Over the break, I did something I rarely do. I cleaned out one (of four) of my email inboxes. To put this in perspective, and also to fully demonstrate to you what an email hoarder I am, these are the counts in my inboxes in order:
- Yahoo: 10,000+
- Work: 7,533
- Gmail (blog): 1,499
- Gmail (personal): 7
So needless to tell you, I settled on cleaning out the personal Gmail account because the others just scare the hell out of me. However, in digging through my Yahoo account, I did find this little gem which I think might have been the start of my blogging career. It’s a rant that I sent off to a customer service department after a routine rug cleaning went horribly wrong. I won’t say the company name but many of you may recognize them from this spokesmodel picture which honestly should have been my first clue that this would not go well.
August, 2006
Dear Person(s) who do(es) not answer phones:
I am writing to you because I cannot get a single member of your “customer service” team to respond to me. And I will not be ignored.
I had my rugs picked up on July 7th. The person who picked them up told me I would have them back in five business days. I called a week later only to be told it was a two week process…which, fine, whatever.
Two weeks later, after dutifully waiting for someone from your team to call me, I called again to check on the status and also to schedule that long promised re-do on my floors after that unfortunate accident involving the application of wax on a real wood floor. Turns out those warnings all over the product were serious. Who knew? I now live in what feels like an ice skating rink minus…you know…the ice, which makes the job of moving into a new house exceptionally challenging. The children and the dog would like to thank you though, never have you seen such happy faces as they whiz by us at break neck speeds. I’d tell you how sad they look when the eventually crash into a wall, but that would be overkill.
Anyway, I called in again and was left on hold for FIFTEEN MINUTES. I hung up and tried again and lo and behold, someone named Simone answered my call and told me my rugs would be delivered Saturday between the hours of 8 – 10. I was so happy to hear this and I trusted and believed what Simone had told me. Until 10:30 when I realized two things. My rugs were not coming and Simone is a filthy liar.
So I called in again. I have to tell you that I plan on reciting your looped hold recording as my next party trick because this time I was left on hold for TWELVE MINUTES. Either there are just a whole lot of rug emergencies in Dallas or you may want to consider staffing up a bit. Think about it.
The girl I finally got through to got the giggles when she told me my customer service rep who was in possession of my rugs for delivery had run out of gas along the way and was now stranded on the side of the highway. Perhaps in your training you should mention that little blinking red light means, “Need gas now.” Again, it’s a thought and you should know I plan on sending you a bill for my management consulting at this point.
One hour later I called in again for a few reasons. My rugs had still not arrived but more importantly, I was really starting to miss the information on your looped recording. Fortunately for me I was able to catch up on everything because this time I was left on hold for TEN MINUTES only to finally be assisted by someone who not only could not find a record of my rugs anywhere, but also could not find the stranded driver. After a good thirty minutes of frantic searching for both, the driver and rugs were located and I was told they would arrive at my house between 2-4.
I”m sure you will be shocked to hear it’s now 5:30 and I am without my rugs. I tried to call in again, fearing you may have changed the loop and I might miss some new and exciting information, and patiently waited for SEVEN MINUTES only to be disconnected. I called back one final time only to learn that you shut all your lines off promptly at 5:00 and if you happen to be the sucker waiting patiently for a live human? Well too bad about you. Here’s a little secret, most companies clear out their lines at the end of the day rather than shutting them down and hanging up on waiting, paying customers.
The consulting bill you will receive from me is growing by the moment, in case you hadn’t noticed.
Let me assure you that if I do not receive a phone call with a worthwhile apology and a promise that I will receive my rugs at some point in this lifetime, I will be informing your owner who lives a few streets away from me by banging loudly on her door until she answers. Barring that, I will buy every single green wig in Texas and burn them in effegy in front of your offices on a daily basis until this is resolved.
Do I have your attention now?
Thought so,
TSM
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