Customer Service? No, We Don’t Offer That Here…


Over the break, I did something I rarely do. I cleaned out one (of four) of my email inboxes. To put this in perspective, and also to fully demonstrate to you what an email hoarder I am, these are the counts in my inboxes in order:

  • Yahoo:  10,000+
  • Work:  7,533
  • Gmail (blog):  1,499
  • Gmail (personal):  7

So needless to tell you, I settled on cleaning out the personal Gmail account because the others just scare the hell out of me.   However, in digging through my Yahoo account, I did find this little gem which I think might have been the start of my blogging career.   It’s a rant that I sent off to a customer service department after a routine rug cleaning went horribly wrong.    I won’t say the company name but many of you may recognize them from this spokesmodel picture which honestly should have been my first clue that this would not go well.


August, 2006

Dear Person(s) who do(es) not answer phones:

I am writing to you because I cannot get a single member of your “customer service” team to respond to me.  And I will not be ignored.

I had my rugs picked up on July 7th.  The person who picked them up told me I would have them back in five business days.   I called a week later only to be told it was a two week process…which, fine, whatever.

Two weeks later, after dutifully waiting for someone from your team to call me, I called again to check on the status and also to schedule that long promised re-do on my floors after that unfortunate accident involving the application of wax on a real wood floor.   Turns out those warnings all over the product were serious.  Who knew?   I now live in what feels like an ice skating rink minus…you know…the ice, which makes the job of moving into a new house exceptionally challenging.  The children and the dog would like to thank you though,  never have you seen such happy faces as they whiz by us at break neck speeds.   I’d tell you how sad they look when the eventually crash into a wall, but that would be overkill.

Anyway, I called in again and was left on hold for FIFTEEN MINUTES.   I hung up and tried again and lo and behold, someone named Simone answered my call and told me my rugs would be delivered Saturday between the hours of 8 – 10.    I was so happy to hear this and I trusted and believed what Simone had told me.   Until 10:30 when I realized two things.   My rugs were not coming and Simone is a filthy liar.

So I called in again.    I have to tell you that I plan on reciting your looped hold recording as my next party trick because this time I was left on hold for TWELVE MINUTES.   Either there are just a whole lot of rug emergencies in Dallas or you may want to consider staffing up a bit.  Think about it.

The girl I finally got through to got the giggles when she told me my customer service rep who was in possession of my rugs for delivery had run out of gas along the way and was now stranded on the side of the highway.  Perhaps in your training you should mention that little blinking red light means, “Need gas now.”    Again, it’s a thought and you should know I plan on sending you a bill for my management consulting at this point.

One hour later I called in again for a few reasons.   My rugs had still not arrived but more importantly, I was really starting to miss the information on your looped recording.    Fortunately for me I was able to catch up on everything because this time  I was left on hold for TEN MINUTES only to finally be assisted by someone who not only could not find a record of my rugs anywhere, but also could not find the stranded driver.    After a good thirty minutes of frantic searching for both, the driver and rugs were located and I was told they would arrive at my house between 2-4.

I”m sure you will be shocked to hear it’s now 5:30 and I am without my rugs.   I tried to call in again, fearing you may have changed the loop and I  might miss some new and exciting information, and patiently waited for SEVEN MINUTES only to be disconnected.   I called back one final time only to learn that you shut all your lines off promptly at 5:00 and if you happen to be the sucker waiting patiently for a live human?  Well too bad about you.    Here’s a little secret, most companies clear out their lines at the end of the day rather than shutting them down and hanging up on waiting, paying customers.

The consulting bill you will receive from me is growing by the moment, in case you hadn’t noticed.

Let me assure you that if I do not receive a phone call with a worthwhile apology and a promise that I will receive my rugs at some point in this lifetime, I will be informing your owner who lives a few streets away from me by banging loudly on her door until she answers.     Barring that, I will buy every single green wig in Texas and burn them in effegy in front of your offices on a daily basis until this is resolved.

Do I have your attention now?

