The Time I Met Tom Cruise…Also Know As “Why Wine Tastings Aren’t Your Friend At 22″

So a while ago (okay let’s be honest about 10 posts ago because I have been sucky about posting at best…) when I was going on and on…

and on and on…

and maybe a little bit on and on…about Jen Lancaster, I mentioned I had a run in with Tom Cruise. Thousands, Hundreds, Dozens, ONE OF YOU threatened to scour my archives to find the story. But I’ve never told you. So Bex? This one’s for you girlfriend.

The year was 1987 or 1988…all I know is Tom Cruise was in Dallas filming “Born On The Fourth Of July” and I was at a wine tasting. (Okay do the math real quick. Me? Old? Why yes, I am…)

Let’s start with the wine tasting, shall we? Now a normal person, of a certain age, would know that wine tasting is just that. A tasting. But in 1987 or so I was 22, and a wine tasting mean one thing. Wine gulping. Hell, if I was going to pay to be there and they were going to give me those tiny glasses…I was going to get my money’s worth. Period.

Yeah, okay, not smart. Go back in time and talk some smack to 22 year old me and see how far you get. Go on. I’ll wait.

Ok, back? You didn’t win because 22 year old me slurred some horrible response to you that made you go cry in the bathroom?

Yeah. I thought so.

So anyway, I was there with my boyfriends sister. It’s important to note my boyfriend at that time was named Leslie Nutt. He went by Les. Les Nutt. Nope, not kidding. Dated him for four years, thought I’d marry him, at which point I would have been Mary Anne Nutt…which in retrospect is apropos. Still, unfortunate name for him. Les? If you are reading this? Sorry I was kind of a shit back in the day, but you were too, friends? No? Well, whatever.

ANYWAY.

So his sister and I went to this wine tasting, slung back…oh…I’d say a dozen small wine glasses…and realized after embarassing ourselves that perhaps it would be a good idea to stumble across the street to Terelli’s and get some food.

You know what a bad idea after drinking too much wine at a wine tasting is? Martini’s. That’s what.

So we got to Terrellis, ordered some Italchos (crispy pizza crust covered in whatever you want…in my case, cheese, shrimp, artichoke hearts and capers…yummmm) and proceeded to drink our bowls of loud mouth soup. It was all going swimmingly until Alison looked at me and said, “Phsssssssssthhhh….don’t look now but, Tom Cruishh is is shitting right behind you…” (Authors note: he was not shitting, he was in fact SITTING but man, we were in a bad state.)

At which point, I did what any drunk 22 year old would do and I whipped around to look. By whipped, I mean I turned my head so fast I simultaneously gave myself whip lash and threw myself halfway off my chair, legs akimbo, glazed look on my face. IMPRESSIVE.

The conversation, as best I can recollect, and based on corroboration the next day from other friends who were there laughing their asses off
paying attention, went something like this:

Me: Shyou are Tom Cruishe? SHOMG…am totally freaking out jusht a shlittle bit.
Tom: Yes, I am.
Me: Whose that with you? She looks oooolllllddddd….
Tom: That would be my WIFE, Mimi. (You young ‘uns? That’s his first wife Mimi Rogers which made her about 32 or 33 at the time…which makes me an ass. Also? She had gone to the bathroom and I am eternally thankful she did not hear this exchange…)
Me: Really? Becauzzzzz she really looks oooollllldddd…
Tom: *Blank Stare*
Me: Alsho, why are you so skinnnnny?
(Authors note: He was, and? He is incredibly short. I’d take him in a cage match twice on Sunday.)
Tom: Because I’m filming a movie about a disabled war veteran and I had to lose weight for the role.
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…Wait. WHAT??? (Sort of missed the point here, in case you didn’t catch that…thought I was being charming laughing at his imagined witty commentary when in fact, I wasn’t listening and managed to disrespect the armed forces everywhere. THE SHAME.)


Me? = ASS.

Tom: Perhaps you should call a cab?
Me: Perhapsh.

So there you have it. My run in with Tom Cruise before he was all weird and stuff. The good news is, he was a nice guy, put up with me and even cared enough to remind me to call a cab.

Which I did.

Thanks, Tom.

Comments

  1. NGS says:

    Ha!! I love famous people sightings!! Especially when people are kind of silly about it.

