Have y’all noticed I’m loving on that saying?
It sounds impressive, no? Well, gentlemen in the house, I’m telling you to bail out right now because I’m about to talk about my girly bits. Trust me, you do not want to be here for this.
I’m waiting…..
*taps foot*
Okay good. Hopefully we are boy free with the exception of Captain Dumbass, Cameron, Clark Kent, DC Urban Dad and possibly Damon who have a habit of hanging around here on a daily basis and rarely do what I tell them to. You men have been warned. No bitching from you at the end of this post!
So here’s the deal. I’m having surgery on Thursday to get my girly bits fixed. The bits have been causing a lot of issues as of late. Now for you men that may still be hanging around, I’m not talking about the bewbs. (Thank you Domestic Chicky for coining that phrase!). I’m talking about my other girly bits. I’m talking about…
Still with me boys?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
So tomorrow, I’m going in and getting all sorts of stuff done that will fix this little problem forever. Also? I’m getting my tubes tied. I’ve struggled for years on this birth control thing. Yes, yes… I know The Man could have gotten a vascectomy.
Um yeah, not so much on that front. The Manly bits are not to be touched by surgical instruments. They are Just. That. Precious.
I’ve tried pills (can’t remember to take them), the Nuva Ring (I dare not speak the horror of the getting in and out of that thing….EWWWW) and most recently the Mirena IUD. Had I read this snippet beforehand, perhaps I would have chosen a different route:
“Irregular vaginal bleeding (e.g., spotting), cramps, headache, nausea, breast pain, acne, rash, hair loss, weight gain, or decreased interest in sex may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor promptly.”
Seriously? I’ve had all of those. The only thing saving our marriage after the Mirena is my love of The Man and his willingness to put up with a chubbier, balder, bitchier version of me. Had The Man read that little part about decreased interest in sex? He would have set fire to the damn thing. And honestly? I would have paid him to do it.
The good news is…it’s outta here. Life can return to normal.
Now, none of this is your bidness except for three things:
1.) I like to gross you out….especially you Daddy Bloggers.
2.) If any of you are ever considering the Mirena, I’d advise you to do a lot of research and talk to tons of people before making the committment.
3.) I’d like all of you to remember that if you see odd comments on your blogs over the next few days, it’s not me talking, it’s the painkillers.
Apologies in advance…this could get interesting!
{ 60 comments }
I am also considering fixing my uterus, as it might be evil, and the architect’s bits are WAY more precious. I’ll be interested in hearing about your experiences. Especially under the influence.
Good luck with the procedure
Good luck, stiletto. Hang tough and enjoy the pain meds.
Hey Stiletto, best of luck. U B Fine! Glad you’re kickin’ the drugs to the curb! See you on the other side!
Well, I wish you much luck with your uterine removal tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you.
And, when you’re all better, you can think of me as I continue to suffer perimenopause, replete with perpetual uterine cramping, bi-weekly periods that are heavier than a Mack truck, and mood swings worse than I had as a teen.
Take care.
Ew, I’m glad I didn’t get that Mirena thing after Avery was born. My doc tried to talk me into it.
Good luck with the surgery. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts.
xo
Anxiously awaiting inappropriate comments! Good luck, StilettoMom.
I’m sorry that you have to go through this! Good luck.
Three things:
1. Hope your surgery is smooth and successful.
2. I know I wasn’t supposed to read – but if Capt. Dumbass can take it, so can I.
3. Why are most men such…Wookies?! [I was emasculated - I mean, had a V - years ago. Since that time, I've had sinus headaches that were more painful.]
You’re right I’m not here today…
…actually, this is weird, not for the subject matter, but for… the timing of the subject matter. My “Lois” has the IUD (I call it IED as in Improvised Explosive Devise used in Iraq – I digress), but she also has a tilted uterus. Because it doesn’t line up with the cervix the IUD was rubbing which created an infection. One so bad it felt like she was in labor (her words and I’m not going to doubt it). This went on for a day and that night. Finally I just said we’re going. That’s when we found out about the infection. The IUD is going bye-bye too. Thank goodness she was ok, but she’s bummed because the meds prevent her from drinking. Poor girl.
So guess what’s happening to good ol’ Clark?
You’d probably never guessed I know this much did you?
