It’s Saturday in Texas and you know what that means!!! It’s time to fire up the big hair, bust out the sparkle tee and take the Stiletto Mom show on the road to another cheer competition! Today I’ll be shaking my pom poms and ringing my cowbell (yes, really) in Fort Worth, Texas as Miss G takes the stage in front of what should be thousands of crazy cheer parents. Last time was my first competition and I didn’t realize it but people dress up for these things. I am not kidding people, I’m talking blinged out T-shirts and belts that LIGHT UP. Sometimes on people who should probably consider not lighting up their mid section. The parents on my kids team are NORMAL (thank you God!!!). They dress with team spirit and everything, but lights and over the top bling? Not so much.
Y’all know how I am though…I need to sink to the lowest common denominator in any given situation. So I went out and bought this. I hope the normal people that comprise our conservative, yet spirity, but still non-neon-lit up parents on our cheer squad will still sit with me…what do you think?
The thing is, when I tried it on all the leaves fell off the trees, the wind began to howl, small animals covered their eyes with their tiny paws and ran for protection and The Man said, “Damn baby, you might be too old for that outfit…but save it for later tonight and we’ll give it a test run.” Hey, it came with stilettos…so I figured it was worth a try. Who knew middle aged wasn’t the new 16? Pffft!!!
Thank God we joined the team we did and I don’t have to show up looking like this…I’d hate to cause the hysterical blindness I’ve seen a few of the other teams cheer moms cause.
Update: She did it! Miss G was one of those crazy fliers way up at the top of a moving pyramid….she stayed up the entire time and looked like she was having the time of her life! I, on the other hand, aged approximately 10 years during her teams three minute routine. Why don’t they serve martini’s at these things anyway?!?
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Those would be JR’s exact words. It must be a guy thing. Those shoes beat my black high-top converse hands down.
The stilettos should go with a lot of things. You can get those separately, right?
Supreme Leader couldn’t walk in stiletto’s, but where’d you get the outfit?
Have a great day in Cowtown! Good luck Miss G! Those cowboys would have loved your outfit – hell so would some of your neighbors, you would have made them jealous! Just catchin’ up – can you tell!
That’s one crazy ass outfit.
I’ll be rocking the hoody and my new Pumas at the boy’s basketball game today, but now you’ve got me wanting to big up my hair and slap on the glitter.
welll it is the thought that counts huh?
Good luck to Miss G!! And have fun at the competition. I want a cowbell!
Wow. That is . . . something. I like how they’ve managed to combine the stiletto with the classic jack purcell all stars.
i would be soooo out of my league at a cheerleader thingy. I have knocked over an entire row or girls trying to to the team-spirit dance thingy.
“Cowbell” reminds me of that SNL skit w/Christopher Walken. “I need more cowbell!” LOL
Good luck to Mess G! Maybe you could just wear the shoes with your spirit track suit?
Damnit…I was gonna make the SNL cowbell snark, DCD, watch out!! Hey…awesome outfit, I’m sure the wind and leaves and animals were just awestruck. Does Miss G get all, “Mom, yer embarrassing me.”? Because if she does, it’s just jealousy
At least your husband had a reasonably decent reaction. Mine would have laughed outright at me. I’m sure you looked adorable. And you’ll fit right in with your pom poms and cowbell. (I had no idea parents dressed up for these things. Good to know.)
I picked up a pair of thigh-high knit socks at the Tarzhay yesterday, and it seems those dowdy things were *just* the thing.
Weird.
I’d try the cheerleader get-up if they had it in maternity sizes.
Needs more cowbell…best SNL line ever.
I gotta tell you, you’re gonna want that cowbell. Also, is that a slutty woman dressed as a cheerleader, or a woman dressed as a smutty cheerleader. I bet you have had your fill if hairspray, glitter and the phrase “Ready? OK!”
Time for you to suit-up with a hip flask full of “Mommies Juice Box” ;->
Well if you aged 10 years watching her routine, think of how much you’d age her if you actually wore that oufit?
Not to mention how much you’d ‘age’ any teen boys at the event. Rowr.
MORE COWBELL!
Dear Stilletto Mom,
You are the winner of my blog draw for the adoption of Esther, the retired candy girl teddy bear. She really needs a good new home and Loopy and I can tell that if she comes to live with you, she will never have a dull moment! My email address is on the sidebar of my blog so shoot me your mailing address and Esther can pack her things.
Lurrve, Saucy
i was going to say “MORE COWBELL” but that would be lame since i’m a day late and like 23 other people already said it. hmpf :-/
All the 26 years I lived in Texas I found blinging out your clothes completely normal. And now that I live in a ‘burb of NYC I understand how Texans get such bad raps. No worries, I keep it real. Complete with orange rhinestone shirts blazoned with \Longhorns.