Thought so,


…And Just When You Thought I Was Done With Thanksgiving Posts

Jeez, I never know when to shut up.

It occured to me tonight that I have so much more to be thankful for than just not cooking turkey.

I am so thankful for my husband and my beautiful children.   John, I love the life you and I have built together.  You are my soul mate and I am eternally thankful I found you.  Thank you for understanding me.  I will love you for the rest of my days.    In the words of Jerry McGuire, “You complete me.”  I love you with all of my heart…it’s possible I don’t say it enough, but trust me.  I DO.

Mr C and Miss G (because I cannot bring myself to say your name yet on this blog), you are the lights of my life.   I cannot imagine my life without either one of you.   You make me smile and cry with joy on a daily basis.  Please understand that when I yell at you, I’m only trying to show you the way to be a good person.  Perhaps it could be done without yelling, but I’m Irish…so cut me some slack.  I kiss you both enough (I hope…) to make up for it.  I love you both and you are spectacular human beings.

To my extended family and in-laws, thank you all for making me feel like a part of you when I didn’t feel part of anything at all after I lost my family.    I love all of you for taking me in and making me feel like I was a part of you, even though I wasn’t from the beginning.  Your acceptance of me means the world to me.  I love you all.

I am thankful for my best and dearest friends…you know who you all are, I am so very blessed to have you in my life.    Each and every one of you ladies and men make my life so much richer…you give me balance and perspective.   And sometimes you make me laugh until my sides hurt.   I love each and every one of you for that.

And for those of you that read me, thank you…I never really thought you’d show up to read about my life, but I’m so very glad you did. I’ve made so many friends through this silly little blog and I am eternally grateful for that.  Trust me when I tell you that you are loved and thought of from a distance.  You are.

So everyone…I wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings, because I am so thankful for each and every one of you.



PS:  Closing comments on this one, please spare the type-strokes and go give someone you love a hug instead.



Am I the only one who was not aware of this?


It’s a chicken…shoved inside a duck… shoved inside a turkey.   I am fascinated by this.   Not fascinated enough to try it of course, but fascinated none the less.    I may be a great cook (and trust me, I am…) but when it comes to Turkey, the one thing I am thankful for is that I have found ways to completely remove myself from the daunting process of getting anywhere near it during the cooking phase.

I’d like to tell you that I slave over a hot stove at Thanksgiving, but I don’t…I take the lazy route.    Each year we load the kids into the car after a massive lecture on manners and being polite (wherein tell all letters written by us to Santa are thrown in at least ten times for good measure) and head over to my in-laws house.  My step Mother In Law, who trained at the Cordon Bleu,  has dinner ready and waiting for us.   I love it.    At Christmas, we prepare the feast and turkey is involved but once again, I manage to skirt all responsibility for the bird.   My only job is to pray The Man does not catch the house, or himself, on fire while he stands outside deep frying it.     To get out of  cooking the turkey, however, it’s a risk I am willing to take.

Also, to the great consternation of my family, I’m planning on breaking the annual Bitchmas festival into several days and nights, tackling one room at a time, instead of the entire house in one day. (And if you are new around these parts CLICK HERE FOR BITCHMAS explanation)   As with any major change in strategy, there are pros and cons to this approach.   The con is that the entire family is subjected to my screaming and cursing over getting poked by needles, nativity scenes that are missing all important camels (and one year the baby Jesus…but let’s not go there again) and lights that malfunction.    The pro side is, I don’t wear myself totally out trying to get it all done in 24 hours.   See?  Everyone wins.

All that being said, I’ll likely be missing for the rest of this week as I stuff my face make reasonable dining choices and terrorize my family hum Christmas carols while thoughtfully decorating.

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember….


PS:  This post done in consideration of Sprite’s Keepers theme of “What Are You Thankful For?”    If you want to know what bloggers are thinking with more deep thoughts than I have, CLICK HERE.   Come on, what are you waiting for?

