And Then I Met Jen…

Have I told you how much I love Jen Lancaster? Have I? If not, let me recap. I bought “Bitter Is The New Black” the day it came out. It was a fluke, because I had never heard of her at that point. But still. Seredipity I tell you.

I had already signed up for Blissdom when I heard she was coming which makes me slightly less of a stalker…but not really. Leading up to the event, I re-read Bitter is the New Black and Bright Lights, Big Ass in TWO DAYS. I should also tell you that this came on the heels of me devouring all four Twilight books in the course of one month. The Man thought he was finally going to be able to have a conversation with me again. That is, until he saw me with my Jen Lancaster books and immediately said, “Oh God, not HER again!”. Yep….she was back with vengence in our lives.

Also, you should know that I sent her an email in advance of Blissdom. Having never sent fan mail before, I felt like a total ass but felt it was only fair to warn her that I might perhaps be a bit, JUST A TINY BIT of a full time resident of Jennsylvania and her number one fan. (Not number one fan like Stephen King’s Misery, more like I’d like to kidnap her and force her to go for mannies and peddies and then come back home, bake brownies, braid each others hair and watch American Idol….just to be clear.)

I had private coaching sessions with myself in the weeks leading up to Blissdom where I repeatedly lectured myself to maintain control. “You are not going to freak out. You are not going to make an ass of yourself. You are not going to GUSH ALL OVER HER.

Really?

OH YES I WAS.

I saw Jen the first night at the cocktail party, walked up, introduced myself and she said “Oh, you’re The Stiletto Mom? I asked someone else if they were you earlier today.”

WHAT???

Control flew out the door and I proceeded to vomit tiny pink hearts and daisies at her feet.

OhMyGod…YouWon’tBelieveThisButIReReadTheFirstTwoBooksBecause
IHadToGetInTouchWithMyInnerJenBeforeICameThereAndOMGTheyWereStill
EveryBitAsGoodMyHusbandIsAboutToKillMeBecauseITotallyStoppedTalking
ToHimDidYouLikeTwighlight?AnywayIJustWantedToIntroduceMyself
BecauseIJustLoveAllOfYourBooksAndYouAreTheEntireReasonIHaveABlog…

Deep Breath…and…

DO YOU MIND IF I HUG YOU???

Ahem.

Thankfully, she is probably one of the Nicest. People. Ever. because not only did she allow me to vault myself at her and give her a hug, she continued to talk to me for several minutes after. Seriously people? She could have been standoffish given that little stalky moment I threw out but she made me feel like I had known her forever. When someone else walked up to her she was nice enough to say “Come find me tomorrow, we’ll finish talking.”

Wait. That sounded like an invitation.

So, of course I found her. I asked for a picture with her first thing in the morning.

In the afternoon, I sat through her panel on book deals and then her keynote address which was nothing short of awesome. She listed some tenents she lives by, they were all great but my favorite by far was “Learn to embrace your failures.” Not only is this my favorite because I totally agree, but also because she is living proof that if you take the time to really examine what happened and how you played a roll in it, not only do you learn from it but you can change the course of your life by building on that knowledge. I have many failures I can wrap my arms around so I figure I’ve got a really good start on this one and plan to put it in action quickly.

No, really, I’m being serious. I am the proud owner of a truckload of FAIL, I’m hoping I may be on to something here.

After listening to her speech, I ran out to the table where they were selling books for her to autograph. Sure, this marks the fourth time I’ve bought Bitter is the New Black (twice while I was reading it because I lost one, one before leaving Dallas for her to autograph that I left behind and now this) but who’s counting? I waited in a very long line and when I finally made it up to the front, I told her that really my stalking would not be complete if I didn’t have the chance to wait in line and buy her book for the fourth time. I am serious about my stalking and I think she appreciated it because look how she signed my book…

Wait. Was that another invitation? Probably not. But why let a silly thing like a possible restraining order stop me from entertaining myself the rest of the conference? Pfft.

