Where’d You Learn That Language Son?
Mr. C turned ten this week…TEN!!! How is that even possible? The Man and I were talking about his birthdays over the years and one in particular stuck out….his second…also known as the year he proved to us he could cuss like a sailor.
At the tender age of two, Mr. C had such an amazing vocabulary. He could tell us all sorts of stories, vivid descriptions of everything. But he was also a walking tape recorder at that point and we did not know it.
Every Christmas, The Man’s Mom and Step Dad come to visit us. This also coincides with Mr. C’s birthday and that of the MIL. It’s hectic and sometimes it gets a little crazy but we have a good time and celebrate their birthdays and Christmas all in one. In years going forward, the visit has become busier and crazier due to the addition of my adorable niece, nephew, and spouses as our family continues to grow. This year however, it was just The Man, Me and Mr. C spending time with Grandma and Grandpa in our home. It was lovely…very quiet and we were all enjoying ourselves and loved watching my adorable toddler rip through presents and bask in the spotlight, realizing for the first time all this fuss was about him.
So you can imagine my horror when my little angel opened up his mouth and proved that he had the biggest potty mouth in town.
The morning after Mr. C’s second birthday it was quiet enough that I could hear everything in the house. Mr. C and his Grandpa were playing with a toy from the loot he had received in another room. I’m not sure what the toy was but Mr. C was trying to figure it out, very focused and Grandpa watched silently as he concentrated. Apparently, my son could not get whatever toy it was to work and suddenly the blissful silence of the house was shattered when very loudly, Mr. C. proclaimed, “Grandpa, this goddamn toy doesn’t work..”
Five second pause.
Silence…except for the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.
Grandpa: “What did you say son?”
Mr. C: (assuming he has not spoken clearly or loudly enough) “I SAID….GRANDPA, THIS GODDAMN TOY DOESN’T WORK!!!”
OH.
MY.
GOD.
I tried to scurry under the sink to hide at this point but was not quick enough for Grandpa who came directly into the kitchen and asked if I had heard what my precious baby had just said. My eyes darted from side to side. What on earth could I say to justify this?? But then in came to me in a flash of brilliance. Goddamn is so not one of my words, it belongs exclusively to The Man. So I did what any loving wife would do, and threw him directly under the bus because he wasn’t there to defend himself. I also added that had he dropped an eff bomb, it would totally belong to me as that is my curse word of choice. And of course, I would NEVER say a word like that around my baby.
See how I did that, shifting the blame? It was awesome. It was not my fault, The Man was the bad influence and I was pretty pleased with my position of innocence.
It worked out really well for me until a year later. We had just moved into our new house and we had a dog that loved to bolt as fast as she could out the front door at every opportunity. I hated the dog but chased her down every single time anyway. Grandma and Grandpa were in town for a visit and somehow the door was left open just enough for the dog to shoot out of it and across the street. As I ran out the door, I could faintly hear Mr. C commenting on the situation.
“That fucking dog, Grandpa. That fucking dog…”
Awesome. Just effing awesome.
PS: I know I’ve been absent on a lot of your blogs this week as well as my own. Did you know Christmas is one week away? Yeah, I just figured that out a couple of days ago and have not mailed one card or purchased a single gift. The next week will be spent furiously elfing my way to the big day. I’ll post and swing by when I can….just wanted you to know I’m not rude, just the most disorganized person you may ever meet!
Classic! If I only knew how much yiddish my daughter would pick up, I still wouldn’t worry since none of her teachers know what the hell she’s saying!
Happy Ho Ho Ho to you!
Oh, I am loving Mr. C…. a little boy after my own heart. There’s nothing like a perfectly timed f-bomb appropriately describe such situations.
PS- I fully expect my child to be swearing in the womb.
My son’s cuss of choice is ‘bloody nora’ and he absolutely did not get that from me!
Did mommy teach Mr C the f-bomb?
Awwww….a boy after my own heart. Your word of choice happens to be one of my favs, too.
Oh, Mr. C….so awesome!
Hope you can accomplish some of your elfin’ goodness this weekend. I’ve missed you around the place!
Love the swearing toddler! I also had a “dammit” problem when Jake was two. He said that and “Jesus Christ!”
