Get This: There Is A Family More Dysfuntional Than Mine At Dinner…Really!

I have to start out by voicing my undying love for Jen over at Sprite’s Keeper for her brilliant idea to tell everyone to recycle a post this week for her Spin Cycle. I love her for this for a few reasons. First of all, I’m trying to green up my life a little bit and this allows me to spare the world from un-necessary keystrokes and also my job has got me by the throat right now and is not going to let go anytime soon. (Hello economy…thank you for FINALLY waking up in the ad game…) This is a post that was live blogged from dinner about a year ago and the family in question was SO LOUD I can still hear them in my head whenever I eat sushi. Meet The Screamers:

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sushi

I’m at a sushi restaurant right now, pretty empty as it’s a Tuesday night, just killing time while Miss G is at practice. I am happy to tell you, one family in America has less fun at dinner than mine does.

There is a family of five sitting next to me and they are SCREAMING at each other. It seems to have started with the (I’m guessing) 14 year olds inability to hold chop sticks correctly. After general mocking and belittling, it has spiraled into a discussion about some errant behavior on his part during a recent vacation. Apparently he didn’t like being woken up at noon on vacation and forced to eat. (I can’t blame him) The mother actually said (screamed) “Here’s the deal, if we go to a restaurant and you don’t like it….STARVE.” The other two kids, a boy and a girl who look to be maybe 7 or 8, are looking down at their plates with concern on their faces.

I am a little concerned for them to be honest.

The discussion/negotiation has moved on to where to vacation next year. The son of course has some suggestion, which was summarily ignored and the Dad waves his hands in the air and yells “SCREW THAT….WE ARE GOING TO EUROPE!”

Quick, somebody call Europe and warn them.

But not the French, because they totally deserve this family.

The fourteen year old though, he really needs some coaching on his negotiation skills as he is now in a very loud voice demanding a laptop for his birthday. Mom and Dad are not buying off on this, not even a little bit, and the boy has now shifted his demands to the laptop OR THE CASH EQUIVALENT.

I’m starting to see why his parents want to starve him.

They are moving on to the hard stuff now. Apparently the 14 year old took something from them that he promised to pay for yet has not so far. Threats of prison and jail are now being tossed about, and while the little girl seems really upset by this thought, the little brother is all “Also, he took my DS the other day….”

Sadly, it’s time for me to shut down and go collect Miss G. I am truly sorry I’m not going to see the portion of the programming where one of the family members (and it’s a crap shoot who will draw first blood at this point) stabs the other one with a chop stick. I’m just really glad that in my family (because we are perfect you know) when we have our knock down drag outs…threats of children going to prison fights…it stays within the walls of our home. Sure it gets so loud sometimes that passing joggers look startled but then again, they sure aren’t carrying a computer and reporting on it blow by blow like I am. Pick your fights…and more importantly pick the place to have your fights.

…and never do it next to a girl with a laptop and nothing but time on her hands.

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27 Comments


  1. Coco said:

    That was a real experience you had wasn’t it. If they do that in public what they do in private has to be stuff movies are made of. Doesn’t sound like they put the fun in dysfunctional.

  2. tuesday said:

    I am sorry. Next time we will eat somewhere else.

    :)

  3. Eastcoastfan said:

    This new widget thing at the bottom of your blog- which I should understand, given that I’m like in the industry…. keeps showing me the Japan underpants showing thing which upsets me… tell it to stop!

    Can’t wait to see you in 2 days in balmy TX!!!!

    Eileen

  4. Jan said:

    “But not the French, because they totally deserve this family.”

    Y’know, I’ve heard France would be perfectly lovely if it weren’t for the French.

  5. Joanie M said:

    Wow, you hardly had to eavesdrop to get all the info! Too bad you had to leave.

  6. Casey said:

    If I feed my kids cigarettes and coffee, do you think they’ll stay small so I never have to deal with a teenager?

  7. Captain Dumbass said:

    I remember this one. It’s still scary.

