Pants On The Ground

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There is an alarming trend developing in this house and I don’t like it one little bit.

Pants. On the ground. Never in a hamper. Every day I find them so I’ve decided to do the only thing I can…publicly embarass my family by posting pictures of it.

It started with my son. We’ve been dealing with this for a while so I decided to document Monday and Tuesday of this week.

Just ignore the filthy floor and focus on the pants.

But he’s no slacker…on Tuesday he doubled his efforts:

See that?  TWO pairs of boxers.   That Mr. C, he’s an achiever!   Also, floor is still filthy.  ::sigh::

Not to be outdone, Miss G got into the action:

Here you see one shirt, one skirt, one pair of panties and something that looks like a mask from Scream.


But then there was Tuesday:

One ruffly skirt, one pair of nondescript tighty whities.   She’s taking her game down.  SLACKER.

But I have to wonder…where does this behavior come from?  It’s not me, I only make a mess in my own closet.       Surely someone is to blame…..

My oh my…what have we here?  One pair of shorts, two socks, a shirt…and a sweat shirt all belonging to The Man.        No boxers there you’ll notice.  No, I’ll find those next to the shower in the morning, next to the  warm ups he wore that morning.

What’s the purpose of this photo essay you ask?    Well there isn’t one really.  I’m just hoping some of you will feel sorry for me or tell me your own tales of woe in your household.

But, it could backfire….it’s possible he could post pictures of my closet soon.   I may beat him to the punch on Friday…stay tuned!

Football Fashion Abuse

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Sundays around here mean two things:   Football and a husband that more than likely will not be moving off the couch for at least 10 hours.   I like football, but more than anything, I like the weather that comes with it.   After weeks of 95+ temps, all of a sudden today Fall showed up in a big way with highs in the low 70′s and a chance to bust out a long sleeve tee which to me makes it worth of national holiday status because I look a whole lot better in Fall clothes. That’s what it’s all about, right?

So like I said, I do like football.   I have two favorite teams, The Green Bay Packers and The Dallas Cowboys.  It’s usually not an issue unless they play eachother.    When that happens, I look like this:

But today, I looked like this:

Which, while not my best look, was at least acceptable.

I had to go pick up Mr. C from a sleepover at his best friend’s house.   His best friend’s Mom, Traci, happens to also be one of my best friends and we have raised those boys together since the day they were born.   We’ve been joined at the hip for the better part of 13 years and I know her family almost as well as my own.

I walked in, gave Traci a hug, and she looks at me and says, “What’s with the shirt?”.   I was all, “What do you mean?” and she proceeds to tell me how this is out of character for me and I should be wearing a Green Bay shirt.    She asked if I’d worn this shirt often and if perhaps I was the reason for the pathetic season they have had so far.    So I did what I always do, rolled my eyes, ignored her and walked into the house like I owned it.

Then I saw Aaron, her wonderful 15 year old.   Aaron doesn’t talk as much as he used to but he still loves me and I adore it when he feels like talking.   Hoping today was one of those days when he looked at me and smiled, I knew I was wrong when he took one look at me and said, “What’s with the shirt Aunt Stiletto?”.   Pfft.  I don’t need this kind of grief from a teenager, do I?

Michael walked in about then.   He’s the nicest guy you’ll ever meet.   He’s always happy to see everyone and never has an unkind word to say.     He walked in and said, “Hey!!!” in his usual “I’m so happy to see you!!!” voice.   And then?  “What’s with the shirt, Stiletto?”


Finally, Brad, who is married to their cousin Jennifer…and who I don’t even know that well though he seems like a totally lovely person, came to my rescue and said, “It’s not like she’s wearing an Eagles shirt or something….I don’t see a problem with it.”


(Authors note:  If you are reading this in a reader you might want to click over to my site because I am a total moron and accidentally hit publish instead of preview and I know you are just hanging on every word, right?   Also, ::snicker:: I said “author”.   Insert laugh track here…)

So anyway, I took some serious harassment over my shirt, but I’ll tell you this, The Cowboys FINALLY won today so maybe it’s a good luck charm in addition to be a totally cute tee that makes my boobs look fantastic. (What? It does…they are real and they are fabulous!)

Fashion and function people, it’s what it’s all about.

The Post In Which I Wax Poetic About Teachers

junkyard wonders

Snarky, that’s me, right?    Maybe not so much tonight….

I’m having a “moment” right now, they happen often but I don’t usually share them on my blog.   You all know how much I love my kids and you also know (if you’ve read me for any amount of time) that I cry at everything.   And I’m okay with that, it’s sort of like my badge of honor, you know?

Here’s the thing, and I’ve never talked about it before, Miss G has some trouble at school.    She tries so very hard but it’s just not coming as easily to her as it has to Mr. C, her father and me.     We didn’t have to work so hard at school.   The Man and Mr. C are straight A type people.  I could have been, had it not been for the interruption my vast social life created.   I discovered very late in life that knowledge comes easily to me if I just take time to listen and let it in.

Miss G is  a smart girl, she just has trouble focusing on things…and we are working on that.    The thing is, I’ve known for years she was struggling.    She wants to perform, she wants to please us and her teachers…she just can’t focus long enough to let things sink in and therein lies the problem.   I’ve made a few waves at school but for the most part it fell on deaf ears.   She’s had some great teachers (and for the record, I think all teachers have a degree of greatness for being able to do what they do…that I could not do for half a day without losing my mind) but for the past few years, maybe she just didn’t have the right fit.   I adored her kindergarten teacher, still do.    The wonderful teacher who comes to our house each week to encourage her and helps her with her lessons is nothing short of a saint.   And then of course, there is Miss D who has been her babysitter since she was born and is also a teacher.   She is a part of our family now.    All of these women have shaped her, encouraged her, tried to show her she can and will do anything she sets her mind to.

