More Than You Ever Wanted To Know…My 100th Post

by Mary Anne on January 4, 2009

I can’t believe it’s already here…my 100th post! Being the rule breaker I normally am, I am surprised that I wanted to do the whole 100 list. I thought about it a lot and then realized I owe you guys a look into the real deal that is me. You read me, you think you know me, but you don’t really. I give you snarky looks into my thoughts, my kids, my relationship with my husband…but nothing about what makes me tick…the stuff that has happened to me in my life that makes me who I am today. I also realized that I am doing this as much for me as I am just to share with you, I needed to categorize my life into points to examine it from a distance and in doing so, appreciate every moment of it. It’s not all happy, it’s not all good…but some of it gave me such joy and love. It’s truly been a rollercoaster…so here it is…

  1. In my life, I have been bone crushing poor, fairly wealthy and now live somewhere in the middle….which is the best and most comfortable place to be. And I am thankful for every step of the way because I learned so much. I have been blessed with a family straight out of a Leave It To Beaver episode and friends that I never dreamed I would be lucky enough to find, let alone keep.
  2. I was born in Dallas more years ago than I care to mention
  3. My parents were the most happily married people I ever met.
  4. I have not one complaint about my up-bringing.
  5. My greatest success in life will be if I can be half the Mom my Mother was.
  6. I am an only child.
  7. In grade school, I was considered obese.
  8. Kids used to jump out of their chairs when I sat down like there was an earthquake.
  9. I hated most of the kids that did that until my 20th reunion.
  10. I have since forgiven because there is so much more to be worried about.
  11. In high school I was in Drill Team.
  12. I tried out for cheerleader and didn’t make it.
  13. I am now thankful for not making cheerleader because it taught me a valuable lesson in life…it won’t always go your way, no matter how much you want it.
  14. When I didn’t make cheerleader, my Mother gave me a little present to try and make me feel better.
  15. I acted like a total bitch.
  16. I wish more than anything I could take that moment back.
  17. I was not a total bitch however, to a skinny little popular girl named Lisa, who 27 years later is still one of my best friends and lives only a few streets over….because even if we don’t talk every day, it feels good to be near each other. I love you Weezie.
  18. I fell in love for the first time with a boy named John Mark Griffin. John Mark, if you were to by some odd consequence to come across my blog? Thank you for being a gentleman and never asking me to compromise my values…because I probably would have…and to this day, I hope the first love of my daughters life is as respectful as you.
  19. I went to college at Stephen F Austin in Nacodoches, Texas.
  20. I made a ton of great friends that I didn’t keep up with. I wish I had.
  21. I never finished college. I had to come home because my Father was dying.
  22. I regret not finishing college.
  23. But I don’t regret the reasons why I didn’t.
  24. My Dad died in my arms and it haunts me to this day.
  25. I never went back to college because I had to take care of my Mother.
  26. I will never regret that decision either.
  27. After my Dad died and I came home I made some VERY. BAD. DECISIONS. Not a point of my life I am proud of.
  28. My Mother fell apart when my dad died and I had to grow up and pick up the tiny little pieces left behind.
  29. I don’t regret that part either, although at the time it was….not fun.
  30. She never really bounced back even though depressed she was still the funniest person I ever met…and such a good friend.
  31. She was my very best friend of all.
  32. She introduced me to another best friend…Gretchen…who some 20 odd years later, still makes me laugh every time I talk to her…Gotchy, thank you for being a great friend and a good example to my son…I love you.
  33. I, um, shall we say “kissed a lot of frogs” in the 80′s. A LOT. Again, not proud.
  34. I dated one guy for four and a half years that was the most verbally abusive human I have ever met. After him I dated a slew of losers that made me doubt my self worth and damaged any hope I had for ever becoming successful.
  35. But then I met a guy who changed my life forever.
  36. I met my future husband in a bar. He proposed about 300 times before I accepted…and I am not kidding.
  37. I am thankful he met my Mom…because she loved him more than any guy I ever brought home before him.
  38. She died 6 weeks after we got engaged.
  39. I still lived with her because I was picking up the tiny pieces still from my Dad dying and I wasn’t home the night she had a fatal heart attack.
  40. I think if I had been home I could have saved her. I will NEVER forgive myself for that night EVER.
  41. To this day, I think it’s my fault she died…and I punish myself for it a little bit each day…so many years later.
  42. I still cry at least once a week when I think of her, almost 17 years later…that wound will never heal.
  43. I still think to this day she was waiting to make sure there was someone in the wings that would love me the way she did. Thank you Mom….he does.
  44. The Man and I got engaged six weeks after the first day we kissed…well, that and other stuff.
  45. Sometimes you know when right is right and you just go for it.
  46. We didn’t tell anyone for six months. SIX MONTHS!!!!!