Oh crud! And we’ll be praying all goes well for you. Where are my manners?
Oh, best of luck to you!! I’ll be sending good vibes your way!!
i’ll be praying for you tomorrow.
xo
If you were closer, I’d bring you dinner ( pork loin with mashed potatoes and green beans or lasagna – my two comfort offerings). Hope all goes well and you’re back on the sauce in no time.
BTW: after my one push with Thing 2, the gyn – a guy from our church – told Hubs he’d call the next week with the names and numbers of several doctors and that he highly recommended the Big V.
Almost 2 years later and I’m still popping a pill every morning. Hubs says he’s doing it this summer … Don’t believe it until I hear all the whining.
My doc tried to talk me into an IUD, specifically the Mirena, but I’d heard about some of those ghastly side effects. Also, I have a tilted uterus and I’ve heard cramps are way more intense. So, no. Just, no. I hope you have a speedy recovery and are feeling wonderful ASAP!!
I got an IUD after having the twins (damn straight – as god as my witness I will never be pregnant again! not after twins)
I do have to admit to a crazy monthly hemorrage that I call my period now – but I don’t know about the others… Couldn’t tell you about the sex drive. I lost track of that sometime around 2004. Or was it 2003… Goodness time flies!
Be good to yourself after the procedure. Everyone I know has needed a week to get back to normal. Nothing terrible – you just won’t be doing any heavy lifting.
Looking forward to the blow by blow gross out post about how they made the incision in your belly button.
Best of luck!! I hope all goes well. Sending good vibes your way.
Good luck hon! I hope the hubs appreciates your sacrifice! Like, appreciates it with jewelry.
I’m new here…Hi yall!
Can anyone tell me how painful it is to have Mirena removed???
Best wishes and give deets of everyone you encounter!
Oh dear. I wish you all the best. Tell the man that you can’t vaccuum, Dr.’s orders for up to six months. That ought to teach him for not fixing his bits. Best of luck!
I talked about my uterus last week and it didn’t chase anybody off at all.
Hope they get you the GOOD stuff. Tell em I sent you. *wink*
Best of luck with surgery tomorrow. Can I share some of your pain meds? It might means I can get my butt motivated to at least responding to the nice comments on my blog. If not that, at least they might help me sleep. Ah, sleep. I hardly knew ya…
Truly, hope all goes well.
Seriously, Mary Anne, I’ve got you in my thoughts tomorrow. But hopefully not tonight since I’d like to get laid and this subject is a bit of a downer. But tomorrow? I’m all yours!
Mwah!
Woot woot, have fun in surgery. Let me know if you need me to scrub in.
I’ve been on the Nuva Ring for years, can I blame my fat ass on that? My husband got snipped a couple of months back and it was very painless. Of course, I have PCOS so I have to stay on the ring until the end of time. I was actually considering the IUD but I’ve heard awful things.
Yay for tied tubes!
Good luck, Sweetie! I got everything tied up after baby…
Hope you feel better before anyone notices (and makes you work!)
Good luck. I hope you have some generous sick leave and you can enjoy some pain meds, some time at home surfing blogs and anything else that makes all of this worth it. Hugs to you!
My hubbs had the big v a month after my daughter was born. Then almost 10 yrs later because of PCOS, endometriosis, and adenomeiosis I ended up getting EVRYTHING of my baby makin’ bits yanked! I reacted poorly to birth control before surgery, so this was the best option. But lemme tell ya ENJOY the massaging boots while you have them – HEAVEN! And when they take you off the timer for the pain pump, WORK IT BABY!!
If I were going to be in town I’d totally come over with takeout and boring movies, since laughing too hard or crying hard could be painful. Take care gal and know your in my thoughts!
Good luck tomorrow! (Or today, rather.) Tied tubes are awesome!
Holy moly. Wishing you the best of luck. As far as the comments go, how is that any different from any other time . . .
Quick healing and good happy drugs to you. Fallopian tubes are totally overrated.
I call that IUD the Fucking Mirena. It made my life hell for 12 months and I’m still picking up the pieces. My doctor had NO IDEA that it caused IBS and weight gain. Now that it’s out, I’m working off 20 pounds @ .5 pound a week, because the Fucking Mirena fucked up my metabolism. But at least I’m not losing days of work to cramping and diarrhea anymore
.
