A few weeks ago, I did a restock on my skin care and make up. In case you were wondering, I’m a Lancome girl. Bought some cleanser, little eyeshadow, blush…the usual suspects. Got a bonus bag. Bonus being the understatement of the year. In it was the most faboosh travel sized stuff, and as much as I travel…this was truly a gift from heaven.
In it was a moisturizer that I totally, head over heels, fell in love with….Secret De Vie. (note that you will need to practice saying this in your FANCIEST french accent for later…) So after scraping every last precious bit of the sample out, I decided I loved it enough to bite the bullet and off to a certain unnamed department store I went in search of the full sized product.
Stick with me now…this is going somewhere….
I had just dropped Miss G off at cheer practice and was looking less than “Stilettoish” if such a word exists. Slighty fug shirt, craptastic looking shorts and (gasp) croc flip flops. Also, you should know I had a mayonaisse stain on the shorts because I am all about the classy. I had originally gone to the store to buy a dress for a wedding this weekend and ended up spending a little more than I should have. Still feeling guilty, but totally enamored with this Secret De Vie, I headed to the cosmetic counter.
Did y’all see Pretty Woman? It was kinda like that scene where she tried to go shopping on Rodeo Drive only to be met by Marie “Snobby Salesperson #2″. In fact, the person who was “helping” me, looked just like her, only about 40 years older. With huge bi-focals. She even had a giant flower thing in her hair and the chandellier earrings. Sorta like this:
So here’s how the conversation went down:
TSM: Walks up to counter in above described fug clothes….crickets chirp.
TSM: Looks around for person to sell her something….crickets continue to chirp. Finally, “Marie” takes pity, sighs and shuffles over.
Marie: …and how can I help you dear?
TSM: I got this sample of moisturizer, it was in a ball shape? I wanted to buy some.
Marie: Oh, you are talking about Secret De Vie! Bon! (This is where the fancy French accent comes in…in Texas…and she had a twang…which makes the entire thing RIDICULOUS.)
TSM: Well, yeah, thats fancier than I could ever say it but it was in the little ball shaped thingy?
Marie: Yes, Secret De Vie….it’s French.
TSM: Ok, and it’s in a ball shaped thingy.
Marie: *le sigh*
TSM: So yeah, that’s what I want to buy.
Marie: (Beginning grand movements to remove box from counter, lots of flourishing arm waves going on….)
TSM: That sure is a big box…
Marie: Well yes, but it will last you a full year! How would you like to pay?
TSM: Um, how much is that?
Marie: $240
TSM: TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY?
Marie: It is the best, it is Secret De Vie
TSM: Is the secret that there is gold in it?
Marie: It’s an investment.
TSM: In gold? No really, Marie….
TSM: Marie? Why are you walking away from me?
TSM: MARIE??????
Shopping in a recession….good times.
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Voila une tres jolie post! Haha! Great post, so funny! Um, yeah – 240 dollars is a ridiculous amount to pay for moisturizer! Hello?!
Loukias last blog post..The finer things in life..
That is very expensive. Do they have installment payments? Layaway?How about a pay as you go? Every time you pay ten bucks, you get a small vial to last you for two weeks…
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..RTT: Is it Saturday yet?
I’ve got to admit that I was horrified when I read that you own a pair of crocs! My feet will touch no such shoe. But regular flip flops are ok.
I’m picky like that.
I love that she spoke with a French/Texan accent!
I bet she did sound ridiculous!
What store was that? I want to go in and listen to her talk in her fancy accent. And bug her a little.
Bobbis last blog post..Where The Whores Go
Y’all got to understand that when it gets hot out, we Southern ladies will go around town wearing things that we wouldn’t even answer the door in at other times of year. So, fug top, crap shorts, croc flops, IT’S THE HEAT!
And OMG that is some expensive stuff, but if it is the actual secret of vie, then I don’t think this is the time to be stingy.