  47. When The Man proposed to me formally so we could tell my Mom, he broke out in hives, even though we had been secretly engaged for six months and I’m pretty sure he knew what the answer was.
  48. We couldn’t afford an engagement ring at the time so his Mom gave us a cocktail ring his Dad gave her a long time ago when they were still married.
  49. We got married on a ski slope two years later.
  50. My entire family was late.
  51. His, was not.
  52. Thankfully so was the JP (a woman) who married us as well.
  53. After we got married, we lived in the house I had grown up in and it fell down around our ears. And by this, I mean the roof was falling in…really.
  54. He worked three jobs trying to support us while trying to literally put the roof back on the house by himself before it fell in completely.
  55. I worship him for that to this day.
  56. We finally bought our first (non falling down) house in Carrolton, Texas. It was great. And we were very proud of it.
  57. We had next door neighbors that we would sit in the front yard with and get totally smashed on Halloween…I wish I knew where they are now because they were awesome.
  58. We dreamed of starting a family but we couldn’t afford it.
  59. And then I got a job at a start up called Yahoo.
  60. My job at Yahoo came courtesy of my third best friend Traci….who has had to put up with my craziness perhaps more than all the other BFF crowd. Traci, you are my apex and I don’t have to tell you how much I love you….we say it to each other all the time, not with words but with the bond we share and the bond our children are forming.
  61. And I got pregnant.
  62. My favorite movie in the entire world is, “It’s a Wonderful Life” so when I found out I was pregnant, I came home and said, “Mr Man Lasoos Stork!” and he almost fell over.
  63. I still remember exactly where he was standing when I told him.
  64. We moved to a bigger house in Coppell, Texas a few months before Mr. C was born.
  65. We had the most awesome neighbors there as well.
  66. I went into labor with Mr. C at work and refused to leave.
  67. It was a Monday.
  68. I got home and started making a lot of noise during Monday Night Football.
  69. The Man did not like that.
  70. 21 hours later…and only two of those with drugs, Mr. C made his entry into the world…and my whole life changed.
  71. I love my son more than life itself.
  72. And my job was crazy….i traveled all the time and missed his first steps.
  73. And then I got pregnant again and quit when I was six months along and took four years off..
  74. We moved to again two weeks before Miss G was born.
  75. The house we moved into was designed from the ground up by me….architecture, knobs on cabinets….everything….and it was magnificent.
  76. I unpacked the entire house during my nesting phase.
  77. And then 9/11 happened. And the world changed.
  78. I delivered Miss G three days later on 9/14…but I had gestational diabetes and they took her away for six hours…but when they brought her to me, she looked like the most perfect girl I had ever seen.
  79. My heart split in two and I learned as much as you love the first baby, you love the second one just as much.
  80. And your husband even more than you already did.
  81. After Miss G was past her first year, I went to cooking school.
  82. Before that I couldn’t boil an egg.
  83. I am now an excellent cook when I choose to be.
  84. Miss G started pre-school and Mr. C started elementary school.
  85. I joined the PTA.
  86. That was a bad decision.
  87. After a year of listening to bickering and taking slack from a woman who wore a t-shirt to school that said “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” I actually said “Fuck y’all” and walked the hell out.
  88. Best decision I ever made.
  89. Love the women there now, I think I just lucked into an extremely dysfunctional year.
  90. We moved out of the house I built and into another one because the area we lived in was not exactly kid friendly and we found that the house, as grand as it was, no longer made us happy.
  91. Through the process of living in that grand house and then moving out of it and the speculation that went on in our neighborhood, I realized I had a fourth best friend…the fourth horseman actually…in the form of a woman named Korey who made me realize that I could balance my life and a big career because she has been the master of that for many, many years. Korey..my Korean sister…I love you and you know it.
  92. I went back to work for CBS Digital.
  93. I worked for a guy that I would kill for to this day….Chris Fix? You hear me? You gave me all of my confidence back and for that? I am forever grateful and in your debt. I mean that my friend.
  94. A couple of jobs later I am at another company whose name I will not say, but I’m happy.
  95. My children are now 10 and 7.
  96. Mr. C is the most thoughtful child I have ever met. His heart breaks at the thought of hurting someones feelings and he gives the best snuggles ever.
  97. Miss G is a life force unto itself. She is thoughtful as well, but will not think for a minute before shutting you down in the most public manner possible.
  98. The apple, it would seem, does not fall far from the tree.
  99. And I am still….almost 15 years later, married to The Man.
  100. We have had more than our fair share of ups and downs and to this day, I am so thankful for that very fateful day when I met him in a bar and acted every inch not the lady…and he fell in love with me anyway.

