The One Where My Son Sits In The Stanley Cup

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This is The Stanley Cup.

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This is Mr. C sitting in The Stanley Cup.

The year was 1999…the Dallas Stars won The Stanley Cup in one of the longest final games in history. We had a bunch of friends over and I have no idea what time it was when the game ended…all I know is I was the only one left awake in the room and I whispered “GOAL!!!!!!” at the top of my weary lungs at which point a middle of the night party ensued.

When a team wins The Stanley Cup, each player is allowed to take the cup home or on some type of adventure for a day. I’ve heard stories of roller coasters, spaghetti feasts, all sorts of things. Brian Skrudland, who played for The Stars that year, lived two doors down and he was a total family man so he was all about bringing The Cup home. Such an amazingly nice guy, and I will always remember his little daughters swimming when it was 40 degrees outside because this whole Texas winter thing where we all sat around shivering? For them, not so much. The would literally laugh at us as they ran down the street to a friends house with a little pink towel wrapped around them. Canadians, I love ‘em.

A few weeks after the big win, were minding our own business one afternoon when he unleashed his three adorable girls on the street to tell everyone The Cup had arrived. None of us knew he was going to do this so it was pretty shocking to hear his little girls yelling, “The Cup is here! The Cup is here! Party at our house!!!!” We all ran outside to watch it being unloaded from it’s crate, complete with VERY. HEAVY. SECURITY.

Needless to say, yet another party broke out with everyone posing for pictures with The Cup. In the picture above, Mr. C was six months old and I’m going to go out on a limb to say he may never have a cooler moment in all of his sporting life. We took tons of pictures, many with me in them but if you think for one moment you are going to see a picture of me six months after having that fat baby? You….are insane.

After all the posing and cheering that went on, the men gathered to drink champagne from The Cup. That’s right…The Man has actually gotten a buzz drinking from the very Cup that about half the country is in a frenzy over right now. The party didn’t wrap up until the wee hours of the morning so when I tell you I’ve lost a lot of sleep over The Stanley Cup? I’m totally not kidding.

While The Stars rarely show up for this particular party anymore, I’m still a huge hockey fan and hope all of you that are following the final games are enjoying yourselves!

The Silence Of The Bunnies

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File this under stuff that is totally not in my job description as a Mom.

Tonight, Miss G and I were hanging out on the back porch doing the stuff we love to do. For me, this means sitting with my computer, for her it means spending time on the swings showing me all of her exciting new tricks. You can imagine my shock when suddenly I heard her screaming at the top of her lungs. I totally freaked out and raced around the corner to make sure she hadn’t broken something or fallen on her head which thankfully she had not.

What I did see stopped me dead in my tracks. Our 38 pound pug, Mr. Potter, had decided to mirror another character from a movie and go totally Hannibal Lecter on a teensy bunny in our back yard. By teensy I mean all of four inches long with big floppy ears and by moment of death I mean 15 minutes of prolonged cruelty that resulted in something that may take years of therapy to erase from my precious daughter’s head. It was so unreal that at one point I fully expected him to start talking and tell me he enjoyed the bunny with a nice chianti and some fava beans because it was just that gruesome.

It bears noting that this of course happened when The Man was not here because that is just the way it had to go down.

It also bears noting that this particular dog only moves approximately 1.5 times per day because he is not only amazingly fat, but lazy as well. This is a dog that appears to be too scared of the bigger bunnies that actually eat all of our landscaping to do anything. I’m not sure, but it seems they actually taunt him and I am not kidding when I tell you it would not shock me to see one of them crawl up on his back while he dozes in the back yard and start jumping up and down in an effort to see if he will actually move. Give him a smaller, slower moving bunny, however, and apparently it is game on.

We tried everything to make it stop. Miss G threw rocks at him while sobbing uncontrollably, I went after him with a broom yelling at the top of my lungs, “OH MY GOD….THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD!!!!” I can only imagine what on earth my neighbors thought. If you think for one moment I was going to swoop in and pick up that lump of lard mid bite, you’ve got another think coming.

Also, did you know bunnies can scream?

