Best Southern Belle Joke Ever

Ok, I wan’t y’all to understand me and the ways of fabled Southern Charm so I am going to share the Best. Southern. Belle. Joke. Ever.

Read along but when you do so, try to do it with a true Southern Drawl….drag your vowels out to the point of making yourself sick and you will have the right tone. And btw? It’s okay for me to say all of this because I am a true blue Southern Belle, so there.

So here goes y’all:

Three Southern Belles are sitting on the veranda of a very spacious plantation sipping mint juleps.

The second Southern Belle asks the first Southern Belle, “What did your husband get you upon the birth of your first child?”

The first Southern Belle says “Oh my…upon the birth of my first child my husband bought me that lovely swimmin’ pool you see over there down the lawn.”

The second Southern Belle nods in appreciation and the third Southern Belle said, “Well…how nice.”

Then the first Southern Belle asks the second Southern Belle, “Well, dahlin, what did your husband get your upon the birth of your first child?”

The second Southern Belle smiles radiantly and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband bought me this beautiful diamond ring you see upon my hand.” and holds it out for all to admire.

The first Southern Belle exclaims, “Well, my! How very lovely!” and the third Southern Belle says, “Well…how nice.”

Then the first Southern Belle and the second Southern Belle turn to the third Southern Belle and ask in unison, “Well hon, what did your husband buy you upon the birth of your first child?”

The third Southern Belle turns her head down demurely and then looks up with the slightest smile and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband sent me to charm school. Now instead of saying fuck you? I just say ‘WELL…HOW NICE.’”

And that my friends, is my kind of Southern Belle.


  1. Jamie said:

    That was too funny -
    Thanks for the laugh.

    I guess I need to go charm school - I do say f*ck - too much

  2. blissfully caffeinated said:

    That’s my kind of girl period.

  3. apathy lounge said:

    There’s more than a little truth to that joke. That’s what makes it so funny.

  4. steenky bee said:


  5. steenky bee said:

    BAWAWAWAWA! I loves it. I’m gonna think up a great Polgamist joke. Just give me a minute.

  6. Captain Dumbass said:

    Give her a few more minutes.

    Good joke.

  7. anna said:


    I’m trying to decide which is worse, “Well, how nice” or “fuck you.” I’m thinking “Well, how nice”!

  8. Momma Trish said:

    We don’t need no stinkin’ charm school! “Fuck you” is a perfectly appropriate response. Isn’t it? No? Ah, shit!

  9. CK Lunchbox said:

    That’s fugging hysterical, AND no doubt the best southern belle joke ever

  10. DC Urban Dad said:

    Freakn hillarious. I might pick up that phrase instead of ‘Fuck you’ - not sure people would know what to do with it.

  11. Laufa said:

    Too funny. I say “That’s nice” all the time. I was raised in Florida, but I wouldn’t say I was a Southern Belle. That joke is so much like the real thing though.

  12. Mary Anna said:

    Honey, that’s funny! (From one belle to another!) I dispise the F-word - and this gives me one more phrase to use in its place!

  13. HeatherPride said:

    Now that is the truth! My grandmother was a southern belle and I lived in Mississippi for a while. People used to catch my “Yankee accent” all the time and ask me where I was from. The best was this one night when a little old man came into the restaurant where I was working and asked me if anyone ever called me a Yankee. I said I got that all the time, and he chuckled and said, “that’s about the worst thing they could call ya.” Ah, southern hospitality.

  14. Jim said:

    LOL. That’s a great one. I wish I had someone I could personally offend with it, but I’m at loss. I’ll have to file that away.

  15. Tara said:

    Great joke. I’m calling for jokes to share with my 5-year-old at the mo - hmm, don’t think he’ll get it somehow!

  16. Krystal said:

    Aww heck! I guess I need me some charm school too seeing as my favorite word is F*ck!

  17. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said:

    Y’all!! I’m so not going to be able to stop saying “y’all” all day, y’all, and I’m tellin’ y’all right now, I already say it too much! I just read that joke as if Paula Deen had been reincarnated in me, and it was, indeed, hilarious!

  18. Beth, Scottsdale, AZ said:

    A Southern Belle can kick your a** (derriere) like no other, and sometimes you don’t even know it!

  19. Kat said:

    My grandmother, a true southern belle, will tell you off an you won’t even know it until after you have time to think about it. Then it will just eat at you. Keys to know- precious, is a genuine complement in the south. Nice, is the kiss of death.

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