So to all of those that read me, first of all….THANK YOU. You have made my day as I have gotten to know all of you. My life is forever changed for having the pleasure of getting to know you, in real life or just in cyber space…I am so very thankful for each and every one of you.

And to each and every member of my family and friends, whether mentioned or not, I am the luckiest girl in the world for having the support system around me that I do…I love you all!

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{ 82 comments }

1 Casey January 4, 2009 at 9:33 pm

What a great 100th post. Congrats on making it to 100, I enjoyed reading everything about you! I’m so sorry about your mom’s quick passing. Both of your parents sound exactly like the fun/great parent I strive to be.
Like you, I was in a long relationship with a verbally abusive ahole who stripped away my self esteem and like you, my husband gave it all back to me. You’re right, when it’s right you just know it.
I would have liked to have seen you tell off the PTA moms. We’re not to that age yet but I dread the upcoming PTA days in my future. Congrats again on 100, it’s been a pleasure getting to know you!

2 paige January 4, 2009 at 9:38 pm

Great list! You are right, I would not have known all that from all my reading—I like how you organized it chronologically.

Sounds like your hard times have made you appreciate your good stuff-that is how it is supposed to be

3 Captain Dumbass January 4, 2009 at 9:50 pm

That was a great 100, one of the best I’ve read. I’d say best, but then I’d probably upset somebody else. I wish I could give you a hug for 38 to 42. I’m glad we found each other in the blogosphere.

4 foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) January 4, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Good heavens, this is an awesome list! Wow!!

I met, fell in love with, and got engaged to Tool Man within 12 weeks, and we were married less than a year after we’d met. The man, God bless him, has put up with me for 14 years, so you’re right. When you know, you know. And then you go and make awesome kids together!

When I started my blog two years ago, I did my 100 things post, like, my fourth entry! I was clueless to the rules! Ha!

5 blissfully caffeinated January 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

Dammit, Mary Anne. I’m just sitting here, trying to eat some Cookie Crisp and enjoy your 100th post and instead I end up sobbing into the milk. Your list and your journey are both inspiring. Huge hug and kiss from me.

P.S. Tell me who the bastards are that teased you in grade school and I will anonymously torment them on your behalf.

xo

6 Cameron January 4, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Congratulations on your 100th. To this day, I can honestly say that this is the only 100 list that I’ve read 1 – 100.

