And Now A Break From Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Taking some time off. I need it, my family needs it, and probably you need it from reading my drivel.

So….I’m calling it a holiday until somewhere close to or after July 4th. I need to pay attention to my family, my life, my everything. Work is crazy which is a great thing, my family is in full swing summer mode which is even better.

I just need to…enjoy it a bit. And not create more work for myself. When I come back I will have tales from Summer Camp for the kids, a possible get away for me and The Man, and who knows what else. I’m just going to sit and observe for a while in the hopes of catching something interesting. In the meantime, I’ll be spending much needed time catching up on all of you which I have sucked spectacularly at and possibly drinking some wine poolside.

See you on the flip side!

Right Said Fred

05_Flatbed_1 - MAY

Meet  Debrahlee Lorenzana.

You may or may not have heard of her this week depending on how far under a rock you have your head stuck or to be truthful, how lucky you have been.   If you have missed her various talk show appearances and endless coverage in every major and minor news source on the web, here’s the rub.    Debrahlee claims she got fired from Citibank for being “too hot”.   When I heard the news, I could only think of one thing.

“Dude.  That happens to me ALL. THE.TIME.”

Personally, I think she got fired not so much for her stunning beauty that would cause men to walk blocks, nay, miles out of their way to come see  her but more for her total lack of ego.     She is such a demure, well spoken young woman.     Allow me to share some of her more salient thoughts.

According to Debrahlee, her bosses told her that “as a result of the shape of her figure, such clothes were purportedly ‘too distracting’ for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear.”     Too much for them to bear?  Did they faint?   Did they  howl publicly whilst beating their chests?   I’m going to need more details on this and also, a chance to witness it in person with popcorn in hand.

Further, she’d like us to know, “I can’t help it that I have curves.   And I’m not going to go eat and gain 50 or 100 pounds because my job wants me to be the same size as everyone else.”     Thank God, us fatties of average weight don’t need more competition in the workplace.

Lastly, she states,  “I get harassed in the supermarket with my son just wearing sweatpants with my hair in a ponytail,” she said. “I can’t help how I look.”      Seriously Debrahlee?   Me too, girlfriend!    I think we should all join together and sue the hell out of the bag boys.    Or…we could make all the management at Citibank take the bag boy jobs so we know what to expect at the grocery store.   Added bonus:   This move would be better for the economy.

But I digress.

Not to be outdone, her creepy lawyer has his own thoughts on what might have been running through Citibanks  master minds of management.   One thought?   “”It was about her being too good looking for us to bother to contain ourselves. So that’s shirt’s gotta go,”  and this gem, “Why should we have to deal with what a babe you are? Fix it.”    I have made note of his name and plan to retain him the very next time my hotness causes me to be terminated from my job.

Seriously, it could happen any day.    Take today for example.   It typical for me on a day when I have no calls.   Hair in a ponytail, makeup not in place until well after 3:00 and I was wearing what could only be described as a gray frock because in no way could this shapeless mess I’m wearing pass for a dress.     Since I did notice my office mate the pug looking at me rather appreciatevly at one point I decided not to push my luck  and skipped going to the grocery store at all today for fear of “a situation”.   I’m all smart like that.

This thing bothers me on so many levels:

  • First of all, if she was harassed, bully for her for suing.   But please, make it a little more believable by not waiting almost an entire year to file the suit.    Also, posing provocatively in The Village Voice may not help the court of public opinion find favor with you on this one.
  • Secondly, and while still considering the possibility that she is telling the truth, who are these guys who “can’t bear” to be around her and do we really want them managing any more money than that which might be contained in our children’s piggy banks?
  • Third, that lawyer?    Has just got to go.    If I hear him call her “hot’ or “a babe” one more time while  sweating profusely from his face, I think I may barf.

I have to go now, I have nachos and bon bons to eat if I am to stay current with all the other women in the workforce.   In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this, enjoy!

I Could Have Thought Of A Better Way To End The School Year, But Whatever

After his big graduation, Mr. C was looking foward to two things.   First of all the big fifth grade skate party and secondly the last day of school where they don’t have to learn a darn thing and watch movies like, “Tuck Everlasting” all day.   Also, this is the most magical day of the year because rules do not have the ability to apply so I’m assuming the general plan was to behave like hyenas all day.    I can’t say I’d play it any differently.

However.

Today was the much anticipated skate party.    There are two things that don’t mix.   Kids on in-line skates and the lights being turned out.    How do I know this you ask?   Well, other than common sense, I’d tell you that as my son was playing chase with some friends at the roller rink on his in-line skates they pulled that super cool move where they turn the lights out.    Apparently, this can lead to a fairly major face plant, and later, if you are really lucky, a visit to the emergency room.

At first it was just a headache, but then he started throwing up at which point I texted one of my girlfriends who happens to be a doctor and told her the situation.   Within seconds she texted back., Go to Children’s Hospital, do not pass go, do not collect $200 or any designer shoes…” came back across my phone.    And off we went.

After a scary CAT scan, we learned a few things.   First, he does have a brain.   Secondly, and most importantly, that brain was neither bleeding nor swelling.   Which leads me to now….10:00 at night, bleary eyed, watching the umpteenth version of some Disney Channel show where a smart aleck kid knows more than his/her parents and patting his little bumped up head waiting to see if they will let us go home.

So here we are, glad that everything is okay, but ready for summer to start.

Talk to me in a week when I’m trying to work and both of them are driving m crazy though.     I might feel differently about this whole summer thing.

Pfft.

Update: It is now  close to midnight and we have made it home.   I did realize one thing while I was sitting there.   This  entire thing is my fault.  Why, you ask?   Because no less than a week ago I could be heard bragging we made it all the way through elementary school with not a single trip to the emergency room with him.   Just goes to show you…the little people always get the last laugh.

The Graduate

The Graduate_picnik

Tonight was rough.    It was a night I’ve been dreading for six years.  Yet here it is….

Elementary School Graduation.

Stop laughing.    If you’ve read me for any amount of time, you know by now I cry at everything.   EVERYTHING. And especially anything that applies to my kids.   That whole “bitch on heels” thing you see up there?  Total lies I tell you.   (Just promise you won’t tell anyone else and blow my cover, m’kay?   Our little secret, pinky swear?  Thanks!)

Tonight was the night my little man, the one and only Mr. C, made the transition from sweet elementary school baby who loves me no matter what to middle school I don’t know what to expect young man.   I’m hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst and just sticking my head in the sand for what’s to come.

However, tonight?  Was filled with pride.    The little guy graduated with exemplary status including a stellar GPA, service on Student Council, Safety Patrol and Choir along with participation in Spelling  Bee.   I was so proud.

Maybe too proud.

But look at him, can you blame me?

I was so proud of him when he walked across the stage.  So proud in fact, that I yelled at the top of my lungs, “Whoo Hoo!!!!!   MR C!!!!!!!!” I noticed a few startled parents but never you mind, I was proud.    A few minutes later, I asked The Man if my reaction may have been perhaps just a titch over the top.

Shouldn’t have asked that question.

The Man immediately gave me the side eye and said, “Well, yes.  And honestly I’m shocked the ceiling tiles are still in place.”

Wait just a minute…me?  Loud?

Oh what the hell, yes I am.  I’m loud and I’m proud.   And if those ceiling tiles are still in place in the school cafeteria?  Obviously, I did not do my job well enough….

So you go forth into Junior High, Mr. C.  Bring on your mayhem and your greatness.    Because whatever it is, I’m ready for it buddy.

And I’ll be there screaming on the sidelines for you.   And so will your Dad.

Just maybe not as loud.

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