And This Is Why I Plan On Wiring My Mouth Shut

Great news. We survived week one of Summer.

It was a stretch. The fights started almost immediately and I have to thank none other than The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders for saving my sanity. How is this you ask? Well, because in this house we are all about the cheerleader (which, in case you have forgotten, was a place I never thought I’d find myself), we decided to take it up a notch and enroll Miss G in Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader camp.

They did save my sanity. My personal sense of self worth? Not so much.

Try feeling good about yourself in the face of this:


And this:


Now try doing it on a “fat day”. On top of that, I’d like to add that these beautiful young women appear to not perspire. At all. The room we were in was pretty hot, and I’m not sure but I think that maybe, perhaps, possibly….I experienced a tiny little hot flash because suddenly my hair frizzed, my clothes became soaked and my makeup ran down my face creating sad little puddles of color all over my boobs. I could tell you it would have run straight off to the floor if my boobs weren’t swollen too but that would be overkill. I don’t need this kind of grief in my life people.

Oh wait, did I just tell you about my swollen boobs? Sorry, that sorta slipped out. Dammit.

The best part of this entire experience (aside from the stellar performance turned in by Miss G) was that Mr. C was standing right next to me and had the exact same view. Watching him trying not to watch was hilarious. He tried. He failed. He enjoyed it almost as much as his Dad did. Chip off the old block, that one.

Here’s the worst part. Those girls? Are so nice. Had I gotten even the tiniest hint of attitude, I would have totally been able to throw out the line, “Yes, but I have a great personality!”

Which, you know, would have made me feel better for at least :15 seconds.

Oh, and all you Daddy bloggers? Whether or not you are Cowboy fans?

You’re welcome for the pictures.


  1. Amber says:

    Okay, that would be difficult sitting there watching that. I imagine that I’d be in the middle of eating a donut and the second I saw those girls I would have put it down.

    Dang those are tiny shorts. I don’t even think I could pull those up past my thighs!

    Ambers last blog post..Living with the Military

  2. Dorsey says:

    Classic! Yes, I have never had the pleasure of being that close to one of those lovely ladies. But I often wonder if THEY ever have a fat day? Better not! hehe

    Dorseys last blog post..Venting

  3. *sigh* that’s all I can say.
    And you can even see their ribs. Not in a bad way but, I mean, who has ribs that show? *sigh…again*

    So Not Mom-a-liciouss last blog post..It can all change in one post.

  4. Kathy says:

    All I can say is that cheerleader needs to eat a snadwich! Too skinny! oh and no personality! Bitch! Oos sorry that just slipped out…..:)

  5. vodkamom says:

    You are a BRAVE woman!! And a super,super mom.

  6. Maybe she’s not so smart:)

    The Peach Tarts last blog post..The Peach Tart Says No To Underwear

  7. As a sport, I’ll stick with hockey. With all that protective gear nobody looks svelte. It’s a great equalizer.

    The Dental Mavens last blog post..Take Two Aspirin And Call Somebody Else In The Morning

  8. tysdaddy says:

    Growing up, I had relatives that lived in Dallas, so I naturally became a Cowboys fan. Tom Landry and Danny White and Tony Dorsett were on my wall . . . right next to a gigantic poster of The Cheerleaders.

    Thanks for the eye candy!

    tysdaddys last blog post..Window

  9. Cameron says:

    Ahhh…I see you decided to rat out Mr. C after all. Don’t worry, a few months of therapy and he will hardly remember the betrayal. :)

    Camerons last blog post..Lucky Bastard!!

  10. I think my husband might have signed up for cheerleader camp with those um incentives.

  11. Elisa says:

    ugh, that would NOT help my self-esteem either. Look at those tiny shorts! Now I feel even fatter. *crosses “cheerleader competitions” off the list of possible summer activities*

    Elisas last blog post..Everyone is a “don’t” sometimes. Or: the one where I was in such a hurry I left all my glamour at home.

  12. Jan says:

    We’ve gotten to the age where, when Beloved sees a pro football cheerleader or a Playboy model, the only thing he can say is, “She’s just a BABY!”

    One of the many benefits of having daughters that are 17, 20 and 22.

    Jans last blog post..RTT: Domestic Toxicity

  13. Cathy says:

    Love your attitude! You must have the most well-adjusted family ever!

    Cathys last blog post..TV

  14. You know they don’t eat, right? No way to look like that and eat.

    Maureen at IslandRoars last blog post..Graduation

  15. The Mother says:

    That’s exactly the way I felt the last time we were in Vegas.

    The designer boutique that reminded me that they didn’t carry anything in “my size” was just overkill.

    The Mothers last blog post..Media Madness

  16. Something tells me thay have not carried a human beach ball in their mid-section, nor experienced milk-engorged boobs.

