Get This: There Is A Family Out There With More Disfunctional Dining Habits Than Mine…Really!!!

I’m at a sushi restaurant right now, pretty empty as it’s a Tuesday night, just killing time while Miss G is at practice. I am happy to tell you, one family in America has less fun at dinner than mine does.

There is a family of five sitting next to me and they are SCREAMING at each other. It seems to have started with the (I’m guessing) 14 year olds inability to hold chop sticks correctly. After general mocking and belittling, it has spiraled into a discussion on some errant behavior on his part on vacation. Apparently he didn’t like being woken up at noon on vacation and forced to eat. (I can’t blame him) The mother actually said (screamed) “Here’s the deal, if we go to a restaurant and you don’t like it….STARVE.” The other two kids, a boy and a girl who look to be maybe 7 or 8, are looking down at their plates with concern on their faces. I am a little concerned for them to be honest. The discussion/negotiation has moved on to where to vacation next year. The son of course has some suggestion, which was ignored and the Dad says “SCREW THAT….WE ARE GOING TO EUROPE!” Quick, somebody call Europe and warn them. But not the French, because they deserve this family.

The fourteen year old though, really needs some coaching on his negotiation skills as he is now in a very loud voice demanding a laptop for his birthday. Mom and Dad are not buying off on this, not even a little bit, and the boy has now shifted his demands to the laptop OR THE CASH EQUIVALENT. I’m starting to see why his parents want to starve him.

They are moving on to the hard stuff now. Apparently the 14 year old took something from them that he promised to pay for yet has not so far. Threats of prison and jail are now being tossed about, and while the little girl seems really upset by this thought, the little brother is all “Also, he took my DS the other day….”

Sadly, it’s time for me to shut down and go collect Miss G. I am truly sorry I’m not going to see the portion of the programming where one of the family members (and it’s a crap shoot who willd draw first blood at this point) stabs the other one with a fork. I’m just really glad that in my family, because we are perfect you know, when we have our knock down drag outs…threats of children going to prison fights…it stays within the walls of our home. Sure it gets so loud sometimes that passing joggers look startled but then again, they sure aren’t carrying a computer and reporting on it blow by blow like I am. Pick your fights…and more importantly pick the place to have your fights…and never do it next to a girl with a laptop and nothing but time on her hands.