One of the least enjoyable things about starting a new job is the paperwork. Mountains and mountains of paperwork. Do you want insurance? If so, how much? Would you like to participate in the 401K? Tell us know how much to zap your check each pay period.
Oh…and the best…are you REALLY a US Citizen? If you are, be sure to prove it by showing us your drivers license and social security card. Great, can do….except….I haven’t seen my social security card in quite a while. Also, it still has my maiden name (because I’ve been too busy for 16 years to change it, that’s why) and my signature from when I was 13, complete with a daisy on the end for effect. Tell me that combined with the artwork I’ve already shared with them wouldn’t be over the top impressive….go on…..
Luckily for me, they also accepted a certified copy of my birth certificate to prove citizenship. I work in a remote office, so there is no one to show the actual document to, I just have to get the form notarized by someone who has seen it.
Easy enough.
So off I went to my local bank where Ian, a Jeff Spicoli like bank employee, offered to help me. (Trust me when I tell you that you need to read the part of Ian with your best Fast Times at Ridgemont High accent…because that is what he sounded like.)
Ian: May I help you m’aam?
TSM: Yes, I need to get my I-9 form notarized.
Ian: Can do m’aam, step right in!
TSM: So, here is my drivers license, and here is my birth certificate.
Ian: WHOA!!!!!!!
TSM: That certainly isn’t the reaction I was expecting…
Ian: Doooode, what is all that black stuff?
TSM: Well Ian, back in the day we had something called mimeographs before copy machines were made. We used to power them with dinosaur poop.
Ian: Not really.
TSM: No, Ian, not really.
Ian: That’s so funny you said that because the other day? We had to print out some blank money orders? Bcause the machine we usually use to make them broke? Someone brought out a typewriter and none of us knew how to use it so we had to ask this old lady to help us.
TSM: Old?
Ian: I mean, like she was WAY over forty.
TSM: You didn’t look very closely at that birth certificate did you Ian?
Ian: ::looks at birth certificate:: ::blinks rapidly:: ::blushes::
Ian: Oh, sorry about that m’aam.
I’ll leave you with this thought dear readers, young Ian here is actually employed by the bank to help people manage their money. You think the financial crisis is bad now?
Just wait a few years.
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