Y’all sick of my travel stories yet? Yeah, me too, trust me.
At this point, all I do is travel. This week, I was off to lovely Hot-lanta again. I was doomed from the start on this one. For starters, I missed my first flight by THIRTY SECONDS. That’s right, a mere fraction of a moment. Slid my passport (not that I need one for Atlanta but I look so cool when I whip it out, you know?) into the little machine at exactly 12:05, the clock turned to 12:06 as it processed my itinerary at which point the machine stuck it’s tongue out at me and said, “Too late loser!” This of course, is no ones fault but mine so I can’t really complain. What I didn’t need was Joe, the kindly security guy who I see every week at Terminal C in DFW who looked at my standby status and said, “Well, well, well….look at who didn’t make it on time today…” Thanks Joe, you are totally not getting that batch of homemade chocolate I was thinking about handing out over the holidays…
Here’s where it got tricky….went to the new gate to make sure I was on standby and that my upgrade request was in process and was told not only would I clear standby but would clear for First Class as well. HUZZAH!
Go hang out at Chili’s, watch some of the MJ Memorial service (which by the way, very touching indeed but in case you haven’t been watching the news, he is STILL DEAD today…move on people, move on…), go to the gate where I am told yes, I will still likely clear First Class but in the meantime, here is my boarding pass so I should kindly go take my seat and they will retrieve me for my rightful upgrade to the land of free food and wine.
Get to my seat and realize I am sitting next to a woman who has traveled from Mexico to DFW and is on her way to Atlanta with her two adorable children, age 3 and 11 months. “It’s okay” I tell her as she tries to shuffle things around without dropping the baby “I’m being upgraded to first class and you will have this row all to yourself!”
Famous last words.
Waited patiently for said upgrade which I don’t think I need to tell you never came through. The kids are starting to get restless at which point I tell her, “It’s really okay, I’m a Mom, I’ve been where you are….they can’t bother me.” She looked doubtful, I felt confident. That is, until they told us we had to hold at the gate for an hour due to bad weather in Atlanta. I can’t be positive, but I think the baby knew what the pilot said because at that exact moment she decided to begin howling. You could just see the pain on this woman’s face…and I have had this same expression. For some unknown reason, the baby started reaching for me and the Mom was trying to do damage control holding her back. The baby? Was having none of it. Again, I looked at the Mom and said, “Seriously, don’t worry about it, she’s not gonna bother me!”
What I didn’t know is that baby was out for blood.
Oh sure, she looked innocent enough. Probably one of the cutest babies I’ve seen in a while. However, the only thing that would make her happy was pulling my hair and being a Mom and knowing how stressful the whole plane thing can be, I let her. She calmed down after a while and we pulled back from the gate.
But then we got to the runway. And we got held again. For another hour. Mind you, I’m not complaining because given the choice of flying through rough weather and sitting next to Hair Pulling Baby? I’ll take the Hair Pulling Baby, thankyouverymuch. But what I didn’t know was hair pulling is apparently the gateway drug to another variation of torture, Claw Baby. Claw Baby was only happy when she was dragging her sharp little baby nails down my arm which greatly alarmed her mom. Again, I’m all about trying to maintain peace on the airplane so I said, “It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much and she’s not crying…don’t worry about it.” The squeals of glee from Claw Baby should have alarmed me but no, her cuteness was like Kryptonite is to Superman and I was totally defenseless to her spit bubble charms.
We finally took off and the mom and her kids all fell asleep. Claw Baby looked a little bit like this:
Possibly even cuter. Bless them, they had had a very long day, traveling since 7 am that morning and it was now 3:00. I settled into a really good book and enjoyed the silence. Claw Baby was asleep, looking like an angel when the guy next to me started talking really loudly and I was all, “OMG MAN…STOP TALKING….DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IF SHE WAKES UP????”
Wake up she did and this time, with a look of zealous glee she realized that if she grabbed the back part of my arm with her two tiny fingers and squeezed really hard, that was even more fun than clawing me and thus was born the scariest of all baby variations, Pinch Baby.
I was not fond of Pinch Baby at all.
