Premature Ornamentation

Two weeks ago I went to the mall while Miss G was at cheer practice and saw the most amazing thing ever. So amazing that I had to go back some two weeks later and take pictures to share with all of you. Now, before I get into it, let’s really define what two weeks ago means. I saw this for the first time on October 14th which in and of itself is not significant other than the fact it is too many days before Halloween and WAY too many days before Thanksgiving. Two holidays which I believe deserve their own attention.

Apparently not.

On October 14th, I walked into the mall and saw this:

I think I actually said “Oh. Hell. No.” out loud because the slack jawed man standing next to me said “Looks like a Hell Yes to me.”.

I love Christmas, I really do but I think it needs to know it’s place which is BEHIND HALLOWEEN AND THANKSGIVING.

I’m not ready to hear Christmas carols and I know they are just around the corner too. I understand we are in a recession (or not depending on who you listen to….I personally AM in a recession) and they need to boost holiday sales but I don’t think acing out two other holidays is the way to do it either. Additionally, I would like to think the least amount possible about how much money I’ll have to spend at the holidays this year rather than start hyper-ventilating about it in October.

Also? That globe thing? Is that some type of hyperbolic chamber for Santa? Is he suffering from some illness I’m not aware of? Or is this some type of a play on that Boy in the Bubble movie with John Travolata from years ago? I think my children would fear going into what looks to be an oxygen chamber with a person they don’t know, even if it is Santa Claus.

Santa rules the roost of the holiday peeps but being the magnanamous guy he is he needs to not steal the thunder of The Great Pumpkin and Turkey Day. No matter how much I love him, everyone needs to know their place and his place is NOT YET no matter how cool of a guy he is.

I hope this doesn’t put me on the “bad” list…though there is so much else that would qualify me for that distinguished honor this year, I guess I shouldn’t sweat this one too much.

Premature Ornamentation is so much like a another certain phrase that starts with the word premature. Lots of excitement leading up to it, and then a finish that disappoints because you were expecting to get your stocking stuffed and all you got was a lump of coal. Just sayin’.

Comments

  1. Keely says:

    *sigh* This is why I do all my xmas shopping online now.

    Hey, am I first? Go me!

  2. Momma Trish says:

    J wanted to see the Halloween display at the department store on the weekend. We were saddened to note that it had been replaced with the Christmas display. THE WEEKEND BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!! We have no idea what people could possibly be thinking. Soon, they’ll just leave the Christmas display up all year long.

    I was wondering what that globe thing was too. Cinderella’s coach? A budget replica of the Taj Mahal? I know! It’s a giant Harley helmet! Perhaps it will all become clear when Santa comes. You know … in a couple of days.

  3. I can’t speak for the mall I work in because I so rarely ever go out into it, but I don’t think the Christmas stuff is up yet. However, it will be next week, I’m sure. In September, we put out the holiday wrap and boxes of greeting cards in the bookstore. Like you, I muttered a very loud, “Oh HELL no!”

  4. Word.

    Two houses near us have Xmas lights up already. IT’S NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN. Calm yourselves. That’s the sign I feel like creating and putting up their yards.

    Those decorations in the mall on Oct. 14th are ridiculous.

    And I love it when you rant! Go, Stiletto Mom, go!

  5. goodfather says:

    Ha ha! Wow, that puts a whole new spin on stocking stuffer metaphors. Ahem. And yeah, I’m totally with you. Costco as all (and I mean ALL) of their Christmas stuff out. It’s not even Halloween yet.

  6. Dorsey says:

    The hubby and I go round and round (jokingly of course) about this very subject!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Thanksgiving and wait to put out ANY Christmas decorations until at LEAST the first weekend in December. When driving around in November and seeing people with lights up, the comment “Oh look honey! Thanksgiving lights! All pretty and green!!” is something often heard coming for the cab of our vehicle. hehehe

    When I worked at Macy’s last year we were getting out Christmas decorations an having to put together displays in SEPTEMBER!! My husband giggled at the fact that it drove me SO insane to seemingly be a “part of it all”!

  7. CK Lunchbox says:

    Good lord, No! Every year they add a week to when they throw up the lights and Santa. My mom hated this so much we weren’t allowed to even mention Christmas until the 2nd week of Dec. We used to have christmas music on an 8-track that we made the mistake of playing the day after Thanksgiving. Mom was like, “get that sh*t out of there!

