From the category archives:

BLOGGER BITS

Happy Birthday Blog!

by Mary Anne on August 2, 2009

Dear Blog,

Happy Birthday!

This weekend you turned one year old. I can’t help but notice that there are so many similarities between you and the two actual humans I birthed…the noteable exception being that you have been much more labor intensive.

First of all, I have never since been as nervous about putting something out there for the world to get to know. I was nervous for you to show up. You are the ultimate extension of me outside of those two humans I had many years ago. Would people like you? Would they be mean to you? Or would you fit in? Jury is still out on that one but for the most part, all my worry has been for naught thus far.

You were born on August 1st. Leading up to your birth, I fretted over your name. Whatever I was going to call you would be your handle so to speak for the rest of your life. Would the other bloggers think you were too bitchy? Too Stiletto’y? Too….snotty? But then I remembered you are part of me and I am bitchy, stiletto’y and snotty and I’ve gotten along okay in this world and assumed you would too.

After you were born, much like my children, you kept me up all night. You would wake me up at 3:00 in the morning with thoughts that needed to be written on you. You would scream in my head until I answered and dragged myself out of bed to my keyboard, only to face a full work day at 7:00 am. There were nights when I wondered why on earth I came up with the crazy idea to have you in the first place.

You’ve caused some chaos in this house as well. The Man often wonders why I spend so much time with you at night. I tell him it’s because you are young and someday, maybe, you’ll amount to something if I pay enough attention to you. The good news is The Man is always supportive of my thoughts and dreams and he has since gotten fully on board with how much work it is to nurture you. He’s a keeper.

You walked early. Around one month, you started making some friends, and they were very nice friends, all of them. I was proud of you. You found some really nice blogs to be friends with and as your author, I was so proud of you. We are still friends with those blogs to this day and I am eternally thankful to you for introducing me to people outside my normal sphere. Diversity in friendships is good, you taught me to go outside my comfort zone, something that outside of work, I had perhaps not been the best at before.

At six months, you demanded I take you to a play date in Nashville called Blissdom. I was so scared but I wanted to do it for you. I didn’t know a single person there but in the end you were right. That play date changed my life because I met friends that I hope we can keep forever. Some have opened a million doors for me, some make me laugh on an almost daily basis, some have showed me how to embrace the joy of life and not be ashamed of being deeply happy in the spot that I occupy here in my little corner of the world.

Now at 1 year old, a decent amount of people know of you and read you on a semi-regular basis. I’d like to thank you for bringing us together. The people I have met through you are amazing and my life would probably be a whole lot smaller for not having known them.

So Happy First Birthday Blog, thank you so much for the world you introduced me to and may you continue to thrive into the toddler years. Now make a wish and blow out the candle…

Much love,
TSM

1st-birthday-cake

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So here we are at the end of the week and guess what? We are also at the end of my BlogHer posts. See? Everything ends eventually if you just have the perserverance to endure it. Your mental strength this week in getting through stories about poodles, cockatoos and Bad Naked deserve some type of award. I mean, I’m not getting you one but you might tell your friends about your bravery and see if they will. Just a thought.

All in all, I’d have to say BlogHer was a great experience. There was a whole lot of a good, and some very bad bad. I pretty much got out of it exactly what I wanted, to see some old friends and meet new ones. The highlight of the entire weekend was Saturday which was by far the most fun day of all.

We started with a group dinner, please don’t even get me started on how delicious the fried Gnocci Literal Dan’s wife ordered…see him back in the corner? BRAVE MAN to go out with all these crazy women.

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Meet my fabulous roomies….Jen from Sprite’s Keeper and Mary from Unmitigated. I am totally in love with them both and plan to find other events where I stalk them. Not one moment of drama in our room and they both put up with the incredible mess I made changing outfits eleventy million times…Ladies, I adore you both.

