Ok, I wan’t y’all to understand me and the ways of fabled Southern Charm so I am going to share the Best. Southern. Belle. Joke. Ever.
Read along but when you do so, try to do it with a true Southern Drawl….drag your vowels out to the point of making yourself sick and you will have the right tone. And btw? It’s okay for me to say all of this because I am a true blue Southern Belle, so there.
So here goes y’all:
Three Southern Belles are sitting on the veranda of a very spacious plantation sipping mint juleps.
The second Southern Belle asks the first Southern Belle, “What did your husband get you upon the birth of your first child?”
The first Southern Belle says “Oh my…upon the birth of my first child my husband bought me that lovely swimmin’ pool you see over there down the lawn.”
The second Southern Belle nods in appreciation and the third Southern Belle said, “Well…how nice.”
Then the first Southern Belle asks the second Southern Belle, “Well, dahlin, what did your husband get your upon the birth of your first child?”
The second Southern Belle smiles radiantly and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband bought me this beautiful diamond ring you see upon my hand.” and holds it out for all to admire.
The first Southern Belle exclaims, “Well, my! How very lovely!” and the third Southern Belle says, “Well…how nice.”
Then the first Southern Belle and the second Southern Belle turn to the third Southern Belle and ask in unison, “Well hon, what did your husband buy you upon the birth of your first child?”
The third Southern Belle turns her head down demurely and then looks up with the slightest smile and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband sent me to charm school. Now instead of saying fuck you? I just say ‘WELL…HOW NICE.’”
And that my friends, is my kind of Southern Belle.