If there is one thing I know about my daughter it is this…she wants to be JUST LIKE ME. I don’t know why exactly but she is well on her way. Likes to change outfits 20 times a day? Check. Need for constant attention? Roger that. Intense love of shoes? A pair of new flip flops can bring her to tears. Deep fascination with all things pretty and sparkly and anything that smells good? We have that in spades. Add in here a beautiful candle at a friends house and one very curious little girl and you’ve got yourself the making of a story.
This weekend we were at my friend Gretchen’s house having a lovely time. I had gone to the restroom earlier and noticed she had a beautiful candle burning…cranberry and orange…so pretty and it smelled fantastic. I should have known that my admiration for that candle could only mean one thing….property destruction shortly thereafter.
Normally, a candle would not cause me to think such a thing. But given that Miss G has managed to morph almost completely into me in the past year or so (minus about one foot and 10 bra sizes) I should have known that she would find the exact same candle irresistable.
This is was the candle:
This is what the candle looks like when a small girl picks it up to sniff and admire it, finds it full of…yes…hot burning wax and drops it on WHITE TRAVERTINE FLOORS.
It’s all over the wall too if you look closely enough. Also, the other wall is covered. And the mirror. And a little on the toilet seat. AND A LOT UNDER THE TOILET SEAT. ..and I think also on the ceiling but to be honest at that point I was busy working out a very difficult physics equation on how one small person could throw that much wax in so many directions.
And apparently, this is what my daughter looked like when she emerged from the bathroom:
After being frantically called back into the house because at first it really looked like she had blood all over her (and based on the level of the shriek I’m fairly sure Gretchen was about to faint) I went to survey the damage in the bathroom. I’m no stranger to this particular game…property destruction is Miss G’s middle name. (sometime we can talk about nail polish and how it can make beautiful wall murals in not only your home…but the very nice homes of your friends as well…) Took one look and immediately asked Gretchen if we could just go ahead and buy her a new house because we had obviously broken this one.
After picking eleventymillion pieces of red wax out of my daughters hair and off her skin, The Man and I set about fixing the house so as not to have to buy an entirely new one (or at least a bath remodel). I spent :30 minutes on my hands and knees with a paint scraper prying the wax off the floor. Here’s the thing you should know about red wax (because I know all of you are very curious about the subject) IT SPREADS. As in, the minute you pick one scoop up some of it drops off and causes another mess. The Man came in next and after :45 minutes in a small bath with Goo Gone and a few rags, I’m fairly sure he may need to be checked into rehab from the fumes. Both of us now covered in bits of red wax and smelling like an odd combination of Cranberry and Goo Gone, the mess was finally clean and we vowed to lock Miss G in a closet the next time we let her out of the house.
So tell me, would you like to host us at your home soon for a get together? I promise you, it won’t be a dull evening.
{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
I have linoleum in our bathroom, so I’m not worried.
Sams last blog post..Spoiler Alert
I would be sure to hide all things sparkly, pretty and aromatic.
Cocos last blog post..DOG ON CRACK OR LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE
Come on over. I broke all the good china long ago. Oh, and you’ll be drinking wine out of a big glup cup. I’m classy like that.
Micheles last blog post..Friday Foodie – Brown Rice with Beans
Come on over! We have nothing nice to ruin since our kids will have beaten anyone else to it. Miss G will blend right in with my Izzy raiding my shoe closet and breaking into the nail polish, and afterwards they can sneak into the bathroom and squirt all the travel shampoos and lotions everwhere(including on little brother). If they aren’t already empty
That is too funny! I’m liking how the friends’ walls are painted a burnt orange color. There’s nothing fancy in my powder room. In fact there is a huge hole in the ceiling where a pipe burst and hubs cut out half the ceiling and replaced the bad pipe but gave up when trying to replace the drywall.
Michele Renees last blog post..The Full Buck Moon
Heh, what an unfortunate accident! I’m happy that you didn’t have to buy your friend a new house or a bathroom remodel though. WHEWIE!!!
blessings!
SweetPeaSurrys last blog post..Tomorrow … tomorrow I Love ya … Tomorrow!
OMG. When the bundle gets a little older we’ll have you over and just leave bowls of nice smelling sparkly florescent goo all over the house.
crazylovescompanys last blog post..New websites and blogs I love. Or at least like a lot.
Your daughter only has one foot? Poor thing. Y’all.
