In Light Of The Balloon Boy Controversy, I Thought You Might Like To Know This

Have you been following this story?   Have you? Because personally, I cannot get enough of it.  I was horrified when I saw the news that he might be floating over the Colorado Rockies in what appeared to be a large Jiffy Pop Tin.  Terrified when he wasn’t in it and wondering where little Falcon (side note:   Really?  You stuck your kid with that handle?) was.   And thrilled when he was okay.   But then there was Friday, when I spent the better part of the day LMAO that little Falcon (still can’t believe the name) busted his Dad on CNN and then barfed all over  his brothers on The Today Show.  And now, it appears Balloon Boys parents are headed to the state pen because law enforcement in Colorado is not amused that he pulled the wool over their eyes like that at all.

TV just does not get much better for me than this.

After watching Richard Heene’s antics during this entire ordeal, it came as no great surprise to me that he had been on Wife Swap, not once, but twice.

And then it occurred to me…I could have been there with him.  OH. MY. GOD.

Here’s the thing, Wife Swap approached me about a year ago for a “crazy cheer mom” edition no less.  Now, if any of you have read me for any period of time, you know that I am the opposite of “crazy cheer mom” and if not, check out my entries here, here…and here.    Yet there was Wife Swap, wanting to talk to me and asking these questions:

  • Do you eat, breathe, and sleep cheerleading?
  • Do you coach cheerleading or own a cheer gym or boot camp?
  • Do your kids want to get cheer scholarships?
  • Are you extremely scheduled?
  • Do you dress up at competitions and cheer them on from the sidelines?

If so,  we want to hear from you!!!!

Given my diatribes on my blog about their subject matter of crazy cheer parents, I can only assume I would be the normal one in the situation, if the possibility for normal even exists on that show.  I had no intention of doing it but I  played along for a little bit because honestly, I needed to know and you know I will never turn my back on good blog fodder, right?

I replied that I might possibly be interested and got all the details plus a very detailed explanation of what to expect.   In case you ever wanted to know:

  • They film you for 12 days straight from sun up to late at night, a camera is on you ALL DAY.
  • The camera crew does not stay at the house.   You are on your own with the people they stick you with when they finish filming at the end of the day.   But hey, they do a thorough criminal check if that makes you feel safer.    To make me feel even better they let me know that I would be provided my own room and they would require that a deadbolt be installed.   Yeah, not so much.
  • You don’t know where you are going until you get to the airport, and neither does your family.
  • They are in charge of the final editing process.  You have zero control over how crazy you and your family will appear in the final cut.
  • For subjecting yourself to humiliation on national TV, Wife Swap will pay you $20,000 two weeks after your episode airs.

Thanks, but no thanks.   Now to let you know what you would have seen had I chosen to go down this road, here is a list of what America will miss by not seeing The Stiletto House in all it’s reality glory:

  • On days when I don’t have sales calls, I work in my pj’s until at least noon.  Then I change into ugly sweats and rarely wear makeup…let alone stilettos.   I know, try to absorb this.
  • The Man sometimes talks to the cat for no apparent reason during the day.  I don’t know what he’s saying, but they seem to understand each other.  I’m fairly sure they are talking smack about how ugly I look.
  • Wine is a staple in this household.   And so are Scotch and Bourbon.  Never to excess but we have been known to get our drink on after this kids go to bed.   We like to think of it as medicinal.
  • The show would be filled with a lot of bleeps as I am known for shouting out obscenities in my office when things don’t go my way.   What???  @#%^ off if you don’t like it.
  • We really do not have our act together in the least.  Homework is never done on time, there are at least five freak outs per morning trying to negotiate proper clothing with the children and sometimes we feed them Lunchables for dinner because we are covered in 10 layers of awesome.

There’s a ton more that I could share here, but you never know, we may want to pitch our own reality show.   Because if we did, I might get to spend time with a hot mess like this guy:

But I will be forced to draw the line at sharing my lingerie with him.

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