The Kitchen Pass List

A few days ago, The Man and I went to go see Shutter Island. I’d like to tell you it was because I was genuinely interested in the plot but really it was because I read somewhere that one of my fantasy boyfriends on the kitchen pass list, Leonardo DiCaprio was in EVERY SINGLE SCENE. 218 minutes of Leo sounded like bliss to me.

Boy was I wrong. Take it from me, if you must see this movie, make it a Blockbuster night and fortify yourself with copious amounts of wine….you’re gonna need it.

Wait, where was I?

Oh yes, the kitchen pass list. The list that The Man would turn a blind eye on in the unlikely event I was ever to bump into one of these beautiful men, have him fall madly in love with me for no more than a few nights and sweep me off my feet into his private jet to take in the Opera in San Francisco, all the while decorating my neck with Harry Winston jewels and allowing me to shop on his credit card on Rodeo Drive. (You say run on sentence? I say clear and concise summation of entire Pretty Woman plot line. Pfft.)

Anyway. Let’s take it from the bottom up (heh heh) shall we?

Number Five: Bradley Cooper.

Admittedly his stock was much higher right after The Hangover came out but then he started dating Renee Zellweger (Sorry people, I’m just not seeing it…). He remains on the list though because I can totally picture myself riding in a convertible with him, leaning over to slowly pull of his aviator glasses and gazing into his blue eyes as he….. Wait. This is not that kind of blog.

Number Four:   Leonardo DeCaprio

Leo used to occupy the number two position but had to be punished for the above referenced 218 minutes of my life that I will never get back.   Those blue eyes, that curly hair…I can tell you with absolute certainty I would go down with him.   People, I’m talking about on The Titanic.   Get your minds out of the gutter.   Geez.

Number Three: Robert Pattinson

The only thing keeping this teenage vampire from being number one on my kitchen pass list is the fact that when he is not in “Edward” mode, he really looks like he needs a good scrubbing in the bathtub.   Wait….I just had an idea.

Number Two:   Hugh Grant

This is a tricky one. Not only because my adorable Scottish friend Ally from The Reluctant Subrubanite is real life friends with him, but also because it’s possible that I might have been “over served” at the Ritz Carlton Reynold’s Plantation  outside Atlanta while in a rather small bar area with him. It’s also entirely possible that I might have, maybe loudly , slurred something rather insulting at him. Possibly. Or not. Still, he has great hair and blue eyes and that accent?   OH. YES.

Number One:  Harry Connick, Jr.

Not only does he have the requisite wavy, thick hair and blue eyes, I already have photographic proof that he is my new boyfriend.   I mean sure, I stood there for about one minute but still…Kismet I tell you.   Nevermind that security had to drag me off and he is actually married to a Victoria’s Secret supermodel.   Details, details.    The main thing is that I get to use this picture as many times as possible in my blog.   Because I can.

So tell me dear readers, who is on your kitchen pass list?   I want juicy details and reminders of anyone I’ve left out.

I’m counting on you for some good comment reading so bring it on!