The One Where I Age A Few Years In A Coffee Shop

I’m at a coffee shop  right now, which is sort of a rare occasion for me.   I like going to coffee shops okay. I like coffee okay.  I just  don’t make coffee a  religion or anything which is why sometimes coffee shops and I are not a good match.    Regardless of how much time I do or do not spend in them, coffee shops are a great place to have a quick meeting which is how I found myself here today.

I got here a little early and thought it was a lovely day for a nice cold drink.    It’s way hot outside and something nice and cold sounded like just the trick to finish off my day rather than something steaming like the inside of my car would be when I returned to it.

I didn’t know it would take the remainder of my day to order the thing.

Sadly for me, as is usually the case, I pick the wrong line to stand in. This happens virtually everywhere I go as if I am somehow magnetically drawn to the slowest person in the room’s back. There’s someone at the department store who wants to make a very complicated return? I’m behind her. That lady at the grocery store who insists that her coupons should be doubled and then waits for members of the management team to arrive after she has exhausted her case with the 17 year old cashier? That wold be me standing behind her rolling my eyes and tapping my foot.

So it wasn’t with a great amount of surprise that I found myself behind the most coffee curious man in all of America today at said coffee shop. There was a new product being rolled out….some iced concoction that they could custom make with flavors. Best of all, they were offering free samples. Which…fine….whatever. However, this guy, upon receiving his sample began to ask just slightly under 2,472 questions about this tasty beverage. Curious? Here’s a sampling for you:

• What is the origin of the bean used in this?
• What length of time do you roast them?
• How many calories are in a large?
• A medium?
• A small?
• What flavorings can you put in it?
• Could you repeat flavors 2-7 again?
• Do you recommend one flavor over the other?
• May I offer a suggestion on a flavor you forgot?
• What is your personal favorite?
• Do people often order with no flavor at all?
• How many calories does the flavoring add?
• Did you ever consider blending it?

And so help me God, he then proceeded to tell him it reminded him of a drink he had on vacation….which of course prompted a quick discussion on the vacation itself.    Now grouchy and with pinchy feet, I started making some “ahem” type noises which made no difference whatsoever.

It did however catch the attention of someone else behind the counter who had also been watching the entire conversation slack jawed because honestly, who knew one man could have so many questions about coffee?

I’m happy to report he finally exhausted himself and the guy behind the register seems to have recovered from slamming his head into the counter repeatedly.

And I?  Have my nice tasty drink and am on my way…