Hey Honey, Whatcha Got In The Bag?

Dorsey over at Searching For My Inner Skinny is trying to help me get to the end of this NaBloPoMo mess that I’ve gotten myself into and tagged me a in meme that was just perfect for me. She challenged me to dump out the contents of my handbag and let the whole world see what a hot mess I really am.

So Dorsey, just for you…

Here is the purse I carried to Houston on Friday. It is none other than the famed Botkier bag that caused a huge fight between me and The Man. I am still right, he is still wrong….it’s shiny and I love it.

Then I dumped it out….moments after this picture was taken, the dining room table collapsed.

I can’t be sure, but I think I even saw a small field mouse scurry out from under the debris. Knowing that no human could possibly make sense of the pile of garbage that I had dragged all around greater Houston for a day, I decided to break it down into manageable piles. Field mouse excluded.

So…from the top left corner we have:

  • Not one, but two bottles of heartburn medicine
  • Two tampons (Guess how much fun The Man is having this weekend? I get all hormonal, yell at him and then belch. Lovely.)
  • All of my travel documents including a receipt for renting the filthiest car in the entire Hertz fleet (which also smelled), Southwest Airlines tickets, my Passport (not that you need one for Houston but I managed to lose my drivers license about a month ago and have been too busy to get it replaced. Plus I look like a really cool traveler when I whip it out.), and most importantly free drink tickets.
  • Car keys. Nothing exciting there.
  • .57 cents that I was too lazy to put in my….
  • Wallet which is the next item. Ask me to dump that and I’ll kill you. I have receipts older than my children lurking in there.
  • A single Red Skittle.
  • Cell phone with cheesy fake Louis Vuitton cover.
  • Blackberry…also known as my lifeline to the world. You would have to pry this from my cold dead hands before I’d give it up.
  • The price tag from when I bought this purse in September. Because I was too lazy to throw it out.
  • Tweezers. I was getting a little fuzzy so did some plucking while sitting in traffic.
  • Gigantic sunglasses so that no one recognizes me as I dash to the plane.
  • War paint. Lancome powder and two lipsticks, one is really old and is starting to smell funny. The other is about my 25th tube of Spiced Cider which is the color I have worn for years. My life will officially end when this color is discontinued. Really.
  • As the bottle says, perfume. I don’t normally carry around plastic bottles labeled with stuff in a zip lock baggie but since I was traveling I had to put all my liquids in one bag. (Also? If you are the person who was five or so in front of me who didn’t know about TSA policies regarding liquids in carry ons and held the rest of us up while you argued over what appeared to be a gallon of baby oil? I hate you.)
  • Several packs of gum. I have a small problem with chewing gum all the time. Classy.
  • The single most disgusting bag of granola I have ever tasted.

So there you have it. My purse and a glimpse into why it may not be a good idea to travel with me if you can avoid it.

I was supposed to do some other stuff but I need to go repair the dining room table before Thanksgiving gets here plus I have a general disregard for rules as you all know. If you are stuck for topics and need something to post about, consider yourself tagged and go for it. Just be sure to let me know so I can feel better, or worse, about myself when I see what you have in your bag.


  1. DCD said:

    Awesome. You should feel excellent when compared to my bag. I’m not going to dump it - I know already that mine is way worse then yours!!

  2. DCD said:


    I’m sorry - I know that is silly, but it never happens to me and, well, it doesn’t take much to get me excited.

  3. steenky bee said:

    So relieved that you’ve got tampons in there. We will always be friends. And you should know that I just laughed out loud when I saw the picture of this purse come up in my reader. I so remember that fight between you and your husband. You had the best (worst) comeback line, ever!

  4. Jim said:

    Can I have the skittle? You’re not getting heartburn from all that wine, are you?

  5. Tara said:

    Good god women, you literally take your life out with you every time you leave the house.
    But where is all the kids guff? If I emptied my bag it would contain a princess ring, a novelty key ring, a gross plastic wobbly toy thing and a car - to name just a few.

  6. Casey said:

    Holy crap that purse holds a lot of stuff! I don’t even carry one, I just keep my ID, phone, keys and credit cards in my pocket.

  7. Becky said:

    I need to check in to the Spiced Cider. Is there a magical lip color that I am missing? I am 35 years old, and I don’t think I’ve ever found the perfect lipstick. Or I did–it was Prescriptives Peach Stain, and they discontinued it after I bought one tube. I still have that tube, and I could stick a Q-tip down in there to get the last dregs out, but I’m saving it for an emergency.

  8. NGS said:

    My purse is so much worse when I travel. I’m quite impressed with how little there actually is in there!

  9. CK Lunchbox said:

    One of my rules for life… never, ever, ever look into a woman’s purse. Long story.

  10. EastCoast Fan said:

    I LOVE the Skittle- I think that was the best. I generally have at least 2 old pieces of gum stuck in misc pieces of paper I’ve wripped off from envelopes, to do lists, etc.

    I still love the bag and I love that you carry it around during the day

  11. tuesday said:

    I will not empty the contents of my purse, there is just too much crap in it. I love that bag!

  12. vodkamom said:

    I LOVE the purse thing…….but mine no LONGER requires tampons. HAHAHA. (Thanks, Dr. Cherry….)

  13. Kat said:

    ooo I like this meme…I might actually do it. Right now I actually have 3 passports in my purse. I might do this tonight since I actually need to clean it out anyway. Motivation my friend, motivation.