  2. bex says:

    i am shitting in my chair laughing at your “witty commentary” and only a little drunk! (no i’m not really shitting in my chair, i only do that in the toilet, no matter how funny you are bc I am not that OLD).

    thanks for this – can i ghost your auto biography? i just want to be privy to all of your hilarious shenanigans.

  3. Beth says:

    Maybe you caused his change? No, doubt it. I’d say he missed a golden opp!

  4. Sweet tiny weird guy, THIS IS AWESOME!!

    Hilarious!

  5. paige says:

    oh how funny–why is it people like us are liquored up when we run into the famous people?? I met the current Mrs Cruise in a like state–in Savannah when she was filming with Keanu Reeves–who was way more jacked up than me. We played darts and he could not hit the dartboard.

    She was very quiet and nice and not drunk like the rest of us.

  6. It sounds like a lovely exchange, and I think you did quite well. (this coming from one wine/martini drinker to another) Perfectly acceptable!!!

    bright blessings

  7. Ally says:

    Ok. So a) that was awesome, I also am almost wetting myself laughing, but after two kids the old fashioned way, what’s so hard about that?! And b) also love famous people sightings and one day I shall have to dish on the lonnnng evening I spent with a certain chap called Hugh Gxxxx … Think four weddings and a golf tournament, only I was sober and he was plastered!!
    And c) we were all asses at that age!!

  8. Becky says:

    I just laughed so hard that I snorted. Just a shittle bit. Best. Celebrity. Sighting. Evarrrrr!!!!1

    LOL

  9. Michele says:

    Those brushes with “the famous” they can so get out of hand. I’ve had a couple of memorable ones, and when I say memorable I really mean embarrassing.

  10. Well, I guess we now know why he ditched Mimi. And what did you say to him about Nicole Kidman?

  11. That was awesome. So great, I think I’m going to go jump on my couch, and in therapy tomorrow, tell my therapist she’s wrong- that exercise and vitamins will cure me.
    Then, I’m going to eat an Almond Joy in thought of all the little Nutts that you and Les could have had.
    I think Tom Cruise has the Napoleon complex. If he lived here in Texas, he would drive a super-large truck to over-compensate for his… well, “less nut”.

  12. This makes me remember my own run in with Tom Cruise, he was promoting his movie “Far and Away” and he and his wife stopped by Disney MGM to do the star ride through Hollywood Ave. I was one of the people escorting his vehicle and he made a point to introduce himself to each one of us and talk with us. Every time I see something negative on the guy, I remember back to the nice guy I met and how nice Nicole Kidman was to us and I feel bad for both of them and the bad press they receive sometimes.

  13. so, you’re pretty much famous by proxy then.

  14. Janna says:

    Well you got the actual laugh out loud with that story! I really did LOL! You are hilarious. And yeah, he’s short, but he certainly does have a thing for tall women!

  15. OMG, that is freaking hilarious! I wish I could embarrass myself in front of a celebrity. My life is so boring.

  16. Mama Dawg says:

    Awesome story. Thanks for sharing an embarrasing story with us. I never met him, but I did meet Demi Moore once. She was nice.

  17. Kristy says:

    LMAO! You are too much!

  18. I’ve never been drunk when I’ve met a celebrity. I just cold stone sober make an ass out of myself in front of them.

  19. dagnabbit says:

    The visual you just gave me is going to be my funny movie in my head for the rest of the day. Thanks!

  20. Sasha says:

    That is the best story you’ve ever told (well one of them anyway) and I hope TC is on twitter and gets directed over to read it…

    I’m no Tom Cruise fan but I am a Mary Ann Almost Nutt fan!

  21. pamela says:

    And now you’re Mary Ann Nutless.

  22. HeatherPride says:

    So…..really when you think about it, Tom Cruise saved your life! Wow, he really IS a hero!

  23. The Mother says:

    Obviously, that was before his rant against post-partum depression. Who would be excited to meet the jerk NOW?

  24. Hilarious. Sounds like he took it pretty well. Hope you managed to get home in one piece…I had a similar run in with Stevie Wonder but was so innebriated that I couldn’t say a word. That or far too star struck. I can never work out which…

  25. zelzee says:

    I’m sure you had him at “hello”

  26. ShoozieShoes says:

    Yep, drunk would be the only condition in which I’d have the guts to actually speak to any stranger, especially a famous one…

  27. Cathy says:

    Best celebrity story ever. Wouldn’t it be nice to have this Tom back?