They can. Really loud too.

Finally, I realized I could not stop this bunny murdering pug in his thirst for blood letting in our back yard, grabbed a screaming and crying Miss G and ran inside and locked the door and then made the unfortunate choice of trying to serve her ravioli for dinner which incidentally, did not go over well for either of us after what we had just seen because as a mother, I am just that awesome and thoughtful.

After the flashback subsided from the unfortunate ravioli incident, I managed to bathe her and get her to bed….in our room of course. The dog was finally allowed back inside and he is now laying on the floor, resting from his big kill, looking like this:

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Is it just me, or does his stomach look just a little bit larger tonight?

Rest in peace bunny friend….

Amazing Fashion For Men…

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Here it is people. This? Is the hottest selling T-shirt in America right now….The Three Man Wolf Shirt. Behold it’s glory…

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This is truly the new definition of hotness in America.

Apparently, what is going on here is what went on with the famous leather pants that were all the rage on ebay in 2005. If you never read the sales description, click here now..it’s priceless.

ANYWAY.

This shirt has caused almost 400 people to post sarcastic reviews on Amazon and almost 6,000 people to read and review them. If you get a chance, go check it out, but until then, here is a sample:

“This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!).”

I had to know more about the men who would buy such a shirt so I looked into “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed…” just to get a better feel for the mindset going on with fans of that shirt because this is the way I spend my spare time. I’m going to tell you right now to swallow that coffee before going any further.

Done?

Okay good…because they also viewed these BLUE ZEBRA pants:

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…because you can never have enough animal references on your body at one time.

And because they would be wearing the ultra sexy Three Man Wolf Shirt along with the Blue Zebra pants, naturally the next thing they would look to purchase is this:

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Which makes perfect sense to me, don’t you agree?

…I only wish I was making this up.

Have a great weekend y’all…and happy shopping!

Home Improvement

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We moved into this house three years ago. I’m not sure who built it but I do know one thing about them…they liked pink. A LOT. Now, you all know how much I like pink but when it comes to walls and woodstain…not so much. It’s not like it’s PINK PINK, it’s more like the wood and the paint were beige but had undertones that turned pretty princess pink when the sun hit it.

When we moved in, I fully intended to pretty much gut the house. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great house and I love it but it’s just not me yet. As far as girls go, I’m a little weird in that there is nothing I dig more than construction. While I was off work for four years, I managed to build two houses from the ground up and decorate several others. I love it, I live for it…nothing gets me more excited than blue prints, paint chips and texture choices. Throw in some drywall and a bucket of nails and well, I can’t speak of what happens next.

I know, I’m really exciting and all.

Long story short, or short story long…whatever…I went back to work immediately after moving into this house and have spent the last three years walking around growling at all the flaws. There are many areas that I wanted to take a blow torch to but the chief offender has always been the cabinets in the family room. Every day I would look at them and wish that I could spork my eyes out so I would never have to look at them again.

Not anymore! Last week, we finally called in the professionals and started renovations.

This is what the den looked like the day “Project Pink” started:

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Here’s the offending cabinet before I put it to death:

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Can you see the pink in that wood? Also, I was so desperate to cover it up, I actually used the Thanksgiving Easter Bunny Turkey that was such a joy to create…can you see him in the shelves? Also, the Pagoda Cat House makes us “internacional” because we are all about being global.

We also did the mantle and the TV cabinet but I’ll try not to bore you with those.

Here we are midway. The cabinets were painted with an undercoat of gold first which as shocking as it was, it was better than it was the day before.

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Here’s the rest of the room, the part that caused me to go all Rain Man and start walking in concentric circles while yelling, “Five Minutes To Wapner! Five Minutes To Wapner!” because disorder in any way, shape or form causes me to go just a tiny bit crazy.

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These are the drawers that caused me to go all street rat crazy like Kate Gosslin on Saturday, minus the hair. Much like her Jon, The Man rolled his eyes a lot at my antics and was smart enough to duck when I started spontaniously throwing things in the general direction of the trash. Thankfully, he was also smart enough not to go bar hopping with any 23 year olds during my rant either. This is one of the many reasons I love him so. No drawer was allowed back into the cabinet without being totally dumped and washed. Much like Bitchmas, everyone stayed the hell out of my way. Smart, smart people.

