When I was in first grade, I went to a Catholic school where we had to wear uniforms every day. One precious day a year, all the kids were allowed to wear whatever they wanted for the grandest day of all…picture day. One boy? Got to wear a turtle neck and LOVE BEADS . He was totally the coolest 6 year old in all of 1971. But not me, nope….my mom put me in an itchy green dress with an ugly scarf to go with it. I did have some pretty rockin’ white patent boots though so it offset my otherwise middle aged attire just a little bit…but not much. It didn’t help that I was sort of a chubby kid with no athletic skills that people picked on.
I got to school on picture day and after enduring an awful lot of laughter over my stylish dress green polyester frock, I looked around and realized all the “popular girls” had bangs while I did not. My mom prided herself on not having given in to cutting my bangs despite my begging her…I had long wavy brown hair that she could do all sorts of things with to make me look even more like a middle aged 70′s housewife. (And not that there is anything wrong with housewives, but honestly, do any of you want to look like your Mom did then? Hip and cool were so not in vogue then in middle America…)
Well, I showed her a thing or two. Everyone, please meet Stiletto Mini, the 6 year old version of The Stiletto Mom.
See those crooked bangs? Yep, those were clipped by yours truly in Sister Mary Catherine Francis Angelica Margaret Elizabeth Anne Catherine’s (bc you can’t have too many Catherine’s) class with a pair of little kid safety scissors. Look at that uneven line…but more importantly, look at that evil gleam in my eyes. VICTORY! I may be dressed all wrong but man…I showed her….I totally jacked my hair 5 mintutes before pictures…take that! Also? While it looks like I have a missing tooth? I don’t…it’s a SPIT GAP. Ok, so let’s put all this together, chubby kid, dressed like a 1970′s polyester wearing forty year old, uncool hair plus spit gap equals??? You got it, six year old meltdown with safety scissors. Granted, it could look worse but there was a good four minutes spent trying to make them appear even for the picture with tremendous amounts of nun spit and I believe Elmer’s Glue…though I can’t be sure.
When my Mom came to pick me up that day, the nun stoically marched me out to the car and handed me over to my horrified Mother. I’m not sure, but I think they could hear her scream all the way up in Oklahoma, “OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR????” And what did I say? “I fixthed it Mommy.”
So when Oklahoma heard these very words come out of my mouth some 37 years later this weekend, they should not have been suprised. None of this should be a shock to me either because Miss G is a carbon copy of me. (Wanna know what she looks like? The picture above, with blonde hair….evil gleam in eye is the same)
Keeping in mind tht Miss G’s circumstances are totally different…she has a the tiniest bit of a spit gap, is very fit, wears super cool clothes and is generally popular, the thing I learned this weekend is bad hair happens to all of us.
Apparently, it went down like this. She had a headband and put it in her hair. Her hair, however, did not want to cooperate and would not form the perfect swoopy on her forehead. So doing what any logical 6 year old girl birthed by me would do…she got out the scissors and went to town. While she did not create the full bangs like I did, she managed to take a huge chunk of hair out of the middle of her face and elected not to tell me but to tuck it into the headband (you know, because I’d never figure it out right?)
Well I did figure it out. While I was on the phone with my cousin (who knew my mother all too well) all of a sudden Oklahoma heard from a crazed Catholic Mom from Texas one more time…“OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR????” And what she say? “I fixthed it Mommy.”
Well, of course you did. And now, Miss G, you have bangs just like Mommy did in first grade. You enjoy growing those out honey.
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I Fixth my hair way too often, too!
I guess payback’s a bitch. I really like that you fixthed your hair on picture day. That is just CLASSIC.
Impressive really- they’re a little crooked, but you managed a pretty even swath of hair though- not bad, not bad at all. Yes, my own 1st grade picture reflects my attempt at self- cutting and my now 6yo gave herself quite the mullet a couple of years ago- I was not happy- but then yeah- looks like we all did it at one time or another!
Soph did this in Montessori school, when she was about 4. She cut the entire back of her hair off. I’m not even exaggerating…Montessori Children’s House and School on Walnut Hill… shout out to you for nearly making my child bald @ 3 years old.