So she pinched and she pinched and she pinched pinched pinched. And she laughed and she squealed, and then she pinched some more. And I gave the man next to me some really dirty looks.
We finally got to Atlanta and the mom asked me if I could hold Pinch Baby for just a minute while she gathered her stuff. Apprehensive, bruised and just worn flat out, I agreed even though I was fairly sure that the next iteration of this baby morphing would involve fire or at the very least blood, I put her on my lap. And you know what she did?
She grabbed my nose and pulled me down to her face and blew spit bubbles on my cheek and giggled.
And the world was good again.
{ 49 comments }
I’m sure by the time I finish this comment I won’t be first anymore. But I was in spirit!
Pinch Baby sounds really, really bad. Definitely the worst of the three personalities! Are you still bruised?
Dana’s Brains last blog post..Quite a weekend
OMG, you were on the worse that screaming baby flight. Only thing that didn’t happen was the puking baby. JR was on THAT flight last week from Hobby to DFW.
Micheles last blog post..The Boy’s Big Toe
Oh, Beloved could so relate to this story, since he travels all the time, too. And Atlanta is a CRAPPY airport to fly in/out of.
Well, look at it this way – one day, she’ll be on an airplane and some baby with yank and claw the bejesus out of her, too. Or at least we can hope.
Jans last blog post..Driving Miss Crazy
Yeah, I would have done the same thing. And then made sure a dirty diaper found its way into the loud guy’s carry on..
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Should I be shopping agents just yet?
SO what were you drinking?
MarathonMoms last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
You are a good sport. I’m sure that poor mom appreciated it. Hope the pinching doesn’t keep you out of sleeveless tops for long…
Kate Coveny Hoods last blog post..Why I Think Michael Jackson Was Guilty As Charged
What is it about DFW? I got caught there 12 seconds late to check my bags and we spent 40 minutes understanding that it was only my bags that could not go, but I could. Well what the hell will I do without my bags, I live 100 miles from the airport.
So they say I can carry them on–why did they not say that before?> I had to gut everything I bought in Ft Worth, pitch it, to haul to the gate. Where they CHECKED MY BAG
Mother of God
paiges last blog post..Happy things-day 4
bless you stiletto mom. bless your heart. i have been that mom many many many times and it was the kind passenger like you – that angels sent from heaven above to survive the flight. you deserve a jewel in your crown!
most babies and little kids who are crying and being little adorable terrors, calm down as soon as you get in the air. then again, i have only been on domestic flights. it might be a whole ‘nother ball game internationally.
bexs last blog post..HASAY: the good bad, the bad and the chubby
What a great sport you were to help out a struggling mom. When I’m without my kids on travel or just with my wife on vacation I look around for struggling parents and give them THAT look of understanding. Sometimes, however, I feel so badly for them that I have to take a step backward and realize that these are NOT my kids….mine are just waiting for me to hurry the hell up and get home!
Damons last blog post..Why do married people over 40 drink?
OMG sorry I laughing with you not at you! I have been that Mom and hating every minute. I almost left my daughter in the Denver airport because I couldn’t handle another leg of a flight with that monster. Glad you survived!
WHEW!! When you said you had Pinch Baby on your lap I thought for sure you were going to say there was a diaper failure!
Alls well that ends welL!
The Dental Mavens last blog post..Busted!
I was chuckling as I read about your nightmare with the baby monster.
I think we all have a story or two when we fly a lot. There are so many thing s that we cannot control when we are flying…the worst has to be a similar situation to yours. Little ones can be seriously harmful and challenging.
It does however make us appreciate when a flight does go well
Dorothy Ls last blog post..~~~~~Happy Independance Day~~~~
I hope you ordered a double. Maybe sneak some into the baby bottle.
The Peach Tarts last blog post..Simon Says Get Naked and so Does The Peach Tart
Baby pincer grips are lethal. One of my colleagues had to wear an eye patch for 3 days after his baby caught him by surprise. That’s right, the baby was just sitting there and then *bang* it had reached up and, with its tiny little thumb and forefinger, gripped his eyeball in a deadly “baby sharp nail” pincer grip.
Having been on both sides of this coin, I much prefer walking away with bruises than the horror of the mommy.
