought Bitter is the New Black (twice while I was reading it because I lost one, one before leaving Dallas for her to autograph that I left behind and now this) but who’s counting? I waited in a very long line and when I finally made it up to the front, I told her that really my stalking would not be complete if I didn’t have the chance to wait in line and buy her book for the fourth time. I am serious about my stalking and I think she appreciated it because look how she signed my book…

Wait. Was that another invitation? Probably not. But why let a silly thing like a possible restraining order stop me from entertaining myself the rest of the conference? Pfft.

Later that night, after the belching incident with my tiny friend, White Trash Mom, she and I joined a table in the restaurant where Poppy Buxom, Domestic Chicky, Vintage Squirrel and of course, Jen Lancaster, were sitting. (pretty sure she knew she wasn’t gonna get away from me at this point…) I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun it was…total silliness, lots of giggling and for me, perhaps one drink too many. When it was time to call it a night (which they chose to call it a night…I chose to continue my stupidity with Tara from Ligit Amy at OutDoorDogs and Michelle from Vintage Squirrel who also chose to soldier on…) I had to start the whole unfortunate hugging thing again. What can I say, I’m a lovah. I’m not sure, BUT, I think I stepped on Jen’s toes or maybe it was Poppy Buxom…either way, probably not my proudest moment. Way to leave a mark, and by mark, I mean a possible bruise.

So there you have it, the story of how I met someone I’ve been dying to meet for several years and made a bigger fool of myself than the time I met Tom Cruise.

Yes, really.

Good thing she told us all about that “Embracing your failures” thing….looks like I’ve got something to bear hug after this conference!

Merry Christmas To Me!

It’s happening. I’m finally doing it. That tidy little sum of money I won in a bet around the beginning of November? I’m spending it tomorrow. So many great suggestions from you guys on what to buy…I considered them all! I thought about spreading it out and buying some cute outfits but then I thought about the one thing I really wanted, and have dreamed about having for years, that I would never ever, ever never buy for myself and realized I had just enough money to pull it off.

But I’m not going to tell you what it is.

You have to guess.

Be the first to decode this and you will win….well you won’t win anything but I’ll give you a public shout out tomorrow on my blog with linky love just for being so damn smart.

hniasrtci oituusobnl

Go ahead…guess!

PS: Oh, and East Coast Fan? Since you already know do me a favor and don’t answer the question!!! I love you but I will fly to CT and hunt you down if you mess with me!

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