Hey Honey, Whatcha Got In The Bag?

Dorsey over at Searching For My Inner Skinny is trying to help me get to the end of this NaBloPoMo mess that I’ve gotten myself into and tagged me a in meme that was just perfect for me. She challenged me to dump out the contents of my handbag and let the whole world see what a hot mess I really am.

So Dorsey, just for you…

Here is the purse I carried to Houston on Friday. It is none other than the famed Botkier bag that caused a huge fight between me and The Man. I am still right, he is still wrong….it’s shiny and I love it.

Then I dumped it out….moments after this picture was taken, the dining room table collapsed.

I can’t be sure, but I think I even saw a small field mouse scurry out from under the debris. Knowing that no human could possibly make sense of the pile of garbage that I had dragged all around greater Houston for a day, I decided to break it down into manageable piles. Field mouse excluded.

So…from the top left corner we have:

• Not one, but two bottles of heartburn medicine
• Two tampons (Guess how much fun The Man is having this weekend? I get all hormonal, yell at him and then belch. Lovely.)
• All of my travel documents including a receipt for renting the filthiest car in the entire Hertz fleet (which also smelled), Southwest Airlines tickets, my Passport (not that you need one for Houston but I managed to lose my drivers license about a month ago and have been too busy to get it replaced. Plus I look like a really cool traveler when I whip it out.), and most importantly free drink tickets.
• Car keys. Nothing exciting there.
• .57 cents that I was too lazy to put in my….
• Wallet which is the next item. Ask me to dump that and I’ll kill you. I have receipts older than my children lurking in there.
• A single Red Skittle.
• Cell phone with cheesy fake Louis Vuitton cover.
• Blackberry…also known as my lifeline to the world. You would have to pry this from my cold dead hands before I’d give it up.
• The price tag from when I bought this purse in September. Because I was too lazy to throw it out.
• Tweezers. I was getting a little fuzzy so did some plucking while sitting in traffic.
• Gigantic sunglasses so that no one recognizes me as I dash to the plane.
• War paint. Lancome powder and two lipsticks, one is really old and is starting to smell funny. The other is about my 25th tube of Spiced Cider which is the color I have worn for years. My life will officially end when this color is discontinued. Really.
• As the bottle says, perfume. I don’t normally carry around plastic bottles labeled with stuff in a zip lock baggie but since I was traveling I had to put all my liquids in one bag. (Also? If you are the person who was five or so in front of me who didn’t know about TSA policies regarding liquids in carry ons and held the rest of us up while you argued over what appeared to be a gallon of baby oil? I hate you.)
• Several packs of gum. I have a small problem with chewing gum all the time. Classy.
• The single most disgusting bag of granola I have ever tasted.

So there you have it. My purse and a glimpse into why it may not be a good idea to travel with me if you can avoid it.

I was supposed to do some other stuff but I need to go repair the dining room table before Thanksgiving gets here plus I have a general disregard for rules as you all know. If you are stuck for topics and need something to post about, consider yourself tagged and go for it. Just be sure to let me know so I can feel better, or worse, about myself when I see what you have in your bag.