We all reserve a little of our real, ugly life from our blog life. It’s normal and expected. So to share some of the less pretty, happy-go-lucky stuff is even more special.

Stiletto, you are one of my favorites. You told me to blow you before anybody else did, and that’s special to me ;) You know how you look for new posts amongst about 10 or so people…well, you’re one of my 10.

Congratulations again!!

7 Momma Trish January 4, 2009 at 11:38 pm

Great post! I’m glad your life is going so well these days. Struggles of the past shape who we become, and you have certainly become a wonderful person. Your mom and dad must have been very proud of the daughter they raised. :)

I expect my J will be a lot like your Mr. C. He’s an awfully sensitive, sweet little guy. I hope he keeps that through life.

8 [email protected] Fingers January 5, 2009 at 2:40 am

Utterly rivetting.
Read every one and actually told my son to ‘hang on a minute’ when he came in asking for toast.
Well worth the hours it must have taken you to put together!

9 Jenn B. January 5, 2009 at 4:33 am

I enjoy reading your blog every chance that I get. The situations that you share on a regular basis keep me smiling and laughing along with the other loyal readers that you have!

Thanks for giving me/us a deeper look into you and what makes you tick. With this 100th post I laughed, I cried, and smiled…

Thanks again :)

10 vodkamom January 5, 2009 at 5:06 am

I loved this post. Did we already discuss the fact that we both lost our parents young? MY dad had a fatal heart attack while he and my mother were having dinner at the club. (58). And she died after a fall at her home. (48) They died on the same day- seven years apart.

crap.

11 DeeMarie January 5, 2009 at 5:20 am

Wow. What a list. You’ve really run the gamut in life. Thanks for feeling open enough to share it with us.
Happy 100th. Love you much!!!

12 ShoozieShoes January 5, 2009 at 5:25 am

My good friend’s father died of a heart attack a few weeks ago. She was there. Her husband was there. They had no idea what was going on until it was too late. He died in front of their eyes. Life is never in our control; we only think it is.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful post.
xoxoxo

13 Michele January 5, 2009 at 6:00 am

All of our life journeys make us who we are and yours made you wonderful. Great 100th post. I look forward to 100+ more.

14 Cathy January 5, 2009 at 6:47 am

Thank you so much for sharing with us. These are some powerfully moving and honest stories. I am sure that your parents were so proud of you and loved you for yourself. Hope that 2009 brings you the peace you seek, and thanks for letting your readers come along on the journey.

15 Wendy January 5, 2009 at 6:48 am

Great post – thanks for sharing all of that with us. You’ve had quite a ride, and I hope things continue to go your way this year. Congrats on reaching 100!!

16 Sprite's Keeper January 5, 2009 at 7:26 am

I read every line and now feel like I DO know you. I just want to hug you for some of them and buy you a beer for the others.
You’re awesome!

17 Jim January 5, 2009 at 7:30 am

Congrats on your 100th. That’s quite a list and quite a life you’ve had there.

Despite it’s rough spots, I’m amazed at the person that your journey has made you. I’m so glad we met via our blogs :)

Jim

18 Gotchy January 5, 2009 at 7:43 am

I am so glad our Mom’s “set us up”!
Love ya, Gotchy

19 Steenky Bee January 5, 2009 at 7:47 am

Sweetie. I know you thought long and hard about this post. It’s one of your best yet. I loved it. I read it twice. You’re remarkable and lovely. I’m so glad I found you. I count you as a friend IRL. I’m just speechless and very pensive now. You moved me to tears damn it.

20 Irish Gumbo January 5, 2009 at 7:55 am

*gulp**sniff*
(wiping keyboard, screen, dammit, NOT AGAIN)

Congrats on the 100th! That was amazing, and gives me a pretty high bar to hit when I get to that milestone. Have you heard the phrase ‘heartbreak beautiful’?