  8. Jim says:

    While not first, I am here before Jen…thpppt.

    I can’t stand how they keep moving X-mas marketing forward every damn year. Pretty soon I’ll be able to hear “Frosty the Snowman” at the beach. We need to start a ‘push back X-mas’ campaign.

  9. jenni says:

    A hyperbolic chamber! That totally explains why he never ages. Brilliant!

  10. bex says:

    Is there a rx for premature ornamentation? oh wait, I think that’s only if you get them up.

  11. bex says:

    what i meant to say – even though its not funny now – Is there a rx for premature ornamentation? oh wait, I think that’s only if you can’t get them up.

  12. Laufa says:

    We have to large hyperbolic chambers for our Santa in one and the elves and Mrs. Clause in the other. It’s also outside, so they have to heat these things. It looks like giant igloos, maybe that is what your mall was trying to do. I would be the most clausterphobic Santa Clause ever at your mall!!! Good luck in trying to get the kiddos to go into that.

  13. Jannie says:

    I’ve seen Christmas stuff out here in some stores since mid-September!

  14. Jamie says:

    I totally agree. I went out to get HALLOWEEN candy – grabbed a few bags and when I got it home…. It was GD Christmas candy. ARE.YOU.SERIOUS??? It’s the middle of October (well it was when I bought the candy) why is there even a need for Reese’s PB Cup Holiday Bells. I am going to be the grinch for Halloween. Bah – Humbug

  15. HeatherPride says:

    Wow. Possibly my favorite Stiletto Mom post EVER. And it’s all due to that last paragraph right there. That’s the best.

    I hate Christmas in October. It’s just so…..WRONG. Target had the holiday cards sitting right beside the costumes the last time I went and it made my stomach do one of those sickly flip flops. Ugh. I don’t want to think about it. I’m still waiting for the leaves to change, dammit!

  16. Kirsten says:

    LOL! I hate premature ornamentation!!! It stresses me out!

  17. Tara says:

    I love Christmas, absolutely love it, but urgh no.
    My son’s birthday is at the begining of December and so we start the build up the weekend after which is great and those two weeks of intense build up is SO much better than 3 months of festive spew everywhere.
    I drove passed a house yesterday here in England that looks like one of the elves spewed up all over it. What, can’t you wait another couple of weeks?

  18. DCD says:

    ACK! I went to Stop-n-Shop for my last minute Halloween party contribution and all the Halloween stuff was crammed in one corner and there was CHRISTMAS stuff everywhere!

    I know of which you speak. I totally dig on Christmas – but not in October.

  19. DC Urban Dad says:

    That shit ain’t right. Actually 2 weeks ago I was in Target and I heard a Christmas Carol come on. Restoration Hardware already has holiday stuff in the store. Why all the rush? I for one love…..LOVE Turkey day. Let me have that and my Pumpkin Spice latte.

    PS – I don’t care if I am on the bad list because he has already told me I ain’t getting my 6 packs. So he can suck on it.

  20. Lawyer Mom says:

    If Santa’s chamber wasn’t hyperbolic, it was probably hyperbaric. And neither would be what the old fellow would prefer, I were wagering.

    Hang in there, Stiletto. Don’t let the Man get you down.

  21. steenky bee says:

    WTF? How did I miss this? I haven’t seen this post. Did you sneak it in on me? (that’s what she said) Are you absolutely positive that is a snow globe? What if it’s the home of the boy in the plastic bubble. You better do some checking there, sister!

  22. Robin says:

    HA!!! Love the title of your post. This Christmas in mid-October thing annoys the crap out of me too. Two and a half months of it? Really? But now I have a way funny description to use when I endlessly complain about it to anyone who will listen! And my excuse can be, BUT C’MON, IT’S FUNNY!

  23. Rachel says:

    I’m gonna throw a Hell No out there too.

    That’s just wrong. I haven’t been to our mall in a few weeks but it appears Santa has already been spotted. What the hell people?

    *sigh* I love Christmas, but really people.

    The title of this made me snort beer. It burned, but sooo worth it.

    Brilliant.

  24. Octamom says:

    I’m with ya, Girl. This kind of October craziness makes me think there should be some kind of legislation….

    Blessings!

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