First of all, Catholic School Girl? Woo-woo! How hot of a fantasy girl are you? I got all excited about the prospect of you doing your best Britney Spears (before she got stinky) down the hallway in your teeny skirt. But then I saw those bangs and I thought Britney of the 1990′s wouldn’t have bangs like that. (Britney of the 2000′s totally would though)
Sister, you were beautiful in 1971. I, too, had a gappy in my teeth! I used to push it together hoping it would somehow close up. (It eventually did) I love the Catholic Catherine reference. Laugh out loud funny.
Oh, honey, whatcha gonna do about Miss G’s bang? They don’t sound quite like bangS, more like a bang? Maybe she could be a trend setter?
@ alli, yeah but your hair fixeths up cute hon!!!
@ anna: oddly this happened a mere 12 hours after I think I mentioned chopping my hair on your blog…coincidence? I think it was a subliminal message from Mini to G….”do this to make your mommy freak…”
@margie? Mullet? MULLET? Oh, I’d die….
@lisa: sophie would be pretty even bald…though I would have kicked a little Montessori ass at that point.
@ steenky: impromptu haircut was followed by “emeregency trip” to hairdresser…because as you can see, i can’t cut in a straight line. the real problem will be when she has cheer competition and I have to figure out how to paste those suckers back…superglue perhaps?
Ooooh, catholic school girl. Now I’m torn between that and the white dress.
Awww…how wonderful that history repeats itself. It’s like karma wielding safety scissors.
well how bout that? Is there one of us that did not do that? I did my sister’s hair–I am helpful like that
And, once again, I’m thankful that I don’t have girls.
I know, I know … boys do these things too.
My brother shaved his head with a Bic razor. Then my mother had to take him to a, uh, ethnic barber to have it evened out. Neighbors kept coming by and bringing cookies and casseroles. Then, one commented on how brave he was and I think my mother made another shout heard in Oklahoma. All the neighbors thought he had leukemia and that’s why he was instantly bald! My mother was horrified (and we all still laugh at it!).
@ Jim: glad i could provide a quandry of sorts.
@ paige: thanks for coming by! your sister still speaks to you?
@Mary Anna: OH. MY. DEAR. GOD. IN. HEAVEN. That story caused me to choke…seriously!!! ROFLMAO. Your poor mom!
My hair needs fixth right now. My hairdresser assures me I can cut my own bangs, but I know if I did, I’d have a giant ‘V’ cut into the middle of them. I’d also have the money I pay her in my pocket, so, come to think of it, I should rethink this whole thing, and I suppose I should practice on something first
Gah! So that’s why my daughter hacked her hair off in the middle of the night – because I wasn’t dressing her trendily enough.
My girl was 2½ when she decided her really short hair (it’s growing really slowly) wasn’t short enough and so hacked into it so she looked like a deranged clown.
I wept real tears for that hair while my husband said just about the worst thing he could at the time: “it’s only hair”
are we related? I cut MY hair in second grade, and have the picture with a BIG chunk of bangs cut out. Of course, my sassy did the SAME THING when she was in first grade. And, yes, The Golden Boy shaved a chunk out of his hair with his dad’s clippers the morning before kindergarten pictures. It’s hereditary.
I’m really impressed with those bangs.. seriously. I could never manage that… not now at 33 and certainly not at age 6. I still say you were adorable and perhaps you can always have a career in cutting hair.
this is the 3rd post this week I have read about daughters cutting their own hair.
I am going to give my children a lecture abotu scissors now….
Thank the Heavens that my daughter has not done this!! She is so totally not into the trends and the stuff girls are into. She is still a Dora girl at heart and I am glad she is.
Little Man on the other hand took Hubby’s electric hair trimmer and decided to fixth his hair but we were able to even it out and nobody could tell the difference.
Well, like I have said many times before, we are blessed with children way worse than we were!
Wayyyy toooo funny that you did this for picture day–hilarious!!!
And, yeah, hope Miss G’s grows out soon!
Blessings!
“I fixeth it Mommy!” I was dying at you and your daughter.