Middle-Aged-Womans last blog post..Time for a New Profile Picture
LOL, you need to bring her to a house with all little boys. There’s really not much she could do around here that would shock us… I probably would’ve told you to ignore it and pour yourself another glass so we can toast to, ‘yay, no blood!’
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..My Tribute to Elastic Waist Pants.
Oh dear. Well at least the candle matched the wall!
Speaking of coming over . . . are you ever going to claim that rain check?
The Lawyer Moms last blog post..All I Wanna’ Do is Just Get Sued . . .
Our house is a disaster since the monsters arrived to destroy it. So I have no fear of your girl. Send her over to stay. Whenever we have company, I tell them to be ready for chaos and squalor.
Kate Coveny Hoods last blog post..As Good as Cake Giveaway: Have a Baby? Need a Shower Gift?
whatever.
pamelas last blog post..how i got my neighborhood black-listed
Well we don’t burn candles in our house with three five-year olds so I wouldn’t have an issue inviting the Stiletto family over.
Damons last blog post..Summer of ’89
Uh, I don’t think I’d count on any invitations from Gretchen in the upcoming weeks, unless she’s heavily medicated.
The Dental Mavens last blog post..Not Just Another Fem-Bot. This Girls Got Skilz!
awwww. how adorable. isn’t it great to have a mini me?
Poor Miss G! Who was more embarrassed…you or her? Sad thing is, I bet she still won’t be able to resist the aromatic temptations of a burning candle.
Wendys last blog post..Sleeping Woes
Haha.. oh, no! But still… I have two boys… I have seen it all, and my house had endured it all. So, come on over! Anytime!
Loukias last blog post..OHmommy… look at those shoes! (The interview)
Not much would really bother me. I have had destruction run throughout my household for years while the kids were small.
Now I have grandchildren.
Maybe you’re right and it’s best you don’t come over lest she teach Sprite a few things.
I caught her with a bottle of nail polish last night and realized not only does she know how to open the bottle, she knows how to reach the bottle, which was on our kitchen bar counter.
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Siren Song
That about sums it up:)
What do your kids have against our bathroom? There have been multiple incidents that have involved your children over the years in our bathroom. We love them anyway. BTW, I live here too, no mention of me in the article, geez…I’ll just go cook something!
My bathroom seriously needs to be remodeled (at the very least, it needs painted because Tool Man? Yeah, he painted the walls with ceiling pant while I was gone one day because he had a bit left over and heaven knows, we scrimp the cents around here)(also? sigh…), so if you don’t mind bringing your own candles, I’ll leave a few of bottles of fingernail polish lying around, I’ll leave the door unlocked….
foradifferentkindofgirl (fakdog)s last blog post..so tired that i couldn’t even sleep
Your precious daughter is welcome back anytime. But, I will make sure to only use ugly candles in the future! (Gee Mr.
Closed Caption is a little sensitive).
My wife usually leaves a candle burning in our upstairs bathroom, so just don’t go there . . .
tysdaddys last blog post..Simple Man
Oh no! I bet you have nice friends that blamed themselves. Last year my neighbor’s son dropped a glass plate of cake by my pool and we kept finding shards of glass in the pool for weeks. But what was I thinking, using glass instead of paper (who did I think I was, trying to be all classy?)? I told them it was completely my fault, tho I was a Little pissed when they fell for it. I’m sure your friend can’t believe she left a candle in the bathroom where anyone could drop it….
Funny post
Maureen at IslandRoars last blog post..Island Magic
Bring it.
DCUrbanDads last blog post..Watch out Serena Williams…..
You can come over ANY TIME.
But if we visit, help me make sure no one urinates down your a/c vents or anything.
Not that we’ve had that happen…*ahem*.
Amos last blog post..He’s going to be the death of me.
Sure…come on over. I could use a new house!
Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..Looks like Jon’s getting some Sexy Time
That really does look like some horrible murder scene. Poor candle. It never really lived!
Hope Miss G didn’t get burned!
Dana’s Brains last blog post..25 and counting
Come on over – chances are, me and the dog have already beaten her to it.
Jans last blog post..At Least They Speak English
Miss G? Never! Don’t say!
But the REAL problem is that she is just so cute and adorable and has the longest eyelashes ever framing those beautiful eyes, and the sweetest smile ever…so everything is forgiven and forgotten. I love her – you know it. But yeah, she’s the wolf in lamb’s skin. Send her over! And bring all of you along…it’s been a long time and I need some fun time.
