Dr. Laura? Give Me A Break.
Warning: I’m about to GO OFF.
Dr. Laura, already an unpopular topic in the Stiletto House is out with a new book. “In Praise Of Stay At Home Moms”. Also, as a “special” gift to us all, she is allowing everyone to pay money to see her movie on May 5th and 6th. We will be treated to what I am sure will be heart warming stories of people paying tribute to their Mom which is a nice thing. We will also, however, be treated to her endless judgement of people who do not have the same choices in life she has….mainly the choice of whether or not to be a Stay at Home Mom.
Now before we go any further, let’s be clear. I love Stay at Home Moms, I was one for four years with Miss G, our second child. I know how hard it is. Many of my closest friends are Stay at Home Moms. I remember the endless days of thankless labor, laundry and conversations with someone who was only two feet tall and more demanding than the worst boss I ever worked for. I get it. Also? I miss it sometimes. I miss the mid-day play-dates and subsequent naps where I watched them sleep, I miss the little arts and crafts, I miss teaching them things, I miss….all of it. I would be lying if I told you I missed the sleepless nights, the tantrums and endless cleaning but that was part of the bigger picture and I understood that.
However, when my son was born, I had a really amazing job with great perks and a generous salary. To leave that job would have been financial suicide so The Man and I made a decision. One of us needed to stay home and the most logical choice at that point was him. It wasn’t an easy choice for either of us, I missed most of my son’s milestones and he gave up his career. But I was providing for our family and in turn, my husband was raising our son and we both knew this was the best answer for us and our future.
Dr. Laura, however, does not agree. A quote from her interview with the Wall Street Journal:
WSJ: Where do stay-at-home dads fit into the picture?
Dr. Schlessinger: I recommend that during the first three years, the mom should be at home because all of the research shows that the person whose body you come out of and whose breast you suck at, at that stage, really needs to be the mom — unless she’s incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial. After that, flip a coin.
Listen, there is something you should know about my breasts. They are REAL and they are FANTASTIC (well perky, supple, adequate…whatever…I’ve been waiting almost a year to throw that line out) but I’m pretty sure they aren’t the magical boobies that will render perfectly balanced children.
And also, flip a coin? Really? What about when that child is in fourth grade and starting to change into a tween with the insecurities that go with it? Is that less important? What about when the same kid is in junior high and getting exposed to things that make me shudder at the very thought? Do you flip a coin then? Did she? Because I’ve heard stories about her son that if we found ourselves in a similar situation The Man would straighten his business out with immediate haste. I’m just not even going to touch “incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial” because she has clearly gone off her rocker.
Here’s the thing. Dr. Laura discounts the role of the family as whole in my book. Some families cannot afford for one parent to stay at home. Both parents have to work to keep the ship afloat. Others, like mine, have the fortunate ability to make the choice to have one parent stay at home…in this case my husband. Decisions have to be made for the greater good of the family in the long run and that is exactly what we did.
For her to discount my husbands ability to love our children and raise them as well as I could is quite frankly an insult to both of us. I’ll go out on a limb here and say that perhaps he is the better choice of the two of us because when I was at home, I had a pretty active social life that included going out for lunches, bunco, PTA….all the things that women need to remain sane. It is, to be sure, a thankless job most days and outlets for Moms are not only needed, but necessary. He, however, is one of a very few stay at home Dads in our neighborhood and as such, he doesn’t have a whole lot to distract him during the day which means 100% of his focus goes on the kids and our home. That’s a little tough for me to beat.
Dr. Laura goes on to recount how she would get up, get her son ready for school and then head in to do her radio show. She could even make it home in time to greet her son as he returned from school and then tend to all her motherly duties of the remainder of the evening.
That’s really great and all but Dr. Laura? People pay you millions of dollars a year to shoot your mouth off and speak your mind for a few hours a day. My employers always kind of expected me to show up and give a full days work and for a whole lot less money. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say 99.9% of the population doesn’t get paid what you do to espouse your views, no matter how misguided I think they are, of reality to the American public.
