Hotel, Motel…Holiday Inn?
As I mentioned in my previous post, immediately upon ejecting dropping our darling children off at camp, The Man and I hightailed it to Napa.
The flight itself was uneventful, the drive to Napa beautiful. We got to the hotel? It was SPECTACULAR. Lovely Woman at the counter checked us in. Everyone was all smiles.
Got the keys, headed to the room. And that is when the smiling stopped.
The Man had booked a room with a patio because at night in Napa it can get down in the 50’s. Coming from 100 degrees in Texas, this, in and of itself, is a big tourist draw for us. We had packed our sweats to sit out on the patio at night. However, a patio was the one thing we did not have upon arrival.
We went up to our room, room 203 to be exact, and opened the door. It was really dark. I mean really, really dark. I’m all, “Honey, where is the balcony and what is that tiny window looking thingy?” Go to the window thingy and realize it is actually what they consider to be a patio. It’s a small window leading to a space that was about 6X6 and WALLED IN. No air, no natural light. It was a slightly nicer version of what they subjected Heidi and Spencer Pratt to on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.” (Not that I watched it….)
And I? Looked like this:
…well, I mean minus the the Playboy body, blonde hair, retarded husband and shiny shiny skin.
The Man was looking quite concerned as I searched for a brown paper bag in which to hyperventilate. (Have I mentioned I’m slightly claustrophobic?) This room was sending me over the edge of reality STAT. So after going all Rain Man and turning in circles saying eleventy million times “This won’t do, this just won’t do…” we headed back downstairs.
The Lovely Woman who checked us in was standing there with the Desk Manager, almost as if they were waiting for us. Following is a snippet of our conversation.
TSM: Hi, we just checked into 203? And…NO.
Lovely Woman: Oh yes, I told Desk Manager here that I had just checked you in and I felt bad about it.
TSM: Did you also take bets on how long we would take to come back down?
Lovely Woman: Um….
TSM: Who had two minutes?
Desk Clerk: Well, that room can be problematic indeed.
TSM: Yes, indeed. Is this where you send the guests you don’t like?
Desk Clerk: *Deer in headlight look*
Lovely Woman: *Hides under desk*
TSM: This room? Will not do, we booked a room with a patio, not a prison cell.
Desk Clerk: Well yes, but technically it has a patio.
TSM: Right. Let me say it again. This? Will. Not. Work. For. Us.
The Man: *Pulls out reservations that show beautiful room with expansive patio* This? Is a room with a patio. That? Was NOT.
Desk Clerk: Yes but we are sold out…
TSM: No.
Desk Clerk: …and there are no more rooms.
TSM: No.
Desk Clerk: …because you see, we are at capacity.
TSM: NO.
Desk Clerk: But there are no other rooms…
TSM: Let me make this clear. We have two children, they are at camp. We never get away from them. EVER. We are now away and to put us in a room that looks like a prison cell that you reserve only for the guests you hate DOES. NOT. WORK.
*Side note: Guest in lobby are starting to look concerned…*
Desk Clerk: The only room we have available is the Executive Suite.
TSM: That sounds divine.
So Desk Clerk kindly takes us on a tour of the Executive Suite to make sure it is to our liking. Which, in fact, it was.
It looked like this:
..and this:
and this:
and with a view of a vineyard:
Now before you think I’m kidding about the first room, here is a shot from the pool area. That wall up in the corner was our “Patio area”:
That whole Bitch on Heels thing I have going in my nav bar? Pays off sometimes.
The rest of the trip was AMAZING. So romantic, so beautiful, so….to die for.
For those of you that wonder what hotel we stayed at? I won’t say. They messed up our reservations but then they took care of us which in my mind means a neutral rating…no dissing needed…or praise for that matter.
Come back next time and I’ll tell you about a very exclusive vineyard we went to where one crazy woman compared the wine to cough syrup.
Oh, I’m not kidding….
You certainly have that “intimidate the staff” thing down. Royal blood in the family, no doubt.
The Mothers last blog post..Pandora’s Legacy (NefHxMotherhood)
You know how to travel woman. Can I keep you on speed dial to do that bitch on heels thing if absolutely necessary?
the mayors last blog post..Agony At Any Age (aka Swimsuit Shopping)
Hip hip hooray. If you don’t ask for it, you’ll never get it! Girlfriend, we were born travelers. It is never hard to ask for an upgrade. The worst they can say is NO and then. . . . well, you blog about it. Here, you got what you asked for. Bravo!
The Lawyer Moms last blog post..Fashion Failures
You ROCK!
Can we do the same thing at the Sheraton in 3 weeks?
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Little Bunny Spew Spew
Love Napa!
It is so extremely crazy-busy this time of year too, which no doubt didn’t help.
But sometimes you just got put your foot–or in your case, stiletto heels–down!
Thankfully it all turned out.
Lisas last blog post..In this little Town called Harmony…
I would have raised six kinds of hell, too.
I had one of the best days ever in Napa, many many years ago
paiges last blog post..What is this funk?
Hell yeah! That’s what I’m tlaking about. It should have been Executive Suite before anything. It’s such crap that they overbook themselves and then hope no one notices. So glad you had a divine time!
So Not Mom-a-liciouss last blog post..How do you Title a post when you really aren’t talking about anything interesting?
Sounds wonderful and says something when they make it right. That is one place I have never been and top on my list when we return to States. Have a wonderful 4th of July!
Girl, I need lessons from you! I don’t know if I would have kept going after the first few “we have no more rooms” responses. Good on ya! Looks like a loverly trip–can’t wait to hear more!