  8. CK Lunchbox said:

    I’m down with that recycling thing…

    …dinner sounds like a regular day in the Pakistani parliament but with chopsticks.

  9. Taiya said:

    I think this is the best line in a blog, E V E R.

    “But not the French, because they totally deserve this family.”

  10. Sprite's Keeper said:

    Argh! My comment got eaten! (I bet it was the French.) :-)
    I would think Europe should be warned and maybe the entire family with the exception of the two younger kids be placed on the do not fly list.
    I feel worst for you. They live in YOUR area!
    You’re linked, love!

  11. The Mother said:

    When I was just barely engaged to my hubby, he took me to Canada to meet his relatives. One set spent the ENTIRE evening SCREAMING at each other. Not just loud noises, mind you. Profanities. “YOU a…., You’re so stupid!”

    It was quite a leap of faith to marry him after that, I have to say. Turns out, they were the black sheep. The rest of the family just drinks when they get upset. My kind of people.

  12. SweetPeaSurry said:

    Oh my … I have decided to feel for the kids, because obviously they learned this horrid behavior somewhere, and as their parents were participating in this debacle, I choose to believe that’s where the learned behavior comes from. Very scientific of me NO?!!!

    I have got to remember to carry my laptop around with me from time to time, just in case irresistable situations like this come up to blog upon. The laptop and a camera. (I’m thinking it’s lucky that the family dog could not participate in this family dinner outing)

    Excellent ‘Spin Cycle’!!! I loved it!

  13. Connie @ Young and Relentless said:

    I missed this one but I think you were sitting next to my in-laws!

  14. Michele said:

    Wasn’t it nice of Jen to let us phone this one in? Now, I have to figure out what to do tomorrow. Do you think she’ll fall for it twice?

    First, all first born children MUST negotiate all things. End of story. Second born children MUST try to make everyone feel better. If you are stupid enough to have a third born; they get a free pass to all things. Mostly, because mom and dad have f(&king given up.

  15. paige said:

    You should come to Thanksgiving with my family–that will scare the hell out of you.

    We make these people look healthy. I shit you not

    When I finally crack and kill someone, no one will wonder why. Too many years in a family like that takes a toll

  16. Maureen at IslandRoar said:

    I’m always relieved to hear of families with greater dysfunction than my own.
    Great recycled Spin!

  17. Kathy said:

    And that is what I hate about living in Germany! Not being able to understand the language to eaves drop in restaurants and in public. I’ m eaves dropping rehab!!

  18. Pippa said:

    This makes me feel so much better about my family (not my children, husband and I but the extended parents siblings bit) who I realise may drive me mad but really are fairly sedate!

  19. JennyMac said:

    SO glad I caught this the second time around!

  20. Paige Lacey said:

    Sorry I missed that one the first time around! Too funny. There’s nothing like seeing crazy to make you realize how really normal you are. :o )

  21. Suzy Voices said:

    Awesome! So glad I got to read this since I didn’t catch it the first time. Love the comment about the French. Too bad you didn’t have a camera, you could have taken some pics. ;-)

  22. Carolyn Online said:

    Oh my… that’s going to be me very very soon…

  23. Reinventing Dad said:

    Sadly my family is like that at times. No profanities, just lots of potty talk…

  24. Dana's Brain said:

    That’s awful. And hilarious!

    And I pray I don’t find myself becoming those parents when the kids hit the teen years…

  25. Closed Caption said:

    Being hearing impaired really comes in handy at times like these. You should get yourself a pair and then turn them off when you encounter another situation as mentioned in the article. Then again, you wouldn’t have anything to write about.

  26. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said:

    Families like that freak me out… On the rare occasion we have loud disagreements and threats of prison and jail, we keep them within the walls of our home, too – although I wonder if that will change when Princess Nagger reaches the teen years? If that’s the case, we’ll just stay home. ;)

  27. zelzee said:

    How funny!

    I think I have sat next to them a time or two, also!!


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