When A Good Plan Backfires….Holiday Edition!

Oh hi….

I knew I said I wouldn’t be back until the beginning of the new year but I couldn’t stand it. I bought some really amazing gifts this year for people who really deserved them and I wanted to share with you! I’m especially proud of the last one for my niece. Also, pardon the darkness on this, vlogging is pretty new to me, I guess that light stuff is pretty important after all.   Also, shout out to my camera man, Mr. C, who had the giggles and couldn’t keep the camera straight.   He said if I wanted it done right, he would require union dues.   Pfft.

The great news is, everyone loved their gifts, even Aaron who received the Justin Bieber book. He was a little bit uncomfortable when I swore to him that I really, really thought all the cool kids dug the Biebs, but I let him off the hook pretty quickly.

My favorite though was Kaitlyn opening her brand new squealing, giggling baby doll…who incidentally falls on her head a lot. Check this out:

But, as luck would have it, my evil cousin outwitted, outplayed and outlasted me again this holiday season. She’s like the human version of Survivor and no jury would have voted for me handing out most annoying Christmas gift after seeing this:

She also got Miss G a shirt that makes all sorts of fun noises like babies crying, sirens, horns honking and more…and it also makes them really loud as well.

Obviously, I need to step up my game next year. Until then, I’ll be soundproofing my office and bedroom and wearing protective head phones for the next 360 something days.

Touche’ my dear cousin….touche’.

Happy New Year, y’all!

TSM

For The Love Of Christmas….

I’ll bet you are expecting some sweet rambling post about the joys of the season, right?    Do you people even know me???

What I really want to know is…Who are these idiots out shopping on December 23rd and why aren’t they ready for Christmas yet????

Oh wait.   I’m that idiot.  I’m the one running around like a chicken with my head cut off while trying to wrap up the year at work.

I was going to do better, I swear I was, but we had family in town all this week.    Normally that wouldn’t slow me down as MIL and SFIL (Step FIL) are pretty laid back and understand that I have zero capacity to pull off things in my personal life on time and in an organized fashion.

However.   First The Man got sick.  Then in the true spirit of holiday sharing, he gave it to me times two and I am a hot mess of snot and puffy eyes which was confirmed to me in spades today when the clerks at the store used tongs to hand me receipts to sign whilst looking for any type of surgical mask they could put over their face so as not to inhale the evil germs swarming around me.

Good news is, I have high hopes for tomorrow that I will get everything wrapped.   I will make the perfect brownies to take to my best friends house for our annual Christmas Eve get together and I will do all the food prep for Christmas Day when FIL and SMIL (Step MIL) come over to celebrate with us.

Or maybe not.

And you know what?  If it’s not perfect, I don’t really care this year.  It doesn’t need to be perfect.  It just needs to be happy.

Maybe I learned something this year after all.

In the spirit of lessons learned, I’m on vacation through the end of the year from work.   I think I’ll take a vacation here too and not worry about posts but instead play with my kids, watch cheesy movies and catch up with friends.

I hope all of you have a joyous Christmas spent with people you love and cherish and that 2011 is a better year for all of us!

See you next year!

Many Holiday Hugs,

TSM

Have A Very Bieber Christmas Y’all!

bieber 1

I know, you are scratching your head right now.  Why would a woman of my age wish such a thing upon you?    There is a reason y’all….it’s because I couldn’t get away from him the other day and I am convinced it is part of a sub-plot for tween/teen stars to take over the earth.  And we?   Must make it stop.

It all started innocently enough.   I was a the store last weekend for an early morning Christmas run.  Had a list of toys, had a handful of coupons….I was game on for Christmas people.     I was hyper-focused on my mission.     I would get the last of the much demanded toys my children politely asked for told me they could not live without quietly loudly and all while saying pretty please with sugar on top right effing now.    Well maybe they didn’t say it quite that way, but the intent was there.   Or maybe not.   I tend to get a little sensitive during the holidays.

Anyway.

There I was searching for toys when it happened.

I was “Bieberized”.     Witness:

A real life Justin Bieber action figure.   What does he do?    Does he fling his hair about?   Is there a button there that makes the sound equivalent to a jet engine on the runway also known as the sound teen girls make in his presence?    Does he come with protective headphones?    As I pondered these many questions, I continued to look at the display which only caused more confusion.

I must have this.  The Justin Bieber, “Always Be Mine” board game.    I assume it’s much like Trivial Pursuit which I always lose but maybe I could win this one sine he’s only 16 years old.   But then again, if I win, do I have to take him as a prize?   If so, I’m going to have to say I’ll pass.    I don’t need any competition for fame in this house.     (Also, the game must come with a button that you push for a laugh track because that last line was clearly delusional.   Did I mention I stayed up until 3 am last night hosting a casino party?   I’m just throwing that out as a disclaimer here because I clearly cannot be held accountable for my claims in this blog post.)

