I’m Back! And Now With More CHEER!

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I took a week off.   There was no excuse for this other than I was in a very bad mood for one entire week.   One. Entire. Week.   The good news is through it all I remained employed, married and still have two children, one dog and one cat.

All is well people, all is well.

My bad mood?  Might possibly be attributed to this:

Yes, it’s cheer season again.  Actually it has been for a while but this year I haven’t had as much to complain about due to the fact we joined a new gym that is making my life seriously easier.   This weekend though?   OY VEY.

There are two things wrong with this picture, three if you have a problem with a small child wearing five layers of makeup.    First of all, notice how dark it is?    Yeah, that’s because this particular picture was taken at 5:45 AM.     I’m going to let that sink in for just a second here.   For you lay people who don’t get to spend your weekend like this, it means that Miss G and I got up at 4:30 AM to achieve this particular look.    Not because it’s hard to do, the problem arises as she wiggles this way and that while I try to pull all of her hair up that high on her head (she does not care for this portion of the programming at all).    Once the pony tail is on the very top of her head, it must be cemented with various gels and sprays (she cares for this portion of the programming even less).

Also?  NEEDS MORE BOW.

Then comes the makeup application which Miss G thoroughly enjoys though she must stop the process every :30 seconds or so to admire herself in all of her glory by batting her heavily mascaraed lashes and striking  a pouty pose with her shockingly red lips.    You haven’t lived if you have not been through this process I promise you.

The thing we really need to discuss here is my outfit.   Can we talk about this?   Can we? Remember when I was the person who made fun of people who looked like I did this weekend?     Hello pot….meet kettle. See, while I do love that the new gym is closer, better for my kid and seriously has the nicest coaches ever….they are very, um, spirit-y shall we say.     The old gym?    Not so much on the bling.   When Miss G saw all the Mommies dressing up for their kids it was all over for me.  To not show up looking like this?   Would in her eyes be a public blasphemy.   No Mother in her right mind, or one that truly loved her daughter, would ever even consider not wearing bling, right?

Right.

So here I am, in my shiny shiny shirt that does my so-so figure zero favors, complete with little rhinestones and also….I had a cowbell.

I know, I’m all awesome and stuff.    So how was your weekend?

Much love and much cowbell,

TSM

A Post About Justin Beiber That Isn’t Really About Justin Beiber But More About The Smith Children

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I did it.  I took my daughter and a friend to go see Never Say Never.   Now that my hearing has recovered from the SQUEEEEEE of every young girl in my hometown, I feel strong enough to share my opinions with you.   And I know that I may lose you after this next statement, but:

It was actually really good.

For those of you that are left standing, let me explain so that you can skip the major anxiety over sitting through 1:45 hours of a phenomenon that before today I really failed to understand.   Let’s be clear, I do not have the “Beiber Fever” though he is a damn cute kid.     The thing that was interesting about it from my standpoint was the way he and his team utilized Twitter to launch his career when he couldn’t get a single station to play one of his songs or a label to sign him.  I’m telling you, it was impressive and I learned a thing or two.  Okay so  maybe I like him a little more than I used to as well.   And?  It’s possible I followed him on twitter.  And it’s also possible (though I do blame the wine) that I did actually tweet him to tell him his movie was “totally awesome”.

God help me.    Or shoot me, whichever you think is most appropriate.

But like I said, it’s not really about The Bieber so much as it is about Jaden and Willow Smith.   These two?  Must be stopped.   They are invading every nook and cranny of my life and I’ve had just about enough of them.    Are they talented?  Eh, maybe.   Maybe not.   I tend to lean towards the latter and assume this new found fame and lack of ability to get away from them is due more to Will and Jada.

Let’s start with Willow and then wrap this whole mess up neatly with Jaden, okay?     So Willow is easy, three words:

Well if you count her name it’s four but whatever.  All I can say is this…have you tried to pull this move to entertain your children?  I have and let me tell you, the neck pain is just now subsiding after six months.   Also?  That song?  I played it once really loud in my house and the paint peeled off the walls.  True story.    And here I thought Radio Disney was a safe, if not slightly embarrassing,  place to hang with my kids.   Wrong.