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After dinner, we headed over to BowlHer where Anna from abdpbt and I decided to start a bloggy war. Here Anna is doing her finest Tupac imitation and I’m doing my best Biggie Boobs. Anna was the first person I didn’t know to comment on my blog and meeting her was a thrill. Still, a bloggy war is a bloggy war and I’m totally going to kick her ass.

anna

Next up was the best and most wonderful part of the entire BlogHer whirlwind, a party at Poppy Buxom’s apartment. Can I tell you how much I love me some Poppy? CAN I? Oh, sorry didn’t mean to yell. I just get all excited when the topic is Poppy…she brings that out in people. Poppy, THANK YOU for giving me an evening I won’t ever forget…brace yourself for a tackle hug at Blissdom ’10.

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Speaking of women I love, here is Stephanie Elliot from Manic Mommy with two of my other roomies, Jill from Shopgirl’s Blog and Mandee from My Life In A Nutshell. And yes, I am in love with all three of them as well….see a pattern forming?

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Of course Jen was there too (if you are asking Jen who?…the door is over there…don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out…) so I had to throw myself on her. Honesty, she puts up with way too much from me and I have no idea why.

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Also, you should know that on this trip, I took my stalking to an entirely new level and managed to harass Jen’s husband Fletch as well. In the first picture, I think he was really wondering how to get away from me but then someone yelled, “Give up, she never leaves…” and I think he came to terms with my hugging problem which honestly was his best and only option. Next up, I’m planning to find a way to have my picture taken with Maisy, their pit bull. She will no doubt have the same reaction.

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After that, Alli and I decided the best thing would be to decorate Fletch with a pink feather boa because, well…I don’t really know why we did that to be honest.

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Speaking of Alli, here she is with me and none other than Vodka Mom. People I’m in love. (I fell in love a lot on this trip…) Vodka Mom is every bit as warm, wonderful, charming and FUNNY as I thought she’d be. Also she is so tiny she is almost purse sized which really made me think about putting her in my carry on and taking her home with me.

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…and last of all, meet my friend Amy from Outdoor Dogs. When we first saw each other we did one of those running hugs you see in commercials? Yeah, well I forgot how tall she is and I face planted directly into the middle of her chest. (Note to all readers: My husband will think that’s hot.) Look at that smile, you can see how happy and funny she is and why it’s so easy to adore her.

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So there you have it….BlogHer in three lengthy, bloviated succinct posts.

God, I’m tired….someone get me a drink.

Update: Just got this video from tellingdad.com. I can’t honestly say I saw all of this but it is a pretty acurate representation of the tweets…and, it is VERY funny…check it out…sense of humor, people…sense of humor.

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Oh, hi…you’re back! I’m really glad because I was afraid that whole “bad naked” warning in my last post might have actually KILLED my blog. Because you have been so kind as to return, I’m going to pass out some glasses to help you get through this one. They have magical powers that will help you get through this post without going blind. Line forms to the left…

Okay, good, all suited up? Let’s go!

Friday night was the big night, I had about five parties to hit. First off was the Hanes party, which was so fun. I could tell you that the swag bag they gave me contained a bra that actually made my boobs sing out of happiness because it was SO COMFORTABLE but that would be TMI. (Oh wait, I already went there…) They were serving Comfortinis, which btw…YUM…and I got to hang out with some Blissdom friends. Sarah and Cassie, who will never get rid of me now…sorry girls!

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Later that night was the Nikon Look Good In Pictures party with none other than Carson Kressley. Which yes, I did meet him…and also managed to kiss him. I don’t have a ton of pics yet (because you know what would have been a smart thing to bring? A CAMERA.) I do have this one…me with Alli Worthington, who so kindly took me to this event, and if the Crazy Woman in the previous post ever wondered why I blog? Being able to count this wonderful woman among my close friends is a good enough reason to make me blog for the rest of my life.

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But then, there was the next day….stay with me…I’m getting to the “bad naked”.

So, I wandered, and I wandered, and I wandered some more. And then I thought, “Hey! Let’s go check out the expo for more swag I don’t need!!!” so off to the expo I went. You can imagine my surprise when I saw a familiar shock of white hair at the Walmart booth and realized it was none other than Paula Deen…so I did what any true southerner and cook would do, freaked out, threw a few elbows and managed to score the third to the last position in line….directly behind Mrs. Potato Head. (Trust me, there is a reason you need to know this.)

