Dear Congressman Weiner,
Let’s chat, shall we? I’d like to start with the obvious, what on earth were you thinking???? I mean, really….your last name has to have caused you some serious grief in your lifetime and to not grasp that and actually twitter a picture of your um, weiner? Seriously, did you not learn anything on those play ground beat downs I’m sure you endured?
Moving on to the next phase of your life, let’s talk about how to pick up chicks. I’ve seen you, it couldn’t have been easy.
But surely you know that texting a picture of your junk is never going to cause a woman to swoon and say, “OMG, I must have this Weiner!” Because honestly Congressman, most of us women find the picture of your junk to be not only offensive, but also ugly. It serves a purpose to be sure, and on a certain level in the correct context makes us very happy, but I can tell you that most of us do not take one look and say, “Look at that gorgeous weiner!!!” Because ick, that’s why.
Also, you mentioned that you had met most of these women on facebook. Really??? I’m scared shitless to spend too much of my working time on facebook and I’m not even responsible for representing a powerful state, I just sell advertising. It just looks bad Weiner, for you and your weiner. Really, really bad. I’m not even going to touch the fact that you cannot remember or care to comment on whether or not you used government time and New York tax dollars to do your weiner’s bidding, I’ll let New York handle that. God knows they have enough issues with security and the economy to care much. Lucky you.
Lastly, I’d like to volunteer my 12 year old son to help you. See, I’ve been harping on him forever that once you hit publish it lives on the interwebs forever. Let me tell you, never have you seen a 12 year old boy get such a chuckle out of a weiner tweeted by a Weiner. Personal note: It worked for us because my alter ego is a 12 year old boy with the same sense of humor and nothing is better than a slightly dirty joke. Except a slightly dirty martini.
Anyway, when I cackled today after you finally admitted you had not been hacked and explained to my son that Weiner had shown his weiner on twitter he laughed and laughed. And then he asked, “What kind of weiner does that???” And then I fell on the floor laughing again, because, as referenced above, I am a 12 year old boy trapped in the body of a fully grown woman…which makes for an odd sense of humor.
Honesly, my tween has better social networking skills than you do. However, I lay no claim to what he might do when he is 15 and will blame you for setting a poor moral example. I’m an opportunistic girl after all.
Congressman Weiner, during your rise to political fame, you should have taken a good long look at moral values. More importantly, you should have taken a look at those vows you spoke to your wife.
Because honestly, I’m sick and tired of hearing about your weiner, Weiner.