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Also, do you know how many wires it takes to connect one TV? THIS MANY:

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The end result was worth it though. After about ten hours of trying to get our family room back in order on Saturday, it looked like this:

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And my old friend, the pink wood cabinet, looks like this:

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Not pictured: The bonfire that resulted from the burning of the Cat Pagoda.

A special shout out to The Painter Chicks who made this possible….if you are in the Frisco area, these girls are the bomb…and no, they didn’t give me a financial break to post this, I love them just that much!

Next week, we start painting the entire room. Because I know you care deeply about these things, looks like we are going with Wheat Gold with an umber glaze.

I know…YOU CARE.

Busted!

I’ll be the first to admit that I am typically the first to find themselves in an odd and slightly uncomfortable situation.    I fall out of elevators, I have been known to  make an ass out of myself in front of major movie stars, I sometimes say unfortunate things that members of senior management see when they check their facebook status.  Those are just a few of the tales I’ve shared with you.  Long story short, I usually manage to bust myself at every turn which is why I rarely try to bust on anyone else, especially in a public forum

But last week, I sort of went out on a limb with Prom-a-Palooza.

And I got busted again.

I did my due diligence,  I really did.   The friend who set me up for prom, Chris,  and I recently re-connected on facebook.   I browsed through his friend list to see if my prom date, Ben, was there.   He was not.   In fact, I hadn’t heard a peep about him in 25 years so I felt pretty safe throwing my little story of teen angst out there on my blog.

What I didn’t count on was that Chris and Ben would be sitting in Chicago together  (even though they both still live around the same area we all grew up in) some 26 years later,  waiting to go to a Cubs game.   Yeah…that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to anyone but me.    Don’t rub it in.

So here’s how the bust went down.   Chris is explaining all things facebook to Ben who had not joined at that point and had never even really looked at it.   Chris starts to scroll through and show him pictures and profiles.   It bears repeating here that Ben has not really been on facebook so the odds of him looking at it the very day I wrote about him are slim at best.   Yet there they are, scrolling through, looking at pictures of everyone they went to high school with and all of a sudden, according to Chis, Ben says, “Wait a minute!  That was a picture of me!”

Seriously?  What was the chance of that happening?   Add me into the situation and the answer is INCREDIBLY HIGH.

Needless to say, I got a message on facebook less than 10 hours after I had posted letting me know Ben had in fact seen the story I wrote.  At that point, after a minor freak out,  I had to re-read my  post to make sure I had not been a total bitch…which THANK YOU GOD,  I had not.   (Some days are better than others with my attitude, you know?)     The resulting comment flurry on my profile page was the likes of which I have never seen with several members of my high school class either taking turns laughing at me getting busted or trying to figure out which particular brand of malt liquor we drank as Seniors, because we were all classy like that.

The next morning, Chris pinged me to let me know they had died laughing over the whole thing.   They spent the day calling Ben “Internet Sensation” at which point I promptly had to inform him that I have many Canadian readers as well as a smattering from the UK and that Ben was, in fact, a “WORLDWIDE INTERNET SENSATION”.   I mean really, he should know about his *cough cough* worldwide fame at this point, right?    Chris, of course, was not going to let such an opportunity go and told me he would spend the rest of the day at Wrigley Field saying, “Hey, Worldwide Internet Sensation, can you hand me a beer?”

Sorry, Ben.  Really, my timing is almost as bad as my stalking when we were 17.   Some things never change.

Thankfully, Ben still has his sense of humor and we are now friends on facebook.   I look forward to trying to live this moment down should we ever have the class get together we are all now chatting about.

In the meantime, I’ll probably keep my mouth shut about any more dating stories…or at the very least, I won’t post them on facebook.

PS:  Jen over at Steenky Bee FINALLY got her prom pics up…um, I really don’t think you want to miss this…go there!

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