Good luck girlfriend! Tell the Man I am here for whatever (childcare? Dinners? Carpool? Errands? Sharing your meds?… Ahem. OK, OK. Scratch the last one.) But seriously!
I had the Mirena and had to take it out because I was bleeding out – literally – about 20 days/month. Mr D not happy. Got it changed to the other one (can’t remember name of the 2nd IUD) and miracle of miracles: pains gone, bleeding COMPLETELY gone (like I haven’t had a period in a year!), mood swings gone (although that *could* be the 150mg of Zoloft I take daily).
Good luck, enjoy your meds and milk it for all that it’s worth!
Love you,
M
I was not there yesterday, but I am here today. Good luck, I will be thinking of ya.
And yes my bits will be snipped. After the all manhandling I have given them what’s a small incision going to really hurt. Bring on the peas.
I’m praying for you as I type. I’ve had my girlie bits worked on too. Not fun. Hoping for a quick procedure and a speedy recovery!!
Much love!
Hoping as easy a time as can be had for you!! I actually have the Mirena and it’s worked great for me. But, clearly everyone is different.
Hope you get some really good pain killers!
xoxo
I’ll keep you in my prayers! Save some pain meds for me as I’ll be having a similar surgery in a couple of weeks. As my man has been avoiding the “big V” for over 6 years, he was elated when I told him I needed surgery to correct a few issues and had thrown tieing my tubes in there for good measure. The things we do for love…
sorry for the slopping spelling. apparently, the pain meds have kicked in a little early.
I am sending prayers your way that your Uterus gets in order. Take care and leave all the strange comments you want on my blog. I love getting a good laugh in during the day.
i’ll be praying for your surgery to go well! and i can’t wait to see what strange comments you leave for me.
Ummm….well…yeah, how’s the weather down there lately? Good….good.
Good luck! I hope they give you really good painkillers, and remember to hold some back just in case you have a really bad headache a couple months from now, and a little Vicodin and wine will make that headache go right away!!
Mmmm painkillers.
Well I actually have thought about Mirena, so I’m glad you spoke up!! And that Nuva Ring? Please. I felt like the first time I had to take a wide stride that thing was gonna go flinging out like a ninja throwing star and decapitate one of my children. Hey, Nuva Ring people – why don’t you just suggest that we women shove battleships up our vajayjays? It would probably be more comfortable than that piece of crap.
Wow, TMI much Heather? Sorry about that. What I meant to say was, take it easy, I hope everything goes well and use those pain killers to your advantage! xoxoxo
You’re in my prayers! Good Luck!
Best wishes. And make damn sure they give you the GOOD meds.
I’m late! How are the bits? Our doctor was trying to get Supreme Leader to get the Mirena, glad she decided against it. I seem to remember she did read the side effects.
Carolyn Online and I will share your vicodin.
In exchange, I’ll buy you the next Jen Lancaster book.
deal?
hope you’re feeling ok! *hugs*
This is my first time visiting your and you’ve definitely started off with a BANG! I am, and forever will be, a fan of Stiletto Mom!
Hey, I’m a stay-at-home daddy blogger. Think this shit scares me? I’m just one of the girls. I know more about a woman’s mysterious parts than most women. I could be an OBGYN for Pete’s Sake. My wife did Mirena. I asked if she had experienced a decrease in libido and she said she had very little to begin with…ZING!
And since you’ll be needing some painkillers, make sure to ask for oxycodone. It comes highly recommended. Good luck!
I am in the midst of recovering from the surgery. So far, recovery has been as expected but slower then I would have liked.
Take the pain meds, but also the stool softener. The first bathroom visit is hard (maybe tmi, sorry).
Good luck and if you don’t know about this site, it has lots of useful information. http://www.hystersisters.com/
This is what I get for not checking my reader until today- it’s too late to wish you good luck so instead I’m going to wish your vagina a speedy recovery.
Was that too far? I hope so.;)
D’oh! I’m so sorry! That’s awful. I didn’t like the nuva ring (got pregnant on it) or the pill (kept forgetting to take it and then I had a period every week). But after the birth of my kiddo, I went on the Mirena and have really liked it. I didn’t have any of those symptoms (thank goodness) but really feel for you. I know they affect everyone differently. Good luck!
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