The line moved fairly quickly but Paula (because I can call her by her first name now) had a serious hard stop to catch her plane. Finally, I got to the front of the line and waited patiently behind Mrs. Potato Head while they delicately navigated her between the table and the VERY EXPENSIVE LOOKING flat screen TVs that Walmart had put up around the display. To her credit, Paula (because like I said, we are totally on a first name basis) didn’t even looked alarmed to be talking to a giant potato. The only thing that seemed to concern her was making sure that the last three of us in line got our turn. (Bless her heart…and I mean that in a sincere and non snarky manner) She finally convinced Mrs. Potato Head that her turn was over and thats when the trouble started.

They couldn’t get her back out.

blogher-potato-head

So they scootched her this way, and maneuvered her that way and she almost knocked over the VERY EXPENSIVE LOOKING TV and the entire time Paula (I’m not even gonna say it again…) just kept looking at the last of us in line like she would burst into tears if she didn’t clear every last one of us out. I get the feeling she is every bit as nice as she appears on TV and if I ever hear differently, I think I may die of shock. Finally got to the front of the line and met the Queen of Southern Cooking herself…

blogher-paula-deen

To say I was on cloud nine would be the understatement of the century. But then….

..the bad naked happened.

Still with me? Stay, you want to hear this.

So I go up the escalator, and check my tweets only to find two bloggers I talk to on twitter a bunch have shown up, Church Punk Mom and her husband, Only Aman. I’m sitting there visiting with them and all of a sudden, Aman says, “Wow, is that lady taking her shirt off?” Now, normally, these words would not get a reaction out of me…or at least not a screeching one. However. The first night of blogher I heard there was a streaker at one of the parties. Apparently, this woman took her clothes off, calmy walked through the room and then went all the way up to the escalator while waving. From all accounts, it was not a good naked, it was a VERY BAD NAKED and boy was I pissed that I missed something that crazy. But here I was, right in the middle of it, so I started yelling, “IT’S HAPPENING!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!!” while running in circles which I think may have alarmed Church Punk and Aman but, you know, it’s part of my hazing ritual. Grabbed the iPhone and snapped this picture for you:

bad-naked

YOU’RE WELCOME

Now, if you haven’t taken me off your Google reader for this, Friday I will post just a ton of pictures of friends and good times…I may even say a few nice things along the way…just don’t tell anyone, okay?

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Back from BlogHer and OMG do I have stuff to share with you. So much that I don’t even know where to start. I can do one really long post or break this into four smaller ones. Let’s be democratic about this, all if in favor of four smaller posts raise your hand. ::counting:: Okay, good, that’s what I was thinking too…this is why we all get along so well.

Let’s call this: The One Where I Overpack And The Airline Tries To Turn Me Into A Professional Assasin By Losing My Luggage And Also Wherein I Meet The Craziest Woman At All Of BlogHer. (Long title with serious run on tendencies, but I like it so it stays.)

I’m not going to go into a whole lot of detail about the luggage other than to tell you many profanities were uttered at O’Hare airport in the two hours it took them to find my bag, but take a look at this picture and you will understand just how deep the emotial distress was:

overpacking-stinks

Thankfully my roommates, Jen from Sprite’s Keeper and Mary from Unmitigated knew what they were getting into with me and no one was too shocked when I opened up my suitcase and a thousand shiny stilettos came flying out all over the room. Also, upon arriving, Sprite’s Keeper and I were greeted with this lovely gift from Michele at It’s a Dogs Life and I can promise you I have never needed a glass of wine as much as I needed it then…

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Now I know you want to know the dirt. And I’m going to give it to you over the next couple of days but it’s going to take a while to process it all. So I’ll share this one story with you for now where I met the craziest woman at BlogHer (and trust me when I tell you that was a very high honor to achieve with some stiff competition).