Anyway, she’s not really the point here.   The point is I went to the movies this weekend expecting to be tortured only by Justin Bieber (which again, I wasn’t…pick yourself off the floor) only to be tortured by Jaden Smith.

How does he belong in this story you ask?   Well, apparently on top of being The Next Karate Kid he is also The Next Big Rap Star…and I can’t take it.

Oh I can say Never…and I will.   He just looks so angry.   What the hell?   Did his chauffer not show up on time?

I knew better than to torture myself with The Karate Kid.    I am a Ralph Macchio purist.    I had the common sense not to go there.   Today?   Not so much.  I had no idea I would be Smithed again.  Give me some warning and a drink and maybe, just maybe, I could get my arms around it begrudgingly.   Spring it on me with no warning and you might just get a bad reaction.    Try as I might, I had a really hard time figuring out how he worked into the story line.

Yet there I was again, with a Smith child invading a space wherein I felt relatively safe while incredibly stupid because again…Justin Bieber might just be a titch out of my demo.

So like I said, be careful where you go and what you listen to because just when you think it can’t get any worse than a Justin Bieber movie?

You might just get Smithed.

You’ve been warned.

Who Says I’m Not Romantic?

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I mean really, where is the gratitude?

Happy Valentines Day Y’all!

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Tomorrow will be my 17th wedding anniversary!

SEVENTEEN!

We lived together “in sin” as my mother would have said for almost three years before so what I’m really trying to say here is that seventeen is the new twenty around the House of Stiletto.

I get so many reactions when I tell people how long I’ve been married. Most of the people I work with are a lot younger than me and if they are married at all most of them have not been married for more than five years at the most. There is a whole lot of “Congratulations!” that goes on. And then there is always the “How did you make it this far?” question which is the one that always causes me to scratch my head and look back while wondering…

How the hell did we make it this far???

My Mom used to tell me, “Marriage is not a privilege, it’s a job.  Never forget that.” And maybe I never did.

Look at her in her wedding picture…things were so different then.  Roles were defined.  Women had their place.  She knew what her job was.   But what about now?  Where the lines are blurred, responsibilities crossed?     For her entire life, she signed every document that ever crossed her path as “Mrs. Hugh C.  Calhoun, Jr.”      Her life was defined by his life, his name.

It’s not so easy any more is it?

The truth is, it is a job.   It’s a really, really hard job but one that comes with great benefits.   It doesn’t have a paycheck per se unless you are on the cast of The Real Housewives of  Beverly Hills anyway.  It comes with long hours, scary times and a whole lot of work.

But then there is the flip side.   There are moments when your heart could burst with joy looking at your spouse.   There are the children, if you choose to have them, that fill your heart with wonder and love when you realize you created these amazing humans that would not be on this earth if there were not a “you and him”.     There are the plans for the future and most of all, at least for me, there is the knowledge that there is one person on this earth who knows every part of me.   He knows the good and the bad, and trust me, there is a good amount of badness with me, and he loves me anyway.

We’ve fought like cats and dogs, we drive each other crazy.   We cross the line with each others personal boundaries at times.  We go to the brink but then we come back again.

But still…we move forward.

We try.   And then we try harder.

If you were to ask me today how we got this far?   I’d tell you to look around your own house and realize that the person you are standing next to today, with all their faults, might just be your happily ever after even if the road has some bumps.

I guess the bottom line for me is this…I want what my parents had.   I know how lucky I am to wish for that because so many can’t.   I want my children to have the childhood I had with two parents committed to each other no matter what happened.   I understand that many would not wish their childhoods upon their children.   I know in my heart how truly blessed I was to have such an example from two people I miss so much it kills me.   I want the fairy tale they had that I was privileged to witness and I owe it to my kids to try as hard as I can to give them the same gift.

Most of all, I owe it to myself to have that fairy tale for me.   It just takes work.  And I can do that.

Here’s looking forward to our 18th honey!   I love you now, I loved you then and I always will.

xoxo

mouse

The One Where I Touch The Jo Bros…And A Few Other More Age Appropriate Celebrities

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This weekend was a big one in DFW….the weekend we hosted the Super Bowl.    Before you start yawning and deleting me from your reader for talking about my  love of all things Green Bay Packers (also known as SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!!!!), let me tell you this post is not about football.