Beckys last blog post..Facing My Fear, or, Childbirth is Much Worse, Right?
Solidarity, sistah! I have some Croc flip flops! Damn right I do! THOSE babies are the investment! I flap those babies into the Walgreens to invest in the store brand moisturizer. Then the only thing I have to deal with is some temp employee who can never remember what’s on sale that week and what’s not.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fakdog)s last blog post..tits list 2: bigger, badder and bouncier!
Marie, vous ete une salope!
Le Homme…je t’aime….now gimme the damn money….
I give you props for just going up to the counter.
There BETTER be gold in that for $240. Sheesh. I guess she doesn’t realize the economy is in a recession.
Ambers last blog post..The Diseased Dora
$240? Merde.
Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday: Sucka
$240 damn in this economy Marie should have slipped you a sample or two instead.
A friend of mine treated herself to a small bottle of ‘miracle oil’ from Estee Lauder which cost her £56 (I know, cheap!)
It was one of those bottles with a little dropper to dispense a small amount of oil into your hands – something her 3 year old daughter found very useful when drip drip dripping the contents of said bottle between the floorboards of her parent’s bedroom . . . .
Tara@Sticky Fingerss last blog post..Love is . . .
$240??? I’ll stick with my L’Oreal — which by the way, is made by the posers over at Lancome.
The Dental Mavens last blog post..Texas Grillin’
Envoyez-moi une partie de cela tout de suite ! Le contrôle est dans le courrier.
Did it promise to make you look 20 years younger? If so, I’ll split a bottle with you.
Micheles last blog post..I just can’t make this totally wordless.
I try to break cosmetic purchases down by a month-to-month cost, so when I pay $48, I’m figuring $4 a month to keep my skin glowing, not too shabby, but $20??? Are they kidding? I could upgrade my cable to hi-def for that!
I bet they ain’t selling much of that there Secret.
I’m using some Wal-Mart brand night creme that cost me $4 and is doing wonderful things for my *Utah is sucking the life out of me* skin!
Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..The Bachelorette…The Good, Bad & the Ugly
Wow, that DOES make the Bonus Bag an awesome Bonus then hey? Maybe you can just buy another one of those.
Keelys last blog post..Things you shouldn’t do when your girlfriend or boyfriend says "I love you" for the first time
I once got suckered into buying $180 worth of Elizabeth Arden only to get home, put it on my face and have a horrendous allergic reaction to it – I looked like I’d stuck my face in a hornets nest.
As for the Crocs – honey, I own about 15 pairs in various styles and colors. Because when you get to MY age, comfort – and coordinating with your capris because the thought of wearing shorts is laughable – is everything.
Jans last blog post..Talk is Cheap
If you think of it as an annual investment, that makes it a mere 66 cents per day to look beautiful (65.5 if it’s a leap year). Oh – never shop with me! I’m great at rationalizing stuff like that!!! (I use the calculator on my iPhone all the time. It’s how I scored my $795 leather blazer for less than $80!)
Oh, and Marie needs to get over herself. To quote Pretty Woman again “do you work on commission? Big mistake. Huge.”
Mary Annas last blog post..Meet Bernie
LOL, wow. that’s a LOT of money!!!
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!
The sad thing is, they don’t have any better stuff than the ones you can get OTC at Walgreens.
There was a book published last year about the beauty fraud. Can’t remember the name, but I’ll see if I can find it and get back to you.
The Mothers last blog post..Apples to Eyeballs
Can I take the moisturizer in to my dealership and use it as a car payment?
I just hate it when I go into a store looking eerily similar as you described and they talk to you as if they pity you. Le sigh, indeed!!
Dorseys last blog post..SO much to tell!!!
$240! Girl, you live in the land of Mary Kay, why don’t you get a miracle set? That’s how I have successfully stayed 23-ish looking. if you need some, i’ll send you some samples.
bexs last blog post..RTT: Oh just random stuff
does bon sound like bong when said with a texas accent?