But I am still laughing at the ‘I’m getting upgraded’ comment. Heehee
Amos last blog post..It’s only a day away.
Oh my god… your nicknames were killing me!
Sues last blog post..A Spiky Boot Up My Tender Ass…
What happened to first class and free food?
THIS is why I don’t fly- it has nothing to do with the chance that the plane might crash in the Atlantic, but HEY, good news-I won’t feel a thing because my body will be charred by then. It’s screaming babies.
Sams last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Duck, Duck, Goose
I’ve read all these recent posts (finally…I know, I know…sigh) and I would now like to spend some time flying with pinchy baby and end up in that sweet executive suite. Where can I cash in all the times I’ve spent riding in a minivan, getting a crink in my neck because I’m forever turning around to help the boys figure out how to change the dvd in the portable player?
Awww, I’m a sucker for a happy ending!
Suzy Voicess last blog post..My God!
You were a real sport. I would have been fuming and fretting of the non-materializing 1st class upgrade.
The Lawyer Moms last blog post..Big-Bosomed Babes vs. Tough Broad Anchors
I’m still upset that you didn’t get your upgrade…..but you are a sweetheart for being so understanding with the baby!
P.S. Only three days until I have lunch with Jen!
Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..I’ve been tagged!
That lucky mom to sit next to you.
I always try and be kind to moms of babies on planes, remembering the icy stares people gave me when I traveled with little ones.
Hope you’re not too black and blue…
Maureen at IslandRoars last blog post..Spin Cycle: Driving
It’s always the cute ones you have to watch out for–even your own.
hahahaha. Great story! Claw baby? Love that. But it is a cute pic.
JennyMacs last blog post..I’m counting to three….
Pinch Baby! Classic!
I’m sure the mom (and Pinch Baby) totally appreciated it. I would have.
Keelys last blog post..But at least we didn’t have to master driving on the opposite side of the road
Ok, this post just made me wonder if the same thing will happen to me when I’m flying to Chicago all by my lonesome. Because you just know that the one time I can enjoy a peaceful moment, kid-less for more than an hour, I’ll probably be sitting next to children much louder and high-maintenance than mine. It’s the universe’s way to say “count your blessings”
Elisas last blog post..No way, baby.
Umm way more patience than I could have, would have exhibited. Although somehow I have learned to tolerate a crying child and especially so on a plane. The hair pulling, scratching and pinching not so much. Laws should be created so that Loud Man had to switch seats. Teach him.
I was living in Atlanta and working in Dallas for 9 months. So lots of flights. Once I was a few minutes late checking in at Atlanta and they would not let me on the flight because I had to fly with my luggage, being that I could be a terrorist and all. Well instead of getting to Dallas at 4 I got there at midnight. My luggage went on the first flight I was not allowed on. Go figure.
The next time this happened and they told me that I had a meltdown. The guy you can pay to take your luggage into the airport felt sorry for me and told me he would get my luggage on that flight. God bless him. I could not deal with sitting in the airport all day and then dashing to my hotel for only a few hours of sleep. Traveling is stressful enough as it is.
Cocos last blog post..CHANGES IN LATITUDE
Honestly, I don’t know how you do it but I admire you as always. You were way more patient with the loud guy than I would have. Trust me, I would have let him know just what I was thinking.
Hope your travels from now on are a bit less painful.
HUGS!
Krystals last blog post..Thank God it is Friday!!!
I would rather have someone stab me in the eye with bamboo skewers than fly with my children. Which is why we’ll be taking them all (including the one that will be freshly hatched) across the country to Disney World in February.
You are so very, very patient. I would have been horrified if my baby was pinching a complete stranger.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..RTT: Excuse me while I fashion a headdress and thong underwear out of some mosquito netting and banana leaves.
I held a baby for a stranger on a plane once. Apparently mommy hadn’t fed him in a bit, because the little monster tried to rip my bra off. Kind of awkward. My mild buzz (drinking at altitude – always amusing) coupled with my lack of patience (hey, I don’t have kids yet) added some fun to the situation.
.-= Tales of Tree Hugging 2L´s last blog ..making lemonade =-.
4920148 beers on the wall.
high account you keep
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