It’s about The Jonas Brothers.

Whom I touched.

All of them.

(That just sounded wrong, didn’t it?)

Anyway, with the Super Bowl came some pretty amazing parties.    As most of you know I’m in advertising which means one thing….major major perks in the form of party passes.    Well, it means I help people sell you things you don’t really need but let’s just focus on the perks for the purpose of this post, okay?

The first party was the Marquis/Net Jets party.    I was able to take one client, in this case Lindsey who is more of a friend than a client because she’s all awesome and stuff.   (Yet another perk of the job…cool people you get to hang with and call it “work”.)

Our first celeb spotting was David Spade.    He’s so tiny!

And a good sport too.  Well, he was for the first picture anyway.   The flash didn’t go off so I demanded a do over.   That’s when he got the look he had on his face during Tommy Boy when he was talking to Chris Farley.  Trust me, keeping the references to that movie under check was not easy.

We thought we were done then but then I heard Lindsey gasp and I looked where she was looking.    Standing there was none other than Kevin Jonas who moved quickly through the crowd.    Lindsey and I chased him (yes, chased…we are all agile and stuff) through the tent until he went back outside…and into the bathroom which is when this picture happened.

Yes, I did stand outside the bathroom when I saw Nick go inside and patiently waited to get this picture.   Is that wrong?  Sue me.

Safely back inside and now unprotected by bodyguards for a minute, Kevin was again the target and Lindsey got him.

Look at how cute he is!   And Lindsey!  It’s all so age appropriate!    The Man wanted a picture too seeing as how everyone tells him he looks like he could be Kevin’s dad, so he and New Boss hopped in for a quick picture.

BTW?   New Boss is tired of being called New Boss since we’ve worked together for six months or so….he needs a new name.    I’m thinking I’ll refer to him from now on as El Hefe (the boss in Spanish) which makes him sound sort of like a dictator or crime lord but I like it so it stays.

Next up we stalked Joe.   And by stalked I mean got so close their giant security guards told us to back off, see?

But then it happened, we grabbed him!   And by grabbed I mean politely asked if we could pleasepleaseplease take a picture with him.

He was SO NICE and OMG so cute, so so cute.  We found out a few minutes later, he’s really funny too.

We had two Jonai in the bag and needed Nick to bring the Jonas trifecta home.   So?   I grabbed him.  And by grabbed, I mean I literally put my hand on his arm and dragged him over to me.     Look at how adorable he is, how much he doesn’t want to make eye contact with the crazy lady who is old enough to be his mother squeeing and hanging on his arm!

He was also amazingly kind and gracious.  (I’m going to just stop her and have a mommy moment and say that somebody raised those boys right.)    Not the best picture but the next one is the real keeper….

I got photo bombed by Joe Jonas!!!!!!!

See?  I told you he was funny.    And cute, but we covered that already.

Lindsey and I thought we were done and headed back to the hotel to get our cars.   But we weren’t done.   Standing there minding our own business we heard a familiar voice.   A very deep familiar voice…

Alec Baldwin!   More squee!!!!     The Man took this picture because he really thought that Lindsey and I would not dare to grab him.   Look at us plotting:

What The Man failed to remember was that Lindsey and I had a few drinks under our belt.  So we grabbed Alec Baldwin and made him turn around.  We have no shame.  Zero.

But my day wasn’t over (though I swear this post almost is…).    Later that night I took another client to the Maxim party.   Meet Jeff who is also totally wonderful and very easy on the eyes.     The other benefit to Jeff is that he is incredibly tall and can spot celebs by looking over the heads of everyone around him which is how we found Puck from Glee:

After grabbing Puck, and realizing he does not like to be grabbed so much, I managed to stroke his arm when I thanked him.   Ladies, he is every bit as hot and built in person as he is on the show.   I deserve props though for not rubbing his mohawk…you have no idea how much self restraint was involved in that one.

So there you have it.  A very long and bloviated post about my weekend.    Give me a break though, I rarely (never) have a weekend like this and probably won’t again before I’m 90 years old in a wheelchair.

However, now that I think about it, that will give me a unique advantage to pinch some cute butts though.

Always a silver lining!

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