Later that night, after the belching incident with my tiny friend, White Trash Mom, she and I joined a table in the restaurant where Poppy Buxom, Domestic Chicky, Vintage Squirrel and of course, Jen Lancaster, were sitting. (pretty sure she knew she wasn’t gonna get away from me at this point…) I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun it was…total silliness, lots of giggling and for me, perhaps one drink too many. When it was time to call it a night (which they chose to call it a night…I chose to continue my stupidity with Tara from Ligit Amy at OutDoorDogs and Michelle from Vintage Squirrel who also chose to soldier on…) I had to start the whole unfortunate hugging thing again. What can I say, I’m a lovah. I’m not sure, BUT, I think I stepped on Jen’s toes or maybe it was Poppy Buxom…either way, probably not my proudest moment. Way to leave a mark, and by mark, I mean a possible bruise.

So there you have it, the story of how I met someone I’ve been dying to meet for several years and made a bigger fool of myself than the time I met Tom Cruise.

Yes, really.

Good thing she told us all about that “Embracing your failures” thing….looks like I’ve got something to bear hug after this conference!


38 Comments


  1. Sprite's Keeper said:

    That is a great story! And she sounds so nice! It makes me want to rip into the three books of hers I have in my to be read pile!

  2. Mo said:

    I am such a huge (HUGE!) Jen Lancaster fan. I’ve read all of her books and trek over to her site daily, so I probably would have stalked her too. I’m totally jealous that you got a picture with her and a signed book. I’m glad to hear that she’s as nice as she seems.

  3. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said:

    I say if you’re going to make an impression, make it a big and bold one, and baby, I think you did! I have been up at night in my cough medicine-induced haze on the downward spiral of reading “Such a Pretty Fat,” and I’m pretty sure I’d have been in on the stalking, too!

  4. HeatherPride said:

    AAACK!

    GAH!

    AAAAAHH!

    *faint*

  5. Peggy said:

    She seems so cool! I’ve only laughed my way through “Such A Pretty Fat” and I’m currently reading “Bitter is the New Black”…Jealous that I still get to read them for the first time?
    SO fun that you got to meet her!

  6. The Dental Maven said:

    Calling PODS right now for Failure Storage.

  7. NGS said:

    I’m so excited for you!! That sounds like so much fun!! I’m glad she lived up to your expectations and was fun and wrote such an awesome note in your book. Don’t lose this book!!

  8. Robin said:

    I am ashamed to admit I don’t know her books but now you’ve convinced me to head out to B&N and check ‘em out.
    :)

  9. MIL said:

    WHAT!!?? I haven’t heard the Tom Cruise story. Glad you got to meet Jen Lancaster, though.

  10. Beth said:

    You sound like a big ball of fun to be around! I got Jen’s books for Christmas and they are really a fun read.

  11. rachel-asouthernfairytale said:

    She really is one of the coolest chicks ever and you, you are too darling for words!
    Thanks for letting us ramble about all sorts of stuff and embarrass ourselves, because it really was just too much fun!

    Can’t wait to see you next year!

    This was a fantastic post!

  12. Poppy Buxom said:

    Hey you! I had such fun hanging out with you at Blissdom (and I think it must have been Jen’s foot you stepped on because I didn’t notice a thing, or maybe I was just too drunk at that point. Ya think?)

    I’m going to send the url to this post to Ms. Jen, because she won’t want to miss it. And she might be so busy being interviewed by the New York Times that she can’t keep up with every single person who links to her. (Check it out–she’s quoted in today’s NYT article about the new Shopaholic movie) ;-)

  13. Becky said:

    I laughed the whole time I was reading this. Sounds like a blast! And it makes me wish I had been there.

  14. Domestic Chicky said:

    You were the epitome of cool and calm - well, except for when you tried to take MY book - lol.

  15. Keely said:

    I bet you weren’t half as stalkery as you make out. I bet she was all, “Wow I actually WANT that woman to end up on my lawn!”.

    I’m an enabler, what can I say.

    I must read those books now.

  16. jen said:

    You’re welcome on my lawn any day.

  17. Mary Anne said:

    HOLY SHIT?!? That was Jen Lancaster y’all!!! WOOT!

  18. Dana's Brain said:

    Great, great story. And the autograph? Priceless!!

  19. Sarah said:

    I love her!!!!! Those book are the best and Bitter is the New Black is on my list for my next audible.com purchase : )!