*Ahem* What just happened there on my post? Why the links on “longest” and “framing”? Sorry!
Anywhooo…..
Laughing, laughing, laughing…but with you, not AT you. Your poor child…and that floor, but hopefully all is sparkly and well now.
JennyMacs last blog post..Scrub a dub dub
We’ll serve you drinks AND dinner. There is nothing your daughter can do that my kids haven’t. Promise.
Just let me know when you’re headed to Houston.
The Mothers last blog post..How Not to Send Your Kids to Camp
I’m still laughing at your comments (and my follow up to yours) at Carolyn’s (online)…..yeeeeahhhhh…..
Oh and the undies skirts. Want one. In India. Oh sure….
at least the color of the was and the color of the wall is close, right?
bexs last blog post..FFF: Strikes Back!
Well, that is why I never light any of my candles. they are irresistable!
tuesdays last blog post..Generosity
…is it wrong I just want to know where she got the candle??
Psst-you are welcome here anytime : )
Flip-flops can bring people to tears? Thinking about it that makes sense. The last time I got beaten round the ear by a flip-flop I cried for a week.
I couldn’t respond to your comment my normal way via email. New internet provider and for some reason nothing is going out.
I would so have you over. Sounds like never a dull moment. Maybe I could plan some demolition and let little missy have a go. Perhaps she could create an abstract painting with candle wax.
Cocos last blog post..DEMON DOG & EXPLODING WINE BOTTLES
Hell yeah! Candle wax does not make me shake in my boots. The easiest way to get it off of just about anything? A roll of paper towels and a very, hot iron. Does the trick everytime. Or we could just leave all the candles un-lit from the start if you like.
So Not Mom-a-liciouss last blog post..A few Recommendations, from experience.
If you bring the booze you can burn my house down for all I care! Next time, let the wax dry and it’ll come up like nothing.
Oh, I am so totally with you! I’ve done the nail polish myself – from the TOP shelf of the pantry no less. Amazing how much one little bottle can splatter – I now understand the whole CSI blood splatter thing. And, I’m sorry little Miss G had to go through that. Moreover, that you had to go through it – but man oh man, you sure did brighten my night!!!
You can come on ever whenever you’d like. We just have regular old tile.
Although, you might walk in and then scream like Carrie up there. The mess is scary.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..Dear Neighbor…
I was at a Christmas party last year at our friends’ mansion. Yes, we have A friend who lives in a mansion, and it’s cool because we get to go to their big blowout wine parties twice a year. So at Christmas, the hostess decided it would be fabulous to line this little nook on the staircase going to the party room in the basement with little red votive candles. Did I mention it’s a wine blowout party? So people bring bottles of wine? And get really, really drunk?
Some person (and by person, I mean NOT me) was very drunk and stumbled and wound up knocking said red votives, which were all cinnamony and melty by that time, all down the stairs.
Oh, did I mention the stairs are carpeted? In cream wool carpet? That costs about as much per square foot as I make in a month?
Forget the fact that the guy set his pants on fire with a burning wick. Forget the fact that he broke his index finger when he fell. Forget the fact that the glass of wine he was carrying flew through the air and sprayed all over my beautiful snow white silk dress, which made it look like I got my period. But remember that red wax? Everywhere. In the carpet. In my hair. In his hair, on his clothes.
Two days later, my friend the hostess said she was having the carpet ripped up because no amount of ironing over paper towel could get the wax and stain out. She replaced it with wood.
At least Miss G is a kid. This guy? Just a drunk clutz. With no more invitations to the wine blowout parties.
Must have missed this post somewhere along the way! I see my god daughter of destruction left her mark on Gretchen’s lovely home! Tell Ms. G. not to fret. It happens to children of all ages…
Having been in our lovely new house for all of 3 months. My very drunk husband decides to PICK UP the RED candles on my beautiful new (at the time white) fireplace to blow them out. I did what I could but it was 3am! Spent over 4 HOURS the next day with a bottle of Goo Gone, cleaning up candlewax. Luckily for him, it all came up with no staining.
I have to say that Goo Gone has been on my official list of things I love ever since. Needless to say, hubby is no longer allowed around burning candles.
Keep the faith Ms. G! I loves you.