My son, who I might add once again, was raised the first two and half years by my husband, is one of the most caring, sweet, loving human beings you will ever meet. I credit a lot of that to The Man. He taught him respect, hugged him constantly, did “guy” things with him. He’s a great kid and my husband deserves a ton of praise for that. There is truly something to be said for Stay At Home Dads and the fact that they are every bit as capable to be the backbone of the family. I know my husband is.
Here’s the thing, we are all in this together…this bringing up of the next generation. However you choose to do it is your choice. We all want our kids to have a better life than we did, how we get there is up to us and it’s not an easy decision. Whatever choice you make to raise your kids? I support you. Bring them up as best you can and damn anyone who judges you along the way.
Dr. Laura? You feed a bunch of guilt to a whole lot of women who believe you because of your stature and presence in the media. You make a lot of women question themselves and their situations. Women who are just trying to survive on what is surely not a seven figure annual paycheck like you enjoy.
Shame on you.
Dr. Laura is still around?
The first time I passed her book at the store, I thought, “Whoa! Dr. Laura’s rocking a new hairstyle!” and then I read the title (not because I want to read the book, I just wanted to see what she was blabbing about now), and then I saw it was called In Praise of Stay At Home Moms and seriously, my eyes rolled so hard I had a damn headache the rest of the day. This whole stay home/work outside the home mom debate? How I wish it would simply float away and never be heard from again. A mom is a mom is a mom, but more importantly, a parent is a parent is a parent. WHO CARES where we are as long as we (mother OR father) are doing right by our kids. Books like this just continue to perpetuate an unnecessary argument.
ew. as you might imagine, i hate me some dr. laura.
You are being too kind to Dr. Laura. Perhaps “Dr. Laura..Kiss My Ass!” would have been more appropriate. I’ve touched upon this issue on my blog as I’m an at-home dad, but I too have grown tired of talking about this issue. Having EITHER parent at home to keep watch is generally favorable in raising a family. Of course, this isn’t always possible, Dr. Laura. As people often tell my wife and me “Wow, I can’t imagine how you raise triplets!” We say “You do what you gotta do.” My point? You or you and your partner do what’s best at any given time to make sure everyone is taken care of….and it is YOUR business, not anyone else’s. I won’t be running to B&N to buy this book!
Dr. Laura is an arse that ought to know better. What about those of us who spent a zillion dollars and 8 to 10 years for a professional degree? Are we supposed to abandon that career?? And I guess we “flip a coin” to see which one of us abandons their career??
Laura-you’re way out of line here – a PhD in Physiology and a “certificate” in marriage, family and child counseling doesn’t exactly make you the authority on this subject.
I never pay much attention to the “gurus” – all of those famous people with MDs who start out with a small time radio show and then build a know-it-all empire based on their “expert” opinions. So I’m completely unfamiliar with all of this BS that you’ve quoted. It’s outrageous – and I would love to see you kick her ass in an actual debate on the topic.
Now I will go back to being only vaguely aware of who Dr. Laura is. She obviously isn’t worth my time.
I detest sanctimonious mothers on the radio at least as much as I detest sanctimonious mothers in person.
Butt out. Keep your opinions to yourself. And don’t tell me how to raise my kids.
That’s MY job.
Is the worst boss ever the pig effer? just checking. Going back to finish reading now.
And now I’m back.
Dr. Laura?
Also a pig fucker.
Well said. What does she really know about what a kid needs during the first three years? And, whose to say a man can not do for their kids like a woman. That crap gets on my last nerve and I am glad you went the hell off about it.
Crawling out from under my rock to say that I have never heard of Dr. Laura…but from what you’ve written, I’m not missing anything.
My husband would be so much better at this stay-at-home gig than I am…too bad I suck at working for others. Heh.
Love the red look on her. Quite becoming.
I cannot stand this woman and her views. She makes EVERYONE look bad, from the working moms to the SAHM’s. I’
m working on my own views about her, but yours are quite eloquent!
Dr. Laura exasperates me.
Did you ever see that episode of Frasier where they made fun of Dr. Laura in a very quiet way? It was AWESOME, unlike Dr. Laura of course who cannot share a hemisphere with awesome.
