Snee

by Mary Anne on September 15, 2008

So I’ve been up since 4 AM today SNEEZING. Over and over again, all I do is sneeze. Also, I have to blow my nose three times after every time I sneeze but we have no Kleenex in this house and I am reduced to using paper towels. Now I have no skin left on my nose and very little dignity thanks to something no one shares with you before you give birth…the sneeze pee, or as I have come to call it now, Snee. (Note to my one male reader, Jim, turn away now or you will never read me again…trust….ps…girls, go check out his site, HILARIOUS.)

Only a mother can understand this and I am so thankful I have so many moms that are good friends of mine. Today a dear Mommy friend of mine commiserated with me over AIM regarding the entire phenomenon.

ME: i have to tell you the worst part about this never ending sneezing
ME: it’s the little pee that gets out
ME: once? i can handle
ME: two hundred and twenty two times in a row? not so much
FRIEND: girl you don’t have to tell me
FRIEND: i know
FRIEND: recently i sneezed and it didn’t happen — i was over the moon
ME: this is so sad
ME: how did we get here?
FRIEND: i know
ME: i used to be a hot chick who rarely if ever peed herself
FRIEND: exactly
FRIEND: me too
ME: i’m laughing
ME: this is funny
FRIEND: and peeing?
ME: no i’m okay in that department
FRIEND: that’s good — me too
ME: perhaps in another 10 years or so when i fully morph into my mother…

Now, you’ll have to pardon me as I have just sneed myself again….damn.

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{ 2 trackbacks }

The Stiletto Mom
June 9, 2009 at 7:59 pm
The Stiletto Mom
December 13, 2009 at 6:47 pm

{ 16 comments }

1 Captain Dumbass September 16, 2008 at 7:06 am

The snee? That is fantastic! I have to tell my wife about that. She sneed while we were out for a walk yesterday.

2 Tuesday September 16, 2008 at 7:09 am

So true, the snee sucks ass.
I have the snee when I cough hard too.
Terrible

3 Jen @ blissfully caffeinated September 16, 2008 at 9:10 am

The sad thing? I sometimes snee with no provocation. It just comes out. I fear that mah bladder may be migrating south for the winter.

Hope you feel better!

4 jenboglass (steenkybee) September 16, 2008 at 9:56 am

I snee WAY to much. I also cough-pee, but their isn’t a cool hybrid word for that. Pough? Cee? It just doesn’t work. My son calls sneezes “God Bless Yous” as in, “I’m gonna God Bless you….ahchew!!!” For the record, a few times this has been in the tub and I’ve never seen him snee once. Those men!

5 HeatherPride September 16, 2008 at 10:18 am

Ohhhh, all those joys of motherhood no one ever tells you about BEFORE the proverbial bun is baking!! Let’s see, which do I detest more…the snee or the loose belly skin?? Oh! I know! How about the permanent change in my body chemistry which keeps my armpits sweating even through the Secret Clinical Strength?? Yeesh.

6 Jim September 16, 2008 at 10:30 am

I’m sorry about the whole snee thing. I have allergies, so I know how the whole sneezing misery goes. The pee thing I don’t have however.

That’s why I have you though! I can live vicariously through you. All the laughs (that’s with you, not at you of course) and none of the moistness.

7 Mary Anne September 16, 2008 at 10:46 am

Dude, I told you to turn away…I just knew there would be some of smart ass comment. Which of course, I don’t mind!

8 MIL September 16, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Sweetie, I feel for you, but you have made us older babes
feel a little better about ourselves. We’ve been putting up
with that for awhile. Thanks for the laugh!

9 shane_onegoodie September 16, 2008 at 6:37 pm

I always thought if I had c-sections I wouldn’t have this problem. Not so…

Now I’m curious about Jim…I’m new to your blog…think I’ll find out what he’s all about!

10 Lawyer Mom September 16, 2008 at 6:58 pm

Yes, sneeing does suck. But it started when I was pregnant so I knew to expect it. What NO ONE told me was what to expect before-ish.during sex, while breastfeeding. NO ONE! Champagne was poured, the futon from my office couch manfully hoisted to the floor, and then boom . . . . de facto nursing. On and on and on we geysered. But the champagne was good, anyway.

11 ali September 17, 2008 at 11:08 am

Yes, men and mothers-to-be have no clue what I mean when I say, “I have to pick up some pantyliners, I feel a cold coming on.”

12 Middle-Aged-Woman September 17, 2008 at 5:38 pm

Two words: Bladder surgery. I had a procedure called a Burch suspension. No more snee! No more pough! Yay! My students used to wonder why I crossed my legs when I needed to sneeze.

13 LiteralDan September 17, 2008 at 11:31 pm

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just to make sure no one missed it, Middle Aged Woman just slipped the concept of a “pough” in there. Please tell me that she’s joking, so I can continue to think highly of women.

I’m only still coming to terms with what you call a “snee”. My wife would be glad to see this opening discussion of the subject, so I might stop mocking her, or at least not in the same way, when this happens to her.

14 Mary Anne September 18, 2008 at 7:24 am

Dan, I really think Middle Aged Mom has added a valuable level to this discussion. I totally forgot about the coughing thing, at least we have a name for it now. And…it’s proof that all the embarassing things that happen to a womans body can, in fact, be tracked directly back to childbirth! Not our fault AT ALL.

15 Rhea September 21, 2008 at 3:38 pm

My grandmother couldn’t jump on the trampoline without peeing herself. Or tinkling, as she called it. She also said she never toots. hmmm….I think this is anatomically impossible!

16 caramama September 22, 2008 at 8:53 am

Oh, yeah. The sneeing, the poughing, and what’s the word for peeing when laughing? Paughing? Whatever it is, I’ve done them all since pregnancy and beyond.

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