I really want to hear that Texas twang French!
LMAO! Here in the sticks we just rub Vaseline on our face and call it a day.;)
Sammanthias last blog post..It Must Be Pretty Awesome Being A Kid
I think the secret is ……..they think….. you will think you look younger if you spend that much money
It might not make you look younger, but dropping that much money on it will certainly help your wallet weigh less. VOILA! The secret to weight loss!
Amos last blog post..Step-and-fetch-it.
I guess I’ll have to take out a second mortgage to afford that cream….can they promise I’ll look 20 years younger and 10 pounds thinner for that price
The Peach Tarts last blog post..Sex on a Stick or My Fantasies of Licking Daniel Craig
$240? Aucune fichue façon!!!
Hope in a Jar, sister. $38. C’est merveilleux. For reals.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..And then someone stabbed me in the stomach with a giant needle
for $240 a shirtless hunky man has to apply it on my face every night.
tuesdays last blog post..Mama Cub
Aww… oh well…. drug store here we go!
haha, that is too funny!
For $240, it better also watch my kids for two days and clean the bathroom.
Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..Sex and The Suburbs is Here!
If I were able to speak French fluently after using it, I might consider the $240 price tag. But that’s a lot of money for just a bad accent.
Staceys last blog post..Never Have I Ever #2
Merci! It just kills me when sales women treat you like the just dragged-in cat.
Forever, I have been a loyal Este’ Lauder girl because when I was in my tender teenage years, a saleswoman actually gave me the time of day, a facial, and a teen-appropriate “make-over.” Years later, I mistakenly left an envelope of cash (!) at the Este’ counter at Neiman’s and the saleswoman — her name is Lorna — tracked me down to return it. Lorna, I love you.
And Natura Bisse’? Please stop calling. I thought I was at the Kiehl’s counter when I bought your expensive anti-wrinkle cream. It was all a big mistake.
The Lawyer Moms last blog post..Summertime, and My Living is Queasy
Wow, I mean $240 is not a lot to pay when you consider that it was the Secret of Life that you would be getting! I cannot believe you didn’t appreciate this!
Snotty salespeople are so absurd. In fancy schmancy places like Beverly Hills, it’s almost always the most shabbily dressed people who are the richest, too, so it’s extra lame when they act like that. I am trying to picture a French accent via Texas.
abdpbts last blog post..Heavy Breathing And Secondary Embarrassment
Love “le sigh.”
I don’t know about the dept store stuff anymore… I’m fully brainwashed by Cindy Crawford and my Arbonne rep.
Kate Coveny Hoods last blog post..I’ve Got Disco in My Soul
Please don’t look down on me. I’m an “Oil of Olay” kind-of gal, and I’m still having a hard time with the expense of some of their varieties/formulas.
RC – Rambling Along…s last blog post..Illustrating the allergy
Well, at least she didn’t pull out the 3.4oz container. You know, the one that sells for a mere $400.
Hilarys last blog post..Democrat Cartoon
You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/06/five-star-fridays-edition-57.html
schmutzies last blog post..Grace In Small Things: Part 194 of 365
But it’s a whole year’s worth! Deal of the century if you ask me.
Jims last blog post..No Lions or Tigers, just a Bear
INVESTMENT INDEED! $240!?!? Thats in —- sane.
complicated mamas last blog post..Of Cocaine found in Red Bull drinks
The ONLY way to tell if a cream really works, is to apply it to one side of your face only…
ShoozieShoess last blog post..When the Pawpaw Hits the Fan
C’est probablement du Vaseline simple, ma cherie.
For god’s sake, who the hell can afford that???!!
Did you at least get her to give you another sample size?? Those $8 an hour wannabes treat those samples like they have to pay for them themselves!!
My luck if I went and “invested” in my beauty…I would find out I was allergic to it 2 weeks into the regimen have very expensive ball. I have been a MK user for almost 20 years…love it.
Heathers last blog post..First week of summer to brag about