I can’t believe she is still around with this same old contradictory story. Maybe trying to pick up new fans that are not aware of her tainted past? And how untimely and out of touch her drivel is now with families trying to hang in there however they can financially. In her film are people praising their moms. Wasn’t hers found deceased, alone, and discovered that way after 2 months? Sorry to be blatant on here but I can’t stand the sham. Gosh, I so want to hold up a sign in front of her that says, “My kid’s better than your kid”.
yuck, Dr. Laura sucks! I love the red-eye look on the cover, and I am glad that you said something.
I try very hard to ignore her, b/c I just know she would have many, many ugly things to say about my lifestyle.
Why does motherhood and parenting have to be a competition? Why can’t we all just support each other’s choices to do what is best for our own children and stay out of everyone else’s business? That sounds like the best option to me!
Well, all I gotta say is Rock On sister!!! You see, my hubs is the stay at home parent in our house and he has done an awesome job with it and I gotta say, I don’t know how I am going to do it when he starts to work which will be next year. I am honestly freaking out! Weird huh because I’m the mom right? I mean, am I the mom? That little one over there really doesn’t look too much like me.
Dr. Laura is a liar and hypocrite. To say that I hate her stinking guts and want to stab her in both eyeballs with an ice pick would be an understatement.
I hate Dr. Laura but I think I love you.
Yes, she is a windbag for sure. But given our new situation maybe I should buy that book for my husband? A little ammunition on my side? Hmmmm…
I get so tired of all this drivel about parenting and guilt. I am Catholic. I have enough guilt to last a lifetime………..then someone like Dr. Laura comes along, and reams me out some more!
You do the best you can do raising your children………..they don’t come with instructions, you know.
I didn’t birth my children. Am I still competent to be with my children? My husband doesn’t have a uterus (pretty sure) but that doesn’t make him any less able to teach and raise our children. There are plenty of things that my husband is better at than me with regards to our children. Having bewbs doesn’t make me more patient, more kind, more creative or more fit to raise our children. If anything, they just get in the way. However, if my husband asks, it IS physically impossible for someone with ovaries to mow the lawn, okay? I’ve got him convinced it’s a medical condition.
Who the hell is Steenky Ber? No matter. She seems awesome. You should love her and be friends with her.
Does that mean our measure of a good mother is how glorious her boobage is?
It’s too bad Dr Laura can be such an abrasive turd. I used to have a painter (I am a recovering serial remodeler) who would listen to her talk show while working. Burrowed under her rigid view of the way things should be were some good principles but I spent too much time wincing at her abrupt dismissive rebukes of any alternative ideas to ever enjoy her program.
the mayors last blog post..Banking "Fun"damentals
just…wow. at one point in my life, i recommended dr. laura to friends of mine and would even listen to her at work. i guess now i’m just Invisible Mom!
darkfairymommas last blog post..For all the little angels
We must have started stopping asshats at the border, because I’m with Captain Dumbass: Dr. Laura is still around?
Keelys last blog post..Overhaul your life in 264 easy steps! …Random Tuesday Thoughts
A-frickin’-men. She is a terrible to be perpetuating this fake “Mommy wars” crap. And what’s more: I know women who have paying jobs, and I know women who are SAHMs, and everywhere in between. But I don’t know anyone who ALWAYS HAS done one thing or the other. People work, then things change, and they stay home, and then they need to work again. My first child was in full-time childcare, and my second has been home with me for 3 years. It’s a thing you do, not an identity category. I wish people like Dr. Laura would stop essentializing, like you just ARE the kind of person who works or who stays home. Blech.
Beckys last blog post..Numerous Issues
that’s it! dr. laura is on THE LIST. i hate – no, i LOATHE when people turn stay at home mom or working mom into a BATTLE. ARGH!!!!!!! there’s respect both ways.
my girlfriends who work admire me bc i am with my lunatic children all day and i admire my girlfriends who work bc i have no idea how they get it all done – especially my single friends who are parents.
dr. laura, go away.
Wow, that desperate attempt at sounding clever by throwing in some alliteration just rendered her statement more irrelevant and immaterial.
Really? Flip a coin? Incompetent mother = any father, good or bad? Really??
ShoozieShoess last blog post..DUI? Nope, DWDD
I want to punch that woman in the face. Seriously.
Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: The Princess Has Left The Building
Dr. Laura’s an asshat. I mean a judgmental asshat.
Carolyn Onlines last blog post..That Wii Fit bitch better just step off.
I absolutely HATE Dr. Laura. I have no idea how her ignorant and condescending attitude has gotten her this far.
Sad.
Sues last blog post..Flip This… The death of a fish
Doctor Laura is full of sh*t. She’s like a female Rush Limbaugh… attention whores masquerading as “experts”. They both give me a headache.
Her son, however… he’s crazy as hell and has no excuse.
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You go, girl!
I just now had time to stop by — have in Chicago reviewing the Trump Tower hotel. But we must be exchanging telepathic waves. Some woman on ABC went off on her unemployed stay-at-home husband and so I . . . went off on her.
The Lawyer Moms last blog post..Eunichasia
I really can’t believe Dr. laura is still alive and poeple are still listening to her!
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AMEN!
I’m work-at-home mom and only because i was very blessed to have a job with the possibility of working at home doing it when I had my daughter. I don’t have a choice about working or not. I’m a single mom, i have a lousy ex-husband who didn’t start paying child support until about 2 months ago (my daughter is 11), and it’s only $50 a month, and only then because he happened to get disability and it’s taken from him automatically. I’ve HAD to work for the entirety of my daughter’s life and will continue to have to work for the rest of her life … and she is a rather well adjusted, amazingly funny, wonderfully compassionate and very gifted child.
and Dr. Laura … well, she can kiss my ass.
Divine Chaoss last blog post..Random Wednesday stuff
Ummm… am I stating the obvious here… but Dr. Laura… who has been shooting her big yap off for years about this subject… has children… and a job… am I correct?
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Amen, sister! As my children were not breast fed perhaps Dr. Laura feels they would have been better cared for at the Similac bottling plant.
Christines last blog post..Mem Fox + Helen Oxenbury = I’m Headed to the Bookstore
She scares me.
You Rock! You really put Dr. Laura in her place. I agree that Stay-At-Home Moms deserve all the credit they can get, but they are not THE only choice. I’m a gay man who had custody of his daughter since she was 7 and I believe my partner and I did an excellent job of raising her. Congrats to your husband too. It sounds like you guys have it all going on in the right direction.
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I would take it one step further to include that fact that the way society lessens the importance of involved fathers actually contributes to the dead-beat dad epidemic in our country – and abroad. Children benefit hugely from loving, caring, nurturing parents, and mothers should not get the only credit for the way our kids turn out. Kudos to you for the praise you have lavished on your husband with this post. And, also? Why are mothers always given custody of the children regardless of who is better suited to raise them? Or allowed to move OUT OF STATE with their kids? Really, there is not enough credit going out to the fathers who ARE raising their children.
I agree with you and every comment out here! (Especially Steenky Ber’s. I don’t know, she just seems cool.)
If that wasn’t such a fun rant to read I would almost say, don’t waste your time on such a C-U-Next-Tuesday. Yup, I went there.
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LOL, Dr. Laura’s a twit. I can’t believe you wasted your angst on her. haha. I’ve listened to her a few times and had a good chuckle.
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Oh, man…
Great post.
My husband currently stays at home with our two sons (and my mom and mother-in-law and grandmother also babysit) and I think it’s a perfect arrangement. I was off for one year when my second son was born, and returning to work was much easier for me (and the kids!) knowing that daddy would be with them for a big part of the day.
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And things like this post is why I adore you!!!!!
XO
M
This is the first time I have been to your blog and this post has earned you a dedicated follower.
I’m sure this has been said already but Dr. Laura needs to shut up.
I had my daughter 4 months ago and coming back to work after 11 weeks was awful. Unfortunately, I don’t have the ability to stay at home and neither does my husband. Every day I leave for work I feel guilty that I can’t stay home and experience each new wonder with her. And to have Dr. Laura or anyone else for that matter tell me that I’m a bad parent because of it, is absolutely ridiculous. She needs to keep her mouth closed.
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wow. i really, really enjoyed this post. very well said.
Dr. Laura needs to re-enter the real world.