  17. zelzee says:

    I laughed so hard when I read this………….
    It would be a slight blow to my ego!

    When I see cute young girls I always wonder why I NEVER looked like that at that age!!

    You are my hero to be able to sit watching them, and still leave with a smile……..

    zelzees last blog post..Somedays We All Need A Little Help……

  18. If I was wearing that little. I’d be shivering in the heat too.

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..RTT: Been there, "Heard that".

  19. My underwear is bigger than those womens’ shorts. Hell, my socks are bigger than their shorts!

    foradifferentkindofgirl (fakdog)s last blog post..he’ll always be my beast of burden

  20. PAPA says:

    Yes, thank you, thank you very much. I definitely did not click on the pictures to see if they’d get bigger. ;)

    PAPAs last blog post..Sunday is Family Day. This is my Family.

  21. Kat says:

    I hope Miss G had a good time! If she did, then it was totally worth the blow to your ego ;)

    Kats last blog post..RTT-Pure Random Randomness

  22. bex says:

    but i bet they aren’t near as good at writing as you are.

    bexs last blog post..FFF: mom

  23. Bobbi says:

    I bet that was a sight to see, Mr C trying not to watch.

    Sorry, but I had to laugh out loud of the mental picture of you with makeup stained swollen boobies!

  24. tuesday says:

    Can’t you send her to cheerleader camp with like fat recreation ladies teaching it?

    tuesdays last blog post..I’m A Horrible Reality TV Viewer, Get Me Out Of Here

  25. Deemarie says:

    How can they not sweat. Is there some type of treatment program they undergo for that??

    Deemaries last blog post..I’m 17 Kinds of Special

  26. the mayor says:

    You deserve a lot of credit for being a faithful cheerleading mom. I was terrible at it and I have 5 daughters. All the waiting, spazing out about spankies and the correct color shoe laces, it’s unbearable.

    All my oldest remembers about being a cheerleader is her mother yelling at her and her cohorts to move out of the way so I could see the basketball game.

    the mayors last blog post..48 Hour Leave Of Absence

  27. Thank you. Thank you so much.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday: Fairy Sweat

  28. Dana's Brain says:

    Those pictures made me feel really bad I ate cake for breakfast this morning.

  29. Saucy says:

    Actually, they do a special surgery on those girls to take out their sweat glands. Let’s tell ourselves that.

    Saucys last blog kind of town

  30. christy says:

    Me thinks they’re not moms – not one of them. And fabulous attitude you have! I would have lied and said they were all b*tches.

    christys last blog post..Two free spa treatments a month…

  31. Casey says:

    Yeah, ok… I don’t care how nice they are, I hate them. A lot.

    Caseys last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: I’m Not Perplexed, I Just Overplucked My Eyebrows

  32. Damon says:

    It is very nice to know that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders have nice attitudes to go along with their nice bodies. Please, next time hand the camera to Mr. C to see how many pics HE will have the guts to take!

    Damons last blog post..Summer has arrived: Random Tuesday Thoughts

  33. Maria S says:

    These girls don’t know what a ravioli is – or brie – or bread – or chocolate – or any of all the other good things in life (like wine with chocolate and brie and bread). :-)
    Am I jealous? Hell, yes!

  34. DCUrbanDad says:

    They so don’t do it for me.

    DCUrbanDads last blog post..You think you can handle the truth dads?

  35. Amo says:

    Hey, how’d you get that picture of me?

    And how’d you photo shop out my fat roll?!

    Amos last blog post..Six inches lighter…and that has nothing to do with my hair color.

  36. When I was Miss G’s age, I thought all girls, including me, would grow up to have bodies like the department store manequins. Puberty, as you can imagine, was devastating.

    The Lawyer Moms last blog post..If These are "Green Shoots" I Need a Parachute

  37. Yeah…I am pretty sure my husband would like to go to cheerleading camp now.

    Jenni Jiggetys last blog post..Random Stuff For A Tuuuuuesday

  38. I love when you talk about your bubbies!

    Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..A Christmas Carol Train Tour

  39. Sam says:

    You just made me realize how happy I am to have three boys.
    Thank you.

    Sams last blog post..I’ve Only Been On The Job As The Mother Of A Teenager For One Day, And Already I’m Exhausted

  40. Jim says:

    I’m sorry, did you write something there? I was looking for the big versions of the pictures.

    Jims last blog post..The Canoe Trip

  41. Yeah – I’ve got nothin’. Thanks for the laugh though.

    Kate Coveny Hoods last blog post..Where Everybody Knows Your Name…

  42. If it’s any consolation, they don’t get to eat. A friend is married to a former DC cheerleader and she commented on her old photo that she doesn’t miss being able to eat only one Lean Cuisine and an apple a day.

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