Beckys last blog post..I Am, Like, Walking Around Upside Down
TSM –
So glad your trip turned out well. Napa is gorgeous! But there must be some kind of epidemic with that bait and switch thing with the hotel rooms, because the same thing happened to me and The Man on our trip,..and it got ugly. You handled the whole thing beautifully.
)
Paige
Paige Laceys last blog post..Strippers and Friends
Your trip sounds fabulous. Enjoy your time away from the kids.
The Peach Tarts last blog post..Don’t Be Lame in the Sex Game
So, if the room is problematic, THEN MAKE IT A DAMN BROOM CLOSET!
What the hell is wrong with these people?!
Amos last blog post..Jack of all trades…seriously, who am I kidding?
Yet, another example of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. Nice work!
Micheles last blog post..Friday Foodie – ziti with fresh tomato-olive sauce
I hope you left a note with instructions for upgrading in the first room for the next occupants.
The Dental Mavens last blog post..The Old "Slip and Swallow" Routine…
Oh, hellz to the NAWWWW!
Did they really think you wouldn’t notice? And the person who said “Technically, it has a patio”: did you you ask him “Technically, how’s the weather up your own ass?”
My god, that’s failing Basic Customer Service. To do that when they knew they were sold out…
Sounds about right though. No dissing, but no praise either.
And I’m so glad you did get to enjoy it!
Irish Gumbos last blog post..Leaving Burma
What hotel was that? I feel like I’ve seen it in my meeting planning days… I’m glad it worked out and you got a nice room. And I love the fact that they were waiting for you to come down and complain. I can imagine the wincing every time the elevator door opened…
Kate Coveny Hoods last blog post..Why I Hate Being a Truck Driver
I’m so glad it turned out so well. That corner up there would have freaked me out too! It sounds like you and hubby had a wonderful getaway once you put that desk clerk and lovely woman in their places that is!
Mel @ A Box of Chocolatess last blog post..Five Point Friday – Chili-Turkey Stuffed Zucchini
So glad this ended up this way. My kids get so embarrassed when I complain, but sometimes you’ve got to speak your mind!!
Maureen at IslandRoars last blog post..The Price of Perfection
Good for you! As someone who has been on both sides of this particular issue – speaking up is the only way to go!
Dana’s Brains last blog post..The Great Cake Excess of Aught Nine
My dad was always awesome about picking real doozies when we went on vacation. my mom always threatened to sleep in the car it was so bad but then dad said “you want the keys?” and she threw a rotary phone at him and it was all good again.
Glad to have you back!
They should have known not to fuck withe the Stiletto Mom. I love Napa, it sounds like you guys had a great time after you escaped the patio of death. That executive suite is awesome.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..A pregnancy update that sounds more like complaining than updating.
NICE upgrade…I am glad you got that taken care of!
Jenni Jiggetys last blog post..Happy 4th of Aloha!
The fact that they were waiting for you to come downstairs to complain kills me! And I like that she “felt bad” about giving you that room.
Glad it worked out for you in the upgraded suite!
Bobbis last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
How jealous am I? Quite jealous. No, REALLY jealous. That suite looks FAB and you got to go wine tasting too? I would settle for one or the other…
Glad you had a great time Mary Anne!
Petra aka The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..Harsh Reality (Warning: Brutally Honest and Raw)
Reminds me of that scene from the movie Falling Down . . .
D-FENS: You know the saying “The customer is always right?”
Cashier: Yeah . . .
D-FENS: Well, here I am!
You go, girl!
tysdaddys last blog post..Optimist
Damn! You know how to get service.
Melis last blog post..Spin Cycle: Without kids I would be sane
Is it ok if I hate you? Ok, I don’t. Sigh…
Out-Numbereds last blog post..My Fortress Of Solitude…
i wish i were more like you. if it were me, the convos would have gone more like this:
“um, hi. this room isn’t the right one.”
“we have no other rooms.”
“you don’t? ok, give me a refund, i’ll find one somewhere else.”
meanwhile, my hubs will march up to the desk and tear them a new one like they have never had before while i hide behind a potted plant and start rehearsing what i will tell the cops after we are arrested for assault.
bexs last blog post..FFF: Bowl Haircut
I LOVE YOU!
Bitch on Heels! Do you have a club I can join because that describes me to a T!
So glad that they took their heads out of their butts and gave you the nice digs!
Can’t wait to hear more!
Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..I Love a Parade!
Unfortunately most of the time if you want something done right, you have to be prepared to be a squeaky wheel. That’s how to get the grease, baby.
How did the popcorn work out?
Saucys last blog post..come to the concert with us too!
Sounds like almost every B&B experience I’ve ever had–you know, the pictures are all styled and you walk into the room and wonder what circle of teddy-bear hell you’ve wandered into?
I hope you got good use out of that patio with the lovely view!
Lynn @ human, beings last blog post..Wedding Planning: Accessories
Glad you put that stilletto foot down and they made it right! Cheers!
yay for the executive suite!!! rock on mama!
That was not you being bitchy at all. You were simply pointing out the error of their ways, and recommending that they rectify immediately. I see no bitchy there.
Just like how I was not bitchy to the person that ran the contest I was in, who changed the rules mid-game without notifying any of the contestants. Post forthcoming.
pamelas last blog post..there’s nothing for it
Good for you. I would have spazzed out too. Gah. Kind of like the time I rented a cabin in the Ga mountains because it has a stream behind it. My waterhose has more water coming out of it than that stream had. It totally sucked. No internet, no phone service, too hot and they were building another cabin nearby. Needless to say we left early.
It wasn’t like I could do a Steve Martin in the parking lot fit and get upgraded. I will know better next time.
Cocos last blog post..HOW WE TORTURE OUR KIDS