The first day I was sitting at a table with Mary from Unmitigated, Amy from OutdoorDogs, Jen Lancaster (and if I have to tell you from where, you really should not be here), Cassie Boorn and Mrs. Fussypants herself, Alli Worthingon. We are all sitting there having a great conversation when this woman who clearly had a high dose of the crazy going on walks up and sort of stares at us until we stop talking. To give you a visual, on her head appeared to be something that was a cross between a poodle and a really pissed off cockatoo. We all sort of blinky stared at her for a few moments until she spoke.

Crazy: Are you guys mommy bloggers?
All of Us: Yes. (Well, except Jen who obviously is not and I think was still trying to process her hair…)
Crazy: Do you guys make money?
All of Us: No. (Well, except Jen and once again if I have explain why she is the exception to the rule…you need to leave now.)
Crazy: Then why do you do it?
TSM: Um, because we enjoy it and we all got to be friends through it.
Crazy: Pausing for some thought here as she looks at her food…then: Well, I guess I’ll still sit with y’all.
All of Us: *blink blink*

So we go back to talking and trying to pretend like craziness is not sitting right there with us. (Hello, Uncomfortable…so glad you could join us.) A few minutes later, she fires up again.

Crazy: So you guys really don’t make any money?
All of Us: NO!!!
Crazy: Then why do you do it?
All of Us: *begin collective banging of heads on tables*
Crazy: Y’all must not be doing it right then.
Alli: Excuse me?
Crazy: I said..If you aren’t making any money you must not be doing it right.
Alli: Do you realize you are sitting at the table with Jen Lancaster who is a NYT Best Selling Author of four books?
Crazy: Yeah? Well she didn’t make any money off her blog though….

At which point, Jen quietly got up and excused herself while the rest of us sat there with our mouths hanging open. I cannot make this stuff up people. Bitch be crazy.

Come back soon and I’ll tell about how in 24 hours I managed to have encounters with Carson Kressley, Paula Deen, Mrs. Potato Head and a streaker which truly taught me the meaning of “bad naked”.

…and I have the pictures to prove it, you have been warned.

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It’s finally here…time for BlogHer. I’d love to tell you that I’m ready for this but that would be a complete and total lie.

I’ve made it this far without wardrobe panic. To be honest, I haven’t really thought about it at all. Until last week when I found out I was going to have the chance to attend the Nikon Night Out party hosted by none other than Carson Kressley. (Note to loyal audience: If at this point you are saying “Who is Carson Kressley?” TSM is now giving you the side eye while quietly informing you he was the fashion expert on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and soon to be my new gay boyfriend…then kicking you in the shins with pointy stiletto for not knowing better.)

I would very much like to see him make this face upon meeting me:

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…and not so much this face:

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I thought I had it all under control but the stress finally set in this last weekend when “ohmygodohmygodohmygod..i’mgoingtomeetcarsonkressley!!!” started playing in an endless loop in my head. I did what any normal person would do and found an A List Blogger to drag into my home, plied her with wine and then dragged her into my closet and subjected her a miniature fashion show. (Because if you are foolish enough to actually enter my home, I like to make sure you are entertained with a small nervous breakdown.) I’m talking about none other than the most fabulous Allison Worthington who was the person kind enough to invite me to such a fancy party and whom I greatly hope to not embarass while there, but I think we all know the odds of that happening are slim at best non-existent.

Anyway, I have it down to two outfits now.

The first is very SJP/Sex in the City:

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…which scares me a little because honestly, I am so not SJP/Sex in the City. I’m more TSM/Yawning at 10 in the Burbs.

The second is the safer choice, more “Little Black Dress Meets Heavy Metal”:

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…but again, it’s the safe choice, I’d blend in more, and also is accompanied by a pair of equally painful shoes.

See my dilemna? So tell me which outfit you think is most appropriate for my planned stalking of Carson Kressley…and you may want to warn him I’m on my way as well.

Also, let me know if you are going to be at BlogHer so I can stalk you too! I’ll be easy to find, I’ll be the one complaining about how much my feet hurt…can’t wait to see you guys!

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