This is that. Not a list, so much as a great short story in bullet points. Sorry about your Da and Ma (hugs for ya)

And #75? I’m impressed. I am an architect, and haven’t gotten to do that yet! (cobbler’s kids have no shoes and all that…)

I bow to your magnificence! Cheers! *clink, glug, glug…*

21 [email protected] January 5, 2009 at 8:18 am

Just found you on Holly’s site :)

This was great–it had so much emotion and was so you. I feel like we are friends now! Please don’t beat yourself up about your mom. You cannot control death. You can’t.

I am so jealous you went to cooking school–I want to go so badly!

And I live in Dallas too (my husband was born here too–8th generation!)

22 Sarah January 5, 2009 at 9:14 am

That was beautiful, 100 posts or not I think it was one of the most moving I have read lately. Thanks so much for sharing! Congrats on a 100 here’s to 100 more~

23 Mary Anna January 5, 2009 at 9:15 am

Oh, what a wonderful post! Congrats on the big 100 and on having a wonderful life. I really think that it’s the downs as well as the ups that make it all good. If all we had were the ups, we’d never appreciate it.

24 Mama Dawg January 5, 2009 at 9:34 am

Happy 100th post. I love reading these.

25 HeatherPride January 5, 2009 at 10:18 am

Happy 100! One of the best 100th posts I have ever read. We have a lot in common – my parents were also the happiest married couple I knew growing up. Now that I know how hard married life can be, I appreciate them even more for it. You, however, have lived through a special kind of hell that worries me all the time. Being an only child, and losing one of your parents – I cannot imagine that. I actually often think that when my parents go, I hope they go together because as devastating as that would be for me, I cannot ever imagine one of them without the other. Pieces. Yes, you are right, there would be pieces that I would try but would not be able to pick up.

Hugs, Stiletto Mom – you are a true fighter! You deserve the best!

26 Tricia January 5, 2009 at 10:42 am

Hi! Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the girl who gets all weepy over posts like this, which is easily the best 100 list I’ve read. Congratulations on your blogging fortitude, and for living a life well-lived, with all its ups and downs.

27 bex January 5, 2009 at 11:18 am

that was a wonderful post! even though you numbered it 1-100 it read like a story, very creative. i appreciate your transparency. its like i have gotten to know you a bit better through blogging. how cool!

28 Michelle January 5, 2009 at 11:35 am

Beautiful post. Congratulations on the milestone!

29 Petra January 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Alright lady, you totally made me cry! Jerk. But, seriously, thanks for sharing that with us. You have lived an impressively full life, full of beautiful ups and devastating downs and that is what living is all about. I feel blessed to have a glimpse into it every day.

Thanks for being you and keep it coming!

30 Lawyer Mom January 5, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Whoa, girlfriend. Put a content warning up there, for God’s sake — let us know we’re all going to cry. Your best post ever, ever, ever. And PLEASE do not blame yourself for your mom. Not true, not productive, not good. No more, promise?

31 Weezie January 5, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Ok – spent all of lunch crying in my sushi! Love and think of you every day. Even knowing all 100 things, I still read the entire thing word for word. I loved and miss you mom too. She had the best sense of humor and it was a hoot to sit with her for a drink and a cigarette and listen to her talk in her crazy Wisconsin accent!

We’ve both been through some terrible things but we have always come through them together. Some of your regrets are also mine but i wouldnt change a moment for anything.

I saw miss G at school today and always have to laugh because she looks like you – sans teeth ( perhaps a glimpse of you at 80?). Keep up the good work.! I’m proud of you!

32 Kat January 5, 2009 at 12:32 pm

That journey into your life made me all sniffley and teary eyed. Wonderful 100th post! Congrats.

33 pamela from the dayton time January 5, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Wow. What a hundredth. It makes my heart sad and happy all at the same time. Why must you confuse the pregnant lady so?

34 Keely January 5, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Fantastic and poignant post, lady. I thought you were a strong one, but now I KNOW. And I think you’re cooler than ever.

35 DCD January 5, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Wonderful, wonderful 100th post, made me smile and cry.