And Now An Important Announcement…

it's not christmas yet

It’s not Christmas yet.

it's not christmas yet

My jaw almost dropped when I rounded the corner to turn onto my street and I saw this tonight.    It’s beautiful yes….but it’s way to early for this kind of Yule Tide display.    I was already having quite a difficult time with the Christmas trees popping up on top of stores and in malls everywhere before Halloween (and we all know how I feel about that) but to have the houses lighting up already is just too much for me to take.   Now, to be fair, we have the lights on our house too.   The big difference is we won’t turn them on until the day after Thanksgiving which is the next holiday on the calendar that deserves it’s own attention.   Pilgrims breaking bread with the Indians?  Pfft.   Who needs it?

It’s much better though than another house in our neighborhood that I have termed “The House of Eternal Christmas”.    This house has the lights wrapped around their trees all year long in an effort to not waste the energy required to put them up at the appropriate time.     Somewhere around Valentines day, the giant wreath hanging over their driveway will fall halfway down and remain  swaying in the wind for days threating to take out a small group of children as they gather waiting for the bus.    Usually by the time the March thunderstorms roll in, the angels with the wreaths around their neck will finally make their way back into the garage.    At Easter, we look forward to still seeing their tree, still fully lit, shedding a light onto their side patio to highlight the giant eggs they have placed out.    However, by the time July 4th rolls around and they have flags draped from their balconies and it’s approximately 110 degrees here…I have officially had it with the red lights wrapped in tiny tight rows on every single one of their trees even if they aren’t lit up.  It’s wrong…just wrong.

Here’s the bottom line, I don’t need a reminder already of how far behind I am already on Christmas.   Cards done?  No.   Gift lists?   Negative.   Anticipation of Bitchmas which is just around the corner?  I don’t need it.

Every holiday needs to know it’s place.   And this holiday’s place is not yet.
PS:  If you haven’t had enough of me yet, click here for my interview with Matt over at DC Urban Dad who has found a brilliant way of getting out of posting on Friday’s by getting people like me to do it for him.   (Kidding, sort of….I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first!) Thanks for having me Matt…I hope you still have a readership after today!

Prayers For Anissa


Yesterday started out great actually.   I was in a fantastic mood, thinking I could do anything…take on the world.   I even posted it to my facebook page.  And that my friends, is when it all took a turn for the worse.

In order of tragedy:

  • Lost huge annual advertiser.  Not one campaign, but six in total.  Tell me that’s not gonna leave a mark.
  • Daughter comes home from school with hacking cough.
  • Website goes down for 12 hours.
  • Husband rents Star Trek making me want to spork my eyes out.

So I sat there thinking about how really bad my day was and how it totally sucks to be me and I logged on to twitter to tell the world so that they could also feel my pain.

Only there was a different kind of pain going on.    Real pain.   Life changing pain.

Anissa Mayhew, blogger and twitter goddess extraordinaire,  had suffered a massive stroke and as of this post is currently in the ICU fighting for her life.

For those of you that never had the pleasure of meeting her, she is an amazing girl with a personality that can light up a room.   She’s larger than life but also one of the sweetest people you would ever hope to meet, willing to help even  casual acquaintances like me at the drop of a hat…which she did on more than one occasion.   Anissa has been given many more reasons than I will ever have to complain about her life…she’s witnessed one of her three children battle cancer and she’s already survived one stroke before this one.    Things that would have made me hostile and bitter, yet she continues to make thousands of people smile on a daily basis with her quick sense of humor and her giant heart.  The evidence of her impact on the blogging community is clear on twitter, every other tweet I see is someone praying for her or asking for an update.   Anissa is loved and it shows.

So yeah, I don’t have it so bad after all.   In fact, I’m pretty damn fortunate.  Do me a favor and go hug your kids and then if you are the type, say a prayer for Anissa.

She’d do it for you.


If you’d like to tweet or follow what is going on, Anissa’s twitter id is @anissamayhew and offical updates will be coming from @aiminglow.    Also, please tag your tweets with #prayersforanissa.   Lastly, you can check in for updates at her Caring Bridge page HERE.

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