  14. goodfather said:

    Oooo, that purse IS shiny! I’m not a huge purse guy (not sure what that means), but I do like the shiny. I’m with CK about the ‘not looking in a woman’s purse’ thing. I think it’s a man rule.

  15. Sprite's Keeper said:

    This is supposed to make me feel better about my black hole of a purse, but somehow I just feel dread since I need to clean mine out tonight.

  16. Cyndi said:

    I’m a master at stowing my life in a bag, so it might be fun. Just be warned that my ‘purse’ is a day pack LOL No glamour, all function. I’m hoping that my kids take some of their loot out of it soon…is that a ridiculous dream or will they age out soon? Happy Sunday!

  17. Cameron said:

    That bad MUST be expandable. Does you unzip something and it turns into a suitcase, because I don’t see any way that you can get all that into that little bag.

  18. Cameron said:

    And by bad I mean bag of course.

  19. April said:

    First of all, I just love your blog. It always cracks me up. Second, that’s a lot of stuff in that purse. The purse doesn’t (from the pic) look big enough to carry all that. I may do this on mine. I should see what’s in there first.

  20. DeeMarie said:

    You are a better woman than I (like there was a question anyway)… If I were to show my purse in its current state, I would lose any follower I have… it’s frightening right now.

  21. lisa said:

    Do NOT let that field mouse near your botkier. It will have the same fate my poor Hayden Harnett did a couple weeks ago, and with PMS bearing down on you…you will lose it.

    Also, my bag which was molested by the mouse is exactly the same color. Don’t you love it? So neutral, but still interesting.

  22. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said:

    except for the very cosmopolitan passport and the blackberry, I think our purse contents are about the same. seriously, my bag is atrociously heavy, to the point where a it trumps the cliche of having a heavy purse!

  23. Captain Dumbass said:

    I did one of these when I was still working and carried my man bag, or murse. Wow. You carry a lot of stuff.

  24. Magic Mom said:

    I traded in my purse for the Diaper Bag with this second child. I’m quite sure I have more crap in there than he does. It’s just a bigger, pit of disaster. So, I have an iPhone and missed the whole Blackberry thing, but can’t you use it like a cell phone? Or do you need both? Color me confused. ;)

  25. bex said:

    how did that skittle get away from you?

    the contents of your purse, despite the tampons, are very sophisticated! i’ll do this meme on my blog in a day or two.

  26. Keely said:

    I am not dumping the contents of my juvenile SkunkFunk bag out no matter who asks me. I might if I had one to show off like yours.

    Also, love the skittle.

  27. anita doberman said:

    Sometimes I find old skittles and M&M’s in my bag - just a couple..and I eat them
    My purse is a a mess - yours isn’t bad :)

  28. Mary Anna said:

    I lovingly refer to my purses as “Mary Poppins.” I carry a fantastic Skip*Hop backpack diaper bag most of the time, but I love carrying a real purse.

    I covet my denim Coach and a black leather Michael Kors. The both go with everything and hold tons (TONS) of stuff. When anyone picks one up, they freak out!

    I did list off the stuff in my purse once when I was working (and I carried my very own purse every day!). Contents included a diaper, clip-on hair (oh yes!), $1.76 in loose change, several kids’ toys, receipts for my expense report, 2 breath mints (which get really hard after a while - I actually tried to eat one!) and a ball of Saran wrap from a brownie one day at lunch that gave me the heebs every time I touched it (the ball of Saran, not the brownie!).

  29. carrie said:

    If anyone asked, yes you tagged me. I need something for NappyBlowMe and at this point I will take anything. Not that there is anything wrong with it but……………
    I have the exact same wallet.

  30. Beth said:

    The single red Skiddle says it all for me. Too yummy to throw out yet too gross to eat. I have an orange one at the bottom of my purse!

  31. MommyNamedApril said:

    “I get all hormonal, yell at him and then belch.” still SO much better than the spitting.

  32. Michele said:

    Of all the things in your purse the drink tickets are the most important. I’m not the best flier in the world so those babies would have been spent ASAP.

  33. Dorsey said:

    I think you did excellent, even if your didn’t have a tiny lipstick disguise vibe hiding in there! hehehe

    Thanks for playing along!! =)

  34. mommypie said:

    I’m seriously impressed you got ALL THAT in that bag. THAT’s talent.

  35. Braja said:

    Bag? You need a suitcase, woman…on wheels…

  36. Krystal said:

    Love the bag!! jheck, mine is a free baby bag that I got at the hospital. Hubby refuses to buy me another purse!!! Ugh!!! and I cannot sneak myself one because he looks at all the credit cards and bank accounts - heck, I might be a book keeper but I ‘m not going to be held responsible for screwing up the family finances - it is easier to blame the screw ups on him!

  37. Lawyer Mom said:

    Umm, Stiletto, I think you hid the broken cookie in there — on purpose, I’ll just bet. And not to get too far off topic, but take your social security card when you go to DPS to get your replacement license. I learned this the hard way, the very hard way.

  38. Meli said:

    Wow! Your purse is in far better shape than mine. I tried to clean mine out tonight (you inspired me) but I had to stop when I started pulling out candy canes from last Christmas. :)

  39. Sasha said:

    I have a bag that Veto hates. When I feel like I want a new bag, I start to carry it again…. next thing you know, baby’s got a brand new bag. Literally.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong> Line breaks are automatic.