So back then you went by the monicker “Saddle Shoe Mom”
(Oh, did you go to catholic school in where you live now? If you did email me and tell me which one – I may have something funny to tell you.)
Ah…Catholic school (dress codes, standing in a single file, nuns and eating lunch that has been maturing in a metal lunch box for 4+ hours…yummy) See what happens when you are given one day to be different…Meltdown!
Picture this…2nd or 3rd grade – at friend’s house playing a game, running late for a scheduled haircut appointment. Friend (and brother) decides they can cut my hair and tie me to a chair (not much resistance from me…after all, I need a haircut) and they clip my hair, mostly the bangs…very crookedly (look Ma…no more bangs). We laugh at bad hair cut. Finish game. I run home. Jump in pool in hopes that hair will grow back. Mom yells from house that I missed haircut appointment. Finish swimming and walk in house as if nothing happened. After all, I didn’t cut my hair. And the rest of the story goes exactly as you picture it.
Look at your face in that picture. You are so HAPPY that you took control of that hair. And you know what, it looks pretty damn good. I don’t blame you for cutting your hair. You had to do something to take the attention off of that scarf, sister.
I’m so thankful that we haven’t yet had a haircutting incident at my house. Of course, Caroline already has bangs, because her hair is thick and I cannot seem to do anything with it. So at least it’s out of her eyes.
Also, I totally forgive you for mocking me in Steenky Bee’s comments. I couldn’t help myself, I was drunk on power.
Love this post!
School picture day is so traumatic or at least dramatic for so many of us that I blogged about it myself on on Oct. 8 at http://www.thebookbench.blogspot.com/ What was eye-opening for me was noticing how much my picture from 1974 looks like the housewife I am in 2008!
Hey! Thanks for dropping by my blog. I think I must add you to my ever expanding blogroll.
You were gorgeous at six! Anyone who said otherwise was jealous. And your bangs look remarkably good, given the circumstances.
I never cut my own bangs as a kid. But I did play hairdresser, and I chopped the bangs off one of my best friends when no one was looking. Actually, I think I just kind of chopped a big V in the centre of his bangs. His parents were not suitably impressed with my skills. Not even a little.
Indeed, bad hair happens to us all!! That story is hilarious! I did the bang cut when I was a kid, too. I remember little blonde chunks falling out all over my Winnie The Pooh book. My mom sort of had the same reaction as yours…..
Fantastic. And it soothes to know I am not the only one who did stuff like that!
We played “hairdressers” aged four. To cut a story short, my mother took me to the real hairdressers afterwards and my hair was so short that none of the girls wanted to play with me because I was now a boy… little creative girls do what they have to, though – ear piercing next.
Oh Mary Anne!
You were (and still are) adorable!!! You don’t let anyone tell you “no”, do you?
I have a picture of my youngest when she decided that her bangs were too long. I’ll let you know if I post it.
Your spunky Mary Anne! That’s what you are.
I mean ‘you’re’. (Ugh. I hate misspelling. Or mispelling. No, it’s misspelling. OK.)
Hey c’mon, for a six year old from the 70′s you look like a hip housewife from the70′s. Yes, still a housewife, but with a slightly more chic look than the average housewife sported. I think the scarf truly makes the ensamble pop!
Love the pic.
Don’t think I ever cut my hair when I was a kid. Went to Catholic school though. “Free Dress” days rocked!
Awkwardness: I had a dream last night that you hated me with all of your guts and posted to everyone how they should hate me too. What up wit dat??
Like mother like daughter! I can only imagine the crap Sprite will pull on me only to have my mother respond with “That reminds me…”
When I fixthed my hair (@nd grade, Ms. Luttrel’s class), the came out uneven, so I kept trimming, until finally, they were just shopped off at the scalp.
This was quite a while BEFORE school pictures, so my hairstyle that year had a plastic barrette right at the front attempting to hold down the wild grown ins…
My mother was not amused…
OMG. I can’t believe how vengeful karma can be…but FUUUUUUNNY. This was GREAT.
Thanks so much for linking!
So well written. This is hysterical. I loved the Catherines part. And you were precious. Obviously a little independent, but precious. Glad you linked through Holly. I’m going to go poke around on the rest of your blog.