Then I came across this one:

You know,  I’m no art aficionado but I do like me some Andy Warhol.     My favorites are his Tomato Soup and Marilyn Monroe images…in no particular order.   Also, the Tomato Soup does not help me in my quest to have her body.    (Refer to above statement that I stayed up until 3am this morning for reasoning on this statement…)    But.   But. I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say that I’m pretty sure, though I didn’t know Andy personally, The Biebs might not have been his choice of subject matter.  Or maybe he would now that I realize one of his masterpieces is a can of Tomato Soup.   But then again, when is the last time you could get a Warhol for $6.99?    I pondered if this might be a deal in the making.

At this point, I knew I had to make my escape.     Wanting to get my daughter a new fluffy robe for Christmas, I made my way to the girls department.    And?    This again:


Oh look.  A brooding teen.   And also, one whose legs bleed directly onto the legs of your sleeping daughter.   How sweet and just what I was hoping for approximately 5 or 6 years before I suspected I might have to deal with that particular problem.  (Also?   I just scared the shit out of myself with that last statement….)

I finally realized I was being Bieber-brainwashed and made my escape.    Good news (or bad news) is that I managed to do several hundred dollars worth of damage and brought Christmas in under budget before leaving…huzzah!

So the moral to this story is be careful out there with your last minute Christmas shopping people.   There is an evil teen Canadian plotting to take over your daughters and your holiday.   Gotta admit though, he’s pretty darn cute.   (Again, 3am?  Hello, you’ve ruined my blog forever…)

Now it’s your turn….tell me what you’ve found shopping this year that made you crazy…Canadian or not.

And for the record, I do love me some Canadians!    Just maybe not this one so much.

Happy Birthday Mr. C!

Mr. C at 12

Dear Mr. C;

I can’t believe you are twelve today!

What I can’t believe the most is that I’m not there to celebrate it with you.   It breaks my heart to be away from you on this day, the day that changed my life forever.

You were not an easy child to bring into this life.   You took your sweet time being born.  I like to think it was that you felt safe being in my tummy as you were and maybe you just didn’t want to leave.

You haven’t left my side since.

I’ve watched you grow from the day you were born.  I’ve loved you and supported you and kissed on you…but you know what?   You’ve done the same thing for me.  If I’m down, you are the first one to step in with a hug and the words “I love you”.     You are my rock, as I am yours, and I don’t know what I would do without you.

You are such an outstanding little man.  So open to new challenges, so willing to go out on a limb, so determined, so focused, so amazing.

I look at you and I see great things.   I see love, I see compasion, I see hope for the future….

But most of all I see you and I see all the possibilities in front of you.  Embrace them, take on the challenges and just GO FOR IT.     Because that, my sweet boy?  Is what life is all about!

I love you more than I could ever tell you…and I am so proud of you my heart could burst with pride.

You are the best.

You are amazing.

You are mine.

And Oh My God, I love you so much,

xoxo and lots of silly faces on iPhone,

Mom

Wrong, Just Wrong

underwear 1

There has been a lot of frantic shopping going on in the House of Stiletto this past week.    After my sudden realization that Christmas is only 12 days away and the secondary realization that I am not at all prepared, I began a mad dash to at least get a jump start on what will surely go down as the most poorly planned Christmas in the history of ever.

Gifts?  No, we didn’t have those yet?   Cards?   Not happening this year, maybe for New Years but even that is a stretch.   But most importantly for Miss G, the matching PJ’s had yet to be secured.   In years past, we’ve been that dorky family that selects a theme and we all dress alike.    This year, Mr. C has decided to buck the trend and wear whatever makes him happy so it’s left to the rest of us to dress up to entertain her with PJ’s we don’t need.

In case you were wondering, this year’s theme is Sock Monkeys.   You’re welcome, I know the anticipation of the announcement was killing you.

So I found Sock Monkey PJ’s for Miss G, and I found matching Sock Monkey PJ’s for me and was off in search of Sock Monkey PJ’s for The Man (which sounds all kinds of wrong but I’m just reporting the facts here folks).    Needless to say, they don’t make Sock Monkey PJ’s for grown men nor should they.   More than one person looked at me like I was crazy for asking too.

In my search I did uncover something they do make for men that they just should not….behold the big boy version of the underwear Mr. C preferred when he was three:

Yep, you are seeing that right….Batman underpants….for grown men….also:

Spidey pants!!!   They also had Iron Man (heh), The Green Hornet (heh heh) and a few other choice characters.    Once I was able to close my mouth and realized that I must document this fashion faux pas post haste I whipped out my iPhone and began snapping away.

The second woman who I had asked about Sock Monkey PJ’s was still standing there, still thinking I was insane…or possibly sick.

I may or may not be on the “most watched” list at this particular store now.   So much for finishing my Christmas shopping.    ::sigh::

There may not be as many gifts as I’d like under the tree this year, but at least somewhere in Texas, one grown woman and her cartoon character of a daughter will be frolicking around dressed as Sock Monkey’s.

At least I have that to fall back on.

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