And then there is her teacher this year, Miss R.

I love that woman.

She is the first person to look at my daughter and say that yes, she’s a little behind but she’s going to fight like hell to get her to where she needs to be.   She works every day to build up little G’s spirit, all the while not coddling her.   And then she works some more.  At home.  Reading books and sharing those that she thinks might help my daughter to see that she is amazing and will do great things in life.

Today she handed me a book in the cafeteria while I was there for lunch.  She told me it was by her favorite childrens author and that it made her cry when she read it.   She started to choke up a little, and then I choked up because I have a rule, “You will never cry alone if I’m standing there with you…”.    She gave me the book and told me to read it to Miss G when she got home.    This is the book:

Let me tell you, it made me look at teachers with a lot more awe than I already did and especially at Miss G’s teacher.   It’s all about a teacher seeing the potential in every single child in her class and helping them to realize their dreams, no matter what their challenges are.    I am not ashamed to tell you, I cried like a baby at certain parts….and Miss G had to get me a tissue to dry my tears.

I won’t give the plot away in case you choose to read this to your children.   I will tell you that the end was a tribute to the real life teacher that shaped the author’s life and a description of all the amazing careers the children in her class went on to acheive….and believe me, it’s an impressive list.   It made me think that someday, when my little G finds her path in life and her confidence, she might just look back on her third grade teacher and thank her for the lessons outside of textbooks that she taught.    At least I hope she will…and if she doesn’t remember, I certainly will.

We all have stories about a teacher that shaped our lives.    For me, it’s my algebra teacher from high school who looked at me one day and said, “You may fool everyone else with this act but you don’t fool me.  You are smart, and I know what you are going to do with your life, you’re just not smart enough to see it yet.”

So now it’s your turn, tell me about a teacher that helped you or your child.   Someone that shaped your life.   If nothing else, it’s a great exercise in looking back at who you were and who you became because someone cared enough about you!

Breaking In The New Boss

Not sure if I told you this but New Boss quit a few months ago…which makes him Old Boss…and now I have another New Boss, which I guess makes him “Newer Boss” which in turn makes the entire thing too confusing to grapple with so let’s just stick with calling him New Boss until the shine wears off.

Still with me?    Bravo….I almost lost myself on that one.

Anywho, when Old Boss quit after that unfortunate shoe incident where he earned my undying love I was pretty upset.  But then New Boss showed up and he is  fantabulous.    Personable, smart and thank God he has a sense of humor.   Admittedly, I was skeptical at first.   I mean, how could he be as cool as Old Boss?   How could we have that same type of relationship where I feel like I can say anything and not risk having an HR intervention?   How do you break the ice?

Two words:   Enema and Douche.

Confused?  Stay with me…I promise this is going somewhere.

Last week when New Boss was in town on calls with me for the very first time, I received two requests for advertising  proposals.   One for  an all natural enema and one for feminine cleansing products.     Honestly, not a big deal right?   Ordinarily, no…it would not be.  I’m an adult (sometimes) and these are products the American public needs every once  in a while .

Except….the request for the enema product called for us to target the gay community when they were searching for information regarding intimacy.    And I’m totally fine with that, you know? Except when I have to explain it to a superior.

So New Boss is all, so what?  You just look for people seeking health content, right?   And I sort of squirmed around a little bit and then said, “Well, yes but it goes a bit further than that if you will.”    And New Boss is still looking at me not unlike Old Boss when I had to explain the difference between Shoes and Choos…and I am dying a million tiny deaths because this is a little stickier of a situation to explain, if you get my drift.   So finally I bust out with, “It’s sort of…you know….to clean the pipes before you get the party started?”

And then I died.

Thankfully, he was totally on board with my whole “Gay is Okay” agenda and not only rolled with it, he even got a laugh out of my email to my client in which I stated, “Our proposal clears out the waste and zeros in on the Sweet Spot!”

Advertising can be fun some days.

Just as I was getting over that little chuckle, the next request came through, this time for feminine cleansing products….or as we call it, douche.

There is funny and then there is overkill.

So now at work, I am known as the girl who helps the gay American public clean out the pipes and the women of this country avoid the stank.

What can I say?  My job is awesome.   And I can happily tell you that no HR intervention was required this week.

We shall see what this next week brings….

Someone’s Having A Birthday…

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…and no, it’s not me, that was several weeks ago and besides that, I stopped counting somewhere in my thirties.

Today is the day my favorite cartoon character was born.    Garfeild?  No.   Mickey Mouse?   Nope.   One of the Pokemon characters?   Good Lord, I’m sick of them and if it was their birthday I certainly would not be celebrating it.

No, today is the day Miss G made her first appearance in this world.    What?  You say she’s a human girl and not of the animated species?    I tell you to look at these pictures and tell me I’m wrong…

Somebunny loves me…

Fashion.  It’s an attitude!

Artiste at work….just remember, I warned you about tattoos  at such an early age.

You are SUCH a good friend!

You can be a discerning food critic….not that I blame you after that meal…

…and sometimes you put on an act that NO ONE is buying…

But above all, my sweet girl, you are the light of my life and your smile can light up an entire city!

Happy, Happy Birthday,  Miss G!     Your Dad and I look forward to many, many more years of your antics and silly faces.    You make us laugh and smile every day….you are our sunshine!

We love you!

PS:  So does your brother, even if he’s too cool to say it right now.

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