    Oh and do tell the Tom Cruise story unless you have already posted about it!?

  20. Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy said:

    You are seriously giving me a complex because I want to meet people that I adore (you being one of them) and I feel this terrible knot in the pit of my stomach like I am just not cool enough and will never BE cool enough, and I am sojealousofyouIwanttothrowup…

    sigh. it’s exhausting being this neurotic.

  21. Casey said:

    Woo hooo!!! I’m so glad you got to meet Jen (sorry but I’ve never read anything by her but I promise to try to) and that she was nice to you. You don’t look like a stalker in the picture, you look like two friends at happy hour….

  22. bex said:

    the time you met tom cruise? what? i’m going to have to scour your archives for that one.

    i am jealous. wish i was there. you stalk them, i stalk you. maybe someone will stalk me, like a smelly cab driver (my usual) or alcoholic radio dj.

  23. Sammanthia said:

    Thank God for you, because I didn’t know who she was (she is pretty awesome… she was *really* nice when I interrupted her at the bar. I was mortified.), but then again I’m the one who didn’t find out until Blissdom that “Dooce” is procounced “deuce”. Not “dootchie”.

  24. Lisa said:

    I so adore Jen Lancaster. I seriously read excerpts from her books to my poor husband all the time. She rocks my world and I love her outlook on life. So glad you got to meet her and the pic is too cute!

  25. Ally B said:

    First of all, thank you SO MUCH for commenting on my post… it TOTALLY made my day slash week.

    Second, this post was amazing and SO much better than my stalker post and I take my stilettos off to you and your stalking skills.

    I am SO jealous that you got to have dinner with Jen… but I love that she had a meal with you all. She is so nice!

    All in all, I love you and your love for all things Jen.

    Oh… and we’ll have to talk about Twilight (aka the best thing to happen in my life since I learned to read).

  26. Eastcoastfan said:

    O M G!!!! I’m so happy for you… and her! You two are a force to reckon with!

  27. Gotchy said:

    My friend Julie is going to be sooo jealous!

  28. Michele said:

    Glad to hear you had a good time. And yes, I believe that whole lawn thing was an invitation to her house.

  29. Krystal said:

    Sounds like all in all it was an awesome time!!

  30. Jessica Bern said:

    Okay, wanna hear what a nerd I am? i once felt the same way when I met Judd Nelson, yup, that’s right, Judd Nelson who for some reason, unlike yours, which is an excellent one, I was obsessed over. I mean let us be real, it wasn’t like he was even a half decent actor. at least your gal is a wonderful author.

    I’m thrilled for u. Wish I could have been there

  31. Jessica said:

    I had a blast meeting Jen for the signing. She signed one for me, and one to give to my step mom. Very cool. Hope to run into her again one day…. not on the lawn of course. :)

  32. Amo said:

    Awwww….and you even sent me some linkey love.

    I absolutely laughed my ass off at this post. You, sister, totally RAWK!

    My new hero.

    Is it weird for a fellow Jen-stalker who may have made an ass out of herself to stalk another Jen-stalker? Hmmm…

    I’ll let you know what I come up with. Heh.

  33. Christina said:

    “I asked someone else if they were you earlier today” When she said that, I was seriously waiting for “And I realized she had been looking for me… When I woke up, a crowd had gathered around and they were staring at my lifeless body on the floor…” LOL

  34. blissfully caffeinated said:

    It sounds like you had a really great time, and you didn’t even scare the nice author lady. Kudos! I will definitely have to check out her books.

  35. MommyNamedApril said:

    fun story :-) i just bookmarked her site!

  36. vodkamom said:

    That is a fantastic, fantastic, fantastic story!!!!

  37. colepack said:

    sweet!
    So, have you been on her front lawn?

  38. Michelle said:

    I know I am seriously behind with respect to commenting on this particular post, not to mention I NEVER comment on posts, but I just randomly found your site (when I should be working) and you are cracking me up. Plus I grew up in Dallas. Plus this post here was the final straw…Jen Lancaster. I LOVE HER! Seriously, I totally relate!

    And I read all four Twilight books, too. Uh, to prescreen them for my pre-teen, yeah, that’s it. (I so have a crush on Edward…)

    Thanks for making me laugh!


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