I know, nice.
reminds me,
my cousin once said “daddy, open the daw”.
my uncle said to his wife, “screw it. let the kid go back to sleep”
then the kid said “daddy, open up the damn daw”
at which point my uncle jumped out of bed exclaiming “thats my kid!”
but the F-bomb, thats great.
and i’m sure deep down, grandpa is very proud…
Yeah … our little guy has learned many a choice word that comes out at most inopportune moments. We usually blame it on those other little children at daycare. And of course there was that really long period when he simply mispronounced words like “truck” … that required constant explanation.
No worries about your absence. The holiday season can get hectic. See you when you’re able!
My granddaughter was watching me straight-iron my hair one morning, asking a million and one questions: “Mo-Mo, why are you straightening your hair? What’s wrong with your own hair? Is that hot? Can I touch it? Etc.” When I was trying to explain to her that it was hot and she shouldn’t touch it, I burned my hand. Before I could stop myself, I dropped the F-bomb.
Sweet little granddaughter of mine said (very seriously): “Jesus Christ, Mo-Mo. You’re not supposed to say fuck around me.”
I have no idea where she got Jesus Christ.
I always am impressed when little kids can use swear words at the approiate times like when thier god damn toy doesnt work. I mean that is just impressive. I always had to stop and not high five the kid when he would say something like that. : ) Just as long as they didnt talk that way at school or else Mommy would go to jail…at least thats what I told them anyway…
Nice work, there, preemptively taking responsibility for the Eff Bomb! We are in the walking tape recorder phase now. I am trying to not call the dog a dumbass so much.
LOL!
Love it.
H is always worried about language around Peanut, so I have to admit if she ever learns any it will probably be (inadvertently) from me. Oh well, f**k it.
I am seriously never having a child. I could never reform my language appropriately!!
Happy b-day to Mr. C (when it happens)! Our daughter is bilingual, so she drops the F-bomb in two languages. Just so neither set of grandparents is left out.
Ha Ha Ha
happy B-day.
When I was 5 I told the preacher at our church that I couldn’t find my Damn purse
My mom said she wished that the church would have opened up and swallowed her.
25 years later, they’re still telling that story.
I blame all the curse words that came out of my children mouths on their father. Now that they are adults I no longer censor my own language and when they have kids they better not effing tell me I can’t swear. LOL
See you around when you can. BTW, I haven’t bought any gifts either.
My two both learned “Damnit” and “Oh, shit” from me at a VERY young age… Can I help it if child rearing is sometimes curse word inducing???? :-X
The effing F word is my favorite, too. Did you read this?
http://daytontime.blogspot.com/2008/10/it-was-going-to-happen-sooner-or-later.html
That was truly a moment of brilliance.
Happy Birthday Mr. C!!
That’s an awesome story!
I can so see my son cussing like a sailor when he gets older. His dad swears like there is no tomorrow and then says pardon my French. I have visions of him going into his first day of Kindergarten and the teacher asking if anyone knows French. And which point my darling boy will drop an eff bomb.
Happy B-day Mr. C!
I love the F word too! So much in fact, that it often gets me into trouble! I also remember the first time my daughter asked, “Who the hell turned off the TV?”. I think she was 2. I was so proud!
Too funny!
If there’s one problem I have when it comes to correcting kid behavior it this one. I just can’t stop laughing. It’s wrong I know.
Last night Allie and an I were playing Lego Star Wars together and her character goofed or something and she let’s out, “oh jesus christ.” It was so smooth and adult in tone. When I asked her what she said she told me “Oh nothing”
Happy Birthday to Mr. C
My son’s first 2 words were shit and damn it…….. fond memories.
It puts a tear in your eye doesn’t it? It takes months to teach him the things you want him to know but only a second for a dirty word to stick.
I am a firm believer that he will be less frustrated in life than he would be if he did not have such a broad vocab.
An f-bomb here and there always makes me feel better
Aw, what an angel and oorah for the vocab…they always know just when to zing you
GL with the elfing – I have two things to get but have yet to put the boxes away or bake the first thing….tomorrow!
