Mmmm…..Mmmm hmmm

There are several groups of people that bother me.    In order of bothersomeness:   Toothsuckers, Close Talkers, Name Droppers and most importantly Mmm Hmmers.

What is a Mmm Hmmer you ask?  It’s one of those people in movies that at a moment where the theater is silent offers her agreement with the movie plot by murmuring “Mmm Hmm”.    It’s the person who talks back to the TV as if the person can hear her when the question is asked, “Do you know what I mean?”   “Mmmm Hmmm”

You get where I’m going with this.    These people make me not only jumpy but stabby and angry.   So it was with great disdain I found myself sitting next to such a person the other night when I had the fantastic opportunity to go hear the creator of my favorite show, Mad Men, speak about his creative process, the thought behind the characters and most importantly where he gets his ideas.   He was fascinating.

She?  Almost landed me with a stint in prison.

Matthew Weiner spoke for over an hour and half.   I have to tell you, he is one of the most engaging speakers I’ve ever heard.     He was funny, genuine and seemed like a guy who probably wouldn’t call security or tase you if you were to profess your undying love for him in a public forum and possibly offer to sell your soul to the devil to spend one day on the set to sit  in on the writing sessions.

Or maybe getting to play dress up in Betty Draper’s clothes.

Or possibly the chance to give one tiny kiss to Don.

Or maybe play his mistress.

In a semi nude scene.

Yesssssss……..

Wait.  Where was I?

Oh yes, the story.  Don’t worry, I didn’t make it to the mic.      But instead of absorbing it all, this is what I heard.

MW:    “Bobby Barrett, one of Don Draper’s earliest mistresses character came from a conversation I had with a woman on a plane who said to me…”

Her:   “Hmmm”

MW:   “The scene where Betty Draper goes out and starts shooting pidgeons came from a story a writing assistant shared with me from her own youth.    She was the daughter of a single mother who…”

Her:  “Huh. Mmmm  Hmmm…”

MW:   “We got the idea to do the Kodak Carousel scene because someone once told me that nostalgia is when your heart hurts remembering a time that you were loved that you wish you could revisit.   The actual shoot for the pictures was difficult because we had to demand imperfection from professional photographers to make it actually perfect for the show and…”

Her:   “MMMMM.    MMMMM HMMMMM.”

At first I was willing to put up with it.   She’s a fan too, right?    But after an hour of this, I started flinching every time she started to even approach the letter M.   I began clinging to my friend April sitting next to me.   I noticed my friend Renee was starting to give me the side eye.   Wait.  Did she think I was the one doing this? And my friend James?   Well he was too immersed in the entire speech to hear any of it and thankfully far enough removed.   Lucky man.

So I clung to poor April and we both started laughing. But April…she can’t leave well enough alone. She looks over and notices the other thing I’ve been horrified about the entire time but dare not speak of for fear of losing my shit entirely. This woman, this annoying annoying woman, is sitting there with her legs wide open. In a dress. No leggings, no hose, bare legs…splayed open.

“Honey, this is not a gynocological visit…” she said at which point I gave up and pretty much just collapsed on her shoulder laughing myself to tears.

So much for listening to my idol.

But we aren’t done yet. After I recovered from the fit of giggles and continued to grab April every time another Mmmm Hmmm came out, Matthew Weiner said something really funny and the girl next to me with her legs spread wide open?

She laughed too…and then?

She farted.

THE END.