Dear Congressman Weiner…We Need To Talk

by Mary Anne on June 6, 2011

Dear Congressman Weiner,

Let’s chat, shall we?   I’d like to start with the obvious, what on earth were you thinking???? I mean, really….your last name has to have caused you some serious grief in your lifetime and to not grasp that and actually twitter a picture of your um, weiner? Seriously, did you not learn anything on those play ground beat downs I’m sure you endured?

Moving on to the next phase of your life, let’s talk about how to pick up chicks.   I’ve seen you, it couldn’t have been easy.

But surely you know that texting a picture of your junk is never going to cause a woman to swoon and say, “OMG, I must have this Weiner!” Because honestly Congressman, most of us women find the picture of your junk to be not only offensive, but also ugly.   It serves a purpose to be sure, and on a certain level in the correct context makes us very happy,  but I can tell you that most of us do not take one look and say, “Look at that gorgeous weiner!!!” Because ick, that’s why.

Also, you mentioned that you had met most of these women on facebook.   Really???  I’m scared shitless to spend too much of my working time on facebook and I’m not even responsible for representing a powerful state, I just sell advertising.    It just looks bad Weiner, for you and your weiner.  Really, really bad.   I’m not even going to touch the fact that you cannot remember or care to comment on whether or not you used government time and New York tax dollars to do your weiner’s bidding, I’ll let New York handle that.   God knows they have enough issues with security and the economy to care much.    Lucky you.

Lastly, I’d like to volunteer my 12 year old son to help you.   See, I’ve been harping on him forever that once you hit publish it lives on the interwebs forever.    Let me tell you, never have you seen a 12 year old boy get such a chuckle out of a weiner tweeted by a Weiner.    Personal note:  It worked for us because my alter ego is a 12 year old boy with the same sense of humor and nothing is better than a slightly dirty joke.   Except a slightly dirty martini.

Anyway, when I cackled today after you finally admitted you had not been hacked and explained to my son that Weiner had shown his weiner on twitter he laughed and laughed.   And then he asked, “What kind of weiner does that???” And then I fell on the floor laughing again, because, as referenced above, I am a 12 year old boy trapped in the body of a fully grown woman…which makes for an odd sense of humor.

Honesly, my tween has better social networking skills than you do.    However, I lay no claim to what he might do when he is 15 and will blame you for setting  a poor moral example.   I’m an opportunistic girl after all.

Congressman Weiner, during your rise to political fame, you should have taken a good long look at moral values.    More importantly, you should have taken a look at those vows you spoke to your wife.

Because honestly, I’m sick and tired of  hearing about your weiner, Weiner.

Yours,

TSM

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Congressman Weiner « News Databank
June 6, 2011 at 10:31 pm
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{ 34 comments }

1 Sarah June 6, 2011 at 7:28 pm

*snort*

I learned my lesson after the Brett Favre debacle to not really google any of this stuff. I was less than impressed with Brett’s…stuff… so, I’m just going to leave Weiner’s weiner to live on forever in the interwebs unseen. By me.
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2 Meg Briggs Grace June 6, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Ahhhh, thank you for the giggles.

3 Bobbi June 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

That was great! And I agree, I like what the weiner does but I don’t want to see it.
I too am a 12 year old boy trapped in a woman’s body.
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4 Stephen June 6, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I actually thought his weiner was hot…lol.

5 Dawn @What's Around the Next Bend? June 6, 2011 at 9:25 pm

bwahahahaha!!
That is all :)
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6 pamela dayton time June 6, 2011 at 9:53 pm

weiners, indeed.
that was hi-freaking-larious.
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7 Gigi June 7, 2011 at 2:52 am

Discounting the fact that he’s a public official and that he’s married…..EWWW! That is NOT the way to court a woman. She’d much rather get flowers, etc. than a picture of that. But it seems that men are so proud of their bits that they can’t grasp that.
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8 Sprite's Keeper June 7, 2011 at 5:33 am

I found it mostly to be pitifully funny, but I was appalled when he admitted to sending these pictures to at least 6 women yet said he never cheated on his wife. Um, what do you call this? Practice?
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9 Gotchy June 7, 2011 at 6:28 am

Bill Clinton officiated his wedding. I think that says it all!

10 Danielle ExtraordinaryMommy June 7, 2011 at 7:13 am

This was just the morning giggle I needed. You are right… yuck. Please don’t send pictures of that – to ANYONE. When will they learn? *sigh*
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11 Krystal June 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

I had something so funny to say but just the image of your 12-year-old alter ego and a dirty martini is wondering whether or not to call your mom and tell on you
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12 Captain Dumbass June 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Heh, you said wiener.
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13 Good Memories Cafe June 8, 2011 at 4:20 am

The ole’ saying, “Stop thinking with your little head, and start thinking with your big head” never crossed his mind obviously. Back in the day (50′s) I hear they used call stupid guys “boners”! With that last name, and that pea size brain he’s certainly a classic boner!

14 Fragrant Liar June 8, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Yeah, that was the year’s biggest boner, for sure.

Weinergate will end (hopefully) once the moron has resigned in disgrace, and it’s really the only thing the he can do at this point.
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15 Casey June 10, 2011 at 10:43 am

I haven’t actually seen Weiner’s weiner but I am having a hard time not stooping to twelve year old status myself. The dude is whack.
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34 MamaBadger June 15, 2011 at 9:21 am

I’m betting his parents didn’t realize until now how fitting his name really is. Weiner.

You should come hang out with us at bath time. Some idiot taught my 3 year old that “poop”, “fart” and “weiner” are only “bathroom” words, to be used while in the bathroom. Now bath time is all of us using those words as much as possible.
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