Dear Facebook, Thanks For Clearing That Up

Dear Facebook;

I’d like to thank you for clearing up something for me that has bothered me for most of my adult life. When I was 12 years old, I was in love with the coolest boy in all of junior high. He knew how to do the hustle like no ones business, he wore the shiny polyester shirts to dances….he even had the coolest hair, sorta shaggy and oh so very cool in the 70s. One fateful day, he gave me his ID bracelet to wear and asked me to go steady with him. I may have mentioned to you before, dear Facebook, that I was perhaps not what one would consider an entirely “fit” pre-teen.

Okay, okay, I was just plain and simple fat.

Ahem.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe he chose me! ME!!!! Of all people!!! He even took me to one school dance where we danced the required meter length apart with ram rod straight arms to FreeBird (let’s not talk about that awkward moment when the tempo picks up) and shook our groove thang to “I’m Your Boogie Man”. I think he even bought me a corsage.

But that could be me building all this up in my mind.

Anyway, our romance was short lived and he broke up with me two weeks into our relationship, topping my previous relationship length of ten days. As you can imagine, dear Facebook, I was pretty torn up about this. I thought once we hit the eleven day mark we were made to be together. Alas it was not to be. He went on to a much thinner girl breaking her heart in almost as many days. And then another, and another….and possibly another. We all lost count quite frankly deeming him a junior high heart breaker.

Years later, in high school, I would forgive him for casting my love aside in 7th grade and years after that I would meet up with him at our 20 year reunion only to drink what may have been one (five) too many and spend the better part of the night swapping stories about people we grew up with. I don’t think I need to tell you, dear Facebook, that the next morning I woke up with a slight major headache and a new found appreciation for a friend I had lost touch with many years ago.

In the years since, I lost touch with him again but always carried the battle scars with me of the unceremonious dumping I took at his hands. Why did he not love me then? What had I done wrong to spurn the love of my life at the age of twelve? (Ok, maybe I thought about it once….when looking through old pictures…but still, you get it, right?)

But then Facebook, you gave me the answers I had been seeking for so long when a few weeks ago he invited me to be his friend. My jaw dropped when I saw his name pop up and I immediately accepted his friend request and shot a note off to him.

    Me: WOW….it is old school week here on Facebook!!! I think I’ve connected with like 10 people in the past week or so! How are you?? I travel to your city at least once a quarter, would love to see you!!! Tell me what all has been going on with you!
    Him: Hey, would be great to see you. I had so much fun with you at the reunion!! It is old school week. This is fun. Let’s see, since reunion, I got divorced, came out of the closet, found the love of my life, lost him, and now a single guy having a blast……..in a nutshell.
    Me: WAIT…you are gay? This is why it didn’t work out for us in seventh grade!!!! And to think, I always thought it was because I was a fat ass back then. :)
    Him: Yep. Had nothing to do with your fat ass. I was busy looking at Bill’s ass. Lol
    Me: Thanks, I just threw up a little in my mouth. :)

Ok, so to be clear…the throwing up in my mouth thing has nothing to do with him being gay….because I am a card carrying supporter of all things gay…it has everything to do with the guy he was looking at because…EWWWWWW…while the dude was admittedly hot in 7th grade, he peaked right about then and is now….SUPER EWWWWWW.

It would seem that mentally, perhaps, PERHAPS….I am still in the 7th grade but we can talk about that another time, okay?

Anyway Facebook, I just wanted to thank you for connecting me with so many old friends that I shared a major portion of my life with and most especially for clearing this little bit up for me so I can, some thirty plus years later, know that it wasn’t my odd shape or my lack of dance moves that lost the junior high hottie…

He just wasn’t that into my gender.

Yours,
TSM

PS: Also, I’m going to need to ask you again to tell all those Speed Date dudes that this Mamma is not on the market. Sorry HotDaddy, SuperMike and most especially IRawkUrWurld, I know you will miss hooking up with the hotness that is middle aged me.

PSS: Anyone leaving a single anti-gay remark will be forever and ever banned by me from my site. I love this guy still…and I always will.

Comments

  1. Ellie says:

    I don’t know if reconnecting with 7th grade crushes is a reason *to* join facebook, or a reason *not* to….

  2. Lawyer Mom says:

    Great story, MA. Next time we get together, remind me to tell you about the gay fraternity in college. The clueless girls who dated those guys just thought they were remarkably chaste . . .

  3. carrie cole says:

    I have a love, hate addictive relationship with Facebook adn the Bill’s Ass comment was a riot.

  4. I have to say that I was skeptical about facebook but think it’s pretty good he he he – as your story shows!
    I got dumped by a boy in college and desperately hoped he was gay – turned out it was me, but I did find out through facebook. As long as I don’t start spending lots of time on it then it’ll be ok.
    :)

  5. I meant it was me he didn’t like – though I’m not sure why, I’m super hot and funny, so even Facebook hasn’t solved that mystery for me….:)

  6. Meli says:

    I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook. I’m glad that you guys found each other. At least you can still be friends. And admit it, you used to sneak a peek at Bill’s bum too… :)

  7. That is hilarious!

  8. I just love facebook – it makes me feel so much better about those tough high school years – all those superstars have just as much if not more aging issues as I do…

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