There is an ice storm in Dallas today. Those of you up North can stop laughing right now. We like to freak out around here the minute it gets below freezing and rains. It’s 5:00 am right now and I’m watching the news for school closures. I get all excited every time they close the schools and start clapping my hands and jumping up and down like I’m still 10. Then I come to my senses and realize that should they close the schools, I will have to deal with my children all day while juggling conference calls and getting proposals out the door. It’s a mixed bag of emotions on days like this.
To make sure those of you up North are fully amused, let me tell you about how we handle bad weather around these parts. In an effort to convey that we take this nasty wintry mix seriously enough, the City of Dallas created“ICE FORCE ONE” which is the team they deploy in at the first sign of sleet. Should they totally eff it up, “ICE FORCE TWO” is deployed. I wonder if when “ICE FORCE TWO” is called, they laugh at the guys on “ICE FORCE ONE” for not being able to get the job done. I know I would. Also, I’d personally like to meet the guy who came up with those names and had the balls to present them to City Council.
The weather woman here is a story all by herself. She got here about a year ago with tons of buildup around her arrival. Her name is Jennifer Lopez so you can imagine the advertising campaign. Yeah, she may be Jennifer Lopez but she’s no Jenny From The Block, she was more like Jenny From The Block Party My Parents Had In 1972…which is to say, somewhat frumpy. I get the whole play on words angle they took, but really…it was a BIG stretch. I noticed (because when you are up at 5:00 am writing a post when you really really really wish you were still in bed you notice small things…wait, where was I?) that they seem to be attempting to tart her up a bit. I’ll give her some credit, with the highlights and new clothes, she now looks more like Jenny From The Block Party My Parents Had In 1983 In Honor Of My High School Graduation. Progress.
She does, however, take a back seat to the Traffic Girl who can’t seem to fit her ginormous boobs into the tiny jackets she wears because they are escaping from her bra and trying to cover her face. Ever see Tommy Boy?
Yeah, sorta like that only it’s “Big Boobs In A Little Coat….” I sit here amazed and in awe every time she turns sideways while reporting on the traffic as two watermellons fighting for control her breasts obscure entire lanes of oncoming traffic in the video behind her. I know bigger is better in Texas but really, there should be some limits people, or clothing guidelines. When those suckers make a break for it, and trust me people…they will, it’s gonna be ugly and I fear someone may be hurt.
Okay, 6:00 am now and while every school in North Texas would appear to be closed, ours is open so I’m off to rustle up two sleepy children, bundle them up tight and send them on their way.
I hope wherever you are, you stay warm today!
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