I love that you were so honest, and in that bloggy-non-stalker way, I love you even more now!

36 shonda January 5, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Wow, you are 100% more interesting than I am.

37 Ann January 5, 2009 at 8:56 pm

You are something special Mary Anne!
Virtual hug coming way! … feel it yet?

38 Shannon January 5, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Hey there ma’am, I totally lurk over here a lot. not like stalker lot, but maybe borderline creepy mom lot. Anyshway, with all the blogs I read, I think you can get a feel for the person, but when you get to read personal info about that person, it makes it so humanizing. I think its easy to forget that the people who write the blogs we love have their good times and bad times just like we do. I am so glad to have read your 100th post. Keep em coming. I will be here, lurking as usual, lol

39 Melissa (oddharmonic) January 6, 2009 at 1:13 am

Congratulations on your 100th post!

My husband was born in Dallas more years ago than he cares to mention. He’s quite proud to tell people he was born at Baylor, though.

Where did you used to live in Carrollton? A lot of kids from our school live in the Briarwyck/Mallard Cove/Wellington Run neighborhoods, but we live in a little corner of Dallas surrounded on three sides by Carrollton.

My daughter falls between your kids in age — she’s 8 and not about to let me forget when her birthday is.

THANK YOU for sharing with us!

40 Scary Mommy January 6, 2009 at 3:50 am

That’s totally the best 100th post ever!! Loved it.

And this: “When The Man proposed to me formally so we could tell my Mom, he broke out in hives, even though we had been secretly engaged for six months and I’m pretty sure he knew what the answer was.” is the sweetest thing.

41 UptownGirl January 6, 2009 at 12:15 pm

So Great! I think i have heard most of this over many many glasses of wine but for some reason…it still made me cry!
Congrats on the 100th post!

42 Meli January 6, 2009 at 1:03 pm

I am speechless, wordless may be a better way to say it since I am writing not speaking.

That was a beautiful post. I am in awe of you. Thank you for sharing so much about yourself.

Congrats on your 100th post.

43 Becky January 6, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Wow, wonderful post! I loved getting your life story that way.

44 Vered - MomGrind January 6, 2009 at 8:51 pm

“I think if I had been home I could have saved her. I will NEVER forgive myself for that night EVER.”

If I could do just one thing tonight, I would make you stop being so unreasonably hard on yourself.

45 Ellie January 6, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Well, congrats, you! Well done!

46 Sammanthia January 6, 2009 at 10:07 pm

I loved each and every one and I’m sure it was a hard post to write. Kudos to you… you’re even more awesome than I thought.

47 Spoiled Sometimes January 7, 2009 at 4:26 am

CONGRATS! I never even thought about doing the full 100 for my 100th post, maybe when 200 rolls around I’ll add it to my to do list.

Here is to many, many more posts :)

48 thatgirl39 January 7, 2009 at 6:16 am

Loved this list! Having only read a couple of posts previously, I now feel like I have caught up in brief and can become a fully fledged regular reader! Happy 2009 to you!

49 Lisa January 7, 2009 at 6:32 am

I have read all 100 of your posts. I have loved all of them. But this one? This one made me cry. It made me laugh and it made me smile, too. I am an only child, was on drill team because I did not make it on to cheerleading, lived in Dallas most of my life and now live in Colorado. I feel for you on so many levels. I hate that you blame yourself for your Mother. Wish you wouldn’t, but that is much easier said than done. Many things in life are not within our control. Death is so very much a gigantic part of that.

I send you thoughts of peace and happiness. Thanks for sharing with us. You have a wonderful and blessed life. Keep on living it just the way you are.

Look forward to 100 more…

50 Jennifer January 7, 2009 at 7:40 am

What an amazing 100th post! Thank you for sharing that glimpse into your life. Your husband sounds like my dad, and your parent’s relationship sounds like theirs. After being married and divorced twice, I can completely appreciate what we were blessed with being raised by the Cleaver Family.

Again, thanks for sharing.

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