  28. a H.I.T. says:

    What a great story.

  29. cheryl says:

    Awww MaryAnne….Hate I missed that party. Then I remembered….I was already having babies at 22. Loved it!

  30. abdpbt says:

    Hilarious! Tom Cruise suggesting you get a cab has to go down in history as one of the all time great stories. Mimi Rogers was a lot older than he was, though–and they were both scientologists, so even if they seemed normal, they totally weren’t.

  31. Chris says:

    I’m shitting over here dying laughing. And, if I had any, I’d would’ve busted a nut when I started laughing at “Mary Anne Nutt”

  32. Dana's Brain says:

    I’m not sure what’s better – meeting Tom Cruise drunk or avoiding the last name of Nutt!!

  33. Veddy veddy interesting. My hair dresser (the one I broke up with) told me Tom Cruise was incredibly short and had a very big nose. And some other things which . . . I won’t print here.

    Next time we’re together I’ll give you the poop and tell you about my run-in with Ringo Starr. Srsly. No yolk.

  34. Meli says:

    LMAO!!! That’s a great story.

  35. I wonder if he remembers you? You should give him a call!

  36. brenda says:

    and to think YOU planted the seed that led him to precious Katie… thanks for the humor!

  37. Keely says:

    Les Nutt, hahhahahhaha!

    Tom who?

  38. At least he didn’t go off on you about why drinking is against his religion or something. I don’t think 22 year old you would have taken that well.

    Thanks for stopping by Sweet Life the other day!

  39. Jessica Bern says:

    he’s been the ass on the end of the conversation lots of time so he is not one to speak.

  40. Jessica Bern says:

    ok, I just called you an ass, change that, he’s been on the embarassing end of a conversation, that is for sure. yes, better. You know I love you.

  41. Michele says:

    I am impressed that you spoke to him. He was so adorable in Risky Business. And some other movies. Now I avoid looking at him even in People magazine. Cannot wait till one day when someone can write a tell all.

  42. ha ha ha ;-) Love it.
    Nice to see you again and omh thank you for the laughs!!!!

  43. Kat says:

    Now your 6 degrees to Kevin Bacon are considerable shortened. I am sure meeting Tom Cruise qualifies as a totally viable link.

  44. Casey says:

    Dude, I never even knew he had a first wife, barely remember his second and am not sure his third is actually human.

    I love your drunken encounter, that’s something I would have done (which is why I rarely drink anymore). At least you didn’t hit on him?

  45. tuesday says:

    I embarrassedmyself in front of Michael Impereoli from the Sopranos.
    Drinks+celebrity=not good

  46. Anna Po says:

    If it makes you feel any better…

    When I met Princess Diana, I was so drunk from necking my first ever glass of champagne that, despite being a meant-to-be-graceful ballet dancer at the school she was Patron of, I tripped right in front her and fell flat on my face. Right. In. Front. Of. Her. I then proceeded to stay there for at least 10 seconds longer than you’re meant to accidentally lie down in front or royalty before running off and hiding in the men’s loos for the rest of the evening.

    Why do these embarrassing celeb moments always involve too much alcohol??

  47. Manic Mommy says:

    Oh my gosh, that is so cool! And I’m old enough to appreciate he has been married three times.

  48. Allison says:

    The Stiletto Mom has been picked and featured as the Best of the Web on the Worthington Wire. You will see your article linked in the funnies category today.

    Feel free to grab a badge to show off that you were featured on the Worthington Wire.

    http://worthingtonwire.com/badges

    Congrats on the feature!

  49. Jen says:

    This is HILARIOUS!! I was dying at the part where you laughed at the disabled war veteran answer he gave you. Classic.

    You should definitely link post up to my celebrity encounters blog carnival.

  50. I think and know that Tom Cruise is the best actor been a fan since he started out. He is a hot man. I’m a gay guy. Knowing he is my number 1 top actor…

Trackbacks

  1. [...] I tried not to think about it for fear of freaking myself out. The days before I shoved the whole thing to the back of my mind. I’ve met a lot of really impressive people in my life. I’ve met presidents (really), CEO’s of big companies, a few best selling authors. But Hollywood? No, I’d never really met any Hollywood types (Tom Cruise excluded of course…but let’s just forget about that one…) [...]

Blog Widget by LinkWithin