I got nailed for that too so I’ve had to switch to other… creative words. Granted, I did call this guy a motherf*cker in front of both boys, but in my defense, he did blow through a cross walk we were in. Had he stopped the boys would have seen something else I would have got in trouble for. And afterwards I apologized and told them daddy should never have used that word. Words.
Easily one of the funniest stories ever! Too bad he’s a “younger man” or he would be a good match for my Loopy, who has fashioned herself quite the vocabulary to be envied by pirates and sailors on leave alike.
Oh, yes… I post her photos all sunshine and light. They just aren’t closed-captioned. She’s usually decribing some a**hole unqualified teacher. Nice.
I’m still laughing.
What do you mean Christmas is next week?!?!?! I haven’t bought a thing!!!!!!!!!!!
Christmas? Whaddya talking about? Isn’t it still like October?
Aw, a very “A Christmas Story” moment. Priceless! And at least you have some killer shoes to (not) go shopping in.
KiKi gave me a well timed “sumbitch” about 2 weeks ago.
Too funny! My daughter has picked up quite a few gems, but none beat the one she got from my sister. I wrote a blog post about it a while back.
Yeah, it’s the one where she called me a “crackhead”
Gotta love that coming out of a 2 yr old’s mouth!
If here wasn’t 5 years older then my Little Man I would wonder if they were clones of eachother (Aside: the f word is my chouce curse word too – heck, my dad is a sailor and a biker. Who knew?)
It’s funny that he not only knew the curse words, but used them appropriately in a sentence. That made sense. Ahhh, the innocence of youth. And that whole shifting the blame thing? Yeah, I’m pretty good at that too. Yay! It works well.
Laughed about it then and it’s still funny! He is too precious!!
It is only a matter of time (probably once my in-laws arrive this week) that my kids will start repeating the cussing. I have tried to stop. I really have.
Have a wonderful Christmas!
Oh, nothing like a cursing toddler! I have been there, specifically when Hurricane Ike stopped by our house long enough to flood our recently finished basement and my husband could not stop dropping the F-bomb. We had some sticky situations with that word for a bit. Good times.
Have fun elfing! I’ve got to get on the ball, too!
Stiletto, I am laughing my a– off.
A little shout out for you over at my place, a little award, dahling.
I meant to add that grandpa and I were very relieved that we didn’t have to confess that he might have learned that from us.
I love it! The F-bomb is my favorite cuss word too.
I just know that when I have kids, I’m going to be in a shitpot of trouble with other parents and the schools because of my child’s potty mouth!
That is hilarious that you threw your man under the bus like that. My kid was saying something like “asshole” the other day and my mom looked at me for an explanation. I told her that’s not a word we use and if he were going to say a swear word, it would be one that was way worse. Turns out he was saying “whistle”.
oh dear! mine don’t talk yet, but i’m sure they’re soaking it all in now…
Love the post! I am dreading the day when our daughter drops an f-bomb at my in-laws house. Would not go over well with the religious set grandparents. I guess I could always say she learned it from our extensive selection of Jay-Z albums.
Hello my friend!!!!
Aww… what a sweet story. I wonder what his take would have been on retelling a bedtime story.
Priceless :->
We are in a crazy snow storm today and, luckily, our new heater was installed a week ago. Heat in a home is good. Yeah baby, good.
I hope you’re caught up with you shopping, cards, et al.
((hug))
I wondered where the fuck you were. (Love that kid of yours. LOL. )
Your Mr. C sounds like a regular Rob Blagoevich! Wonderful story!
Little ones are put on this Earth to embarrass us and make us laugh at ourselves. I always wonder why we would think that using “bad” language is only fun after a certain age!
Laughed out loud at the “fucking dog.”
When I was two I received a toy pinball machine for Christmas and while I was playing with it the cat jumped in, and I shouted “SHIT, CAT!” and cried. My parents took turns blaming each other and I’m not at all sure that the situation wasn’t at least partially behind their divorce three years later.
You know, snorting at work is not very professional and yet that is exactly the sound I made when I got to “I SAID….GRANDPA, THIS GODDAMN TOY DOESN’T WORK!!!”
So I quickly look around to make sure I wasn’t heard and then got to the ‘fucking dog.’